A Garden on the Roof
by ImNaturallySuper
Summary: When an unlikely ally bursts into Sam Winchesters life just moments after his brother's death, he isn't sure what to make of her, or how she makes him feel. But with a new evil coming he soon realizes he may need this girl even more than she needs him.
1. Chapter 1

It's two minutes till midnight and the only sound that can be heard is the beating of his own heart. Sam's eyes jerk from the clock on the wall and rest on Dean's face for one last moment. The half-hearted smile on his older brother's face says it all. This is it, there is no more time to grasp at, no more hope left, no more of anything. There is nothing but this. This last moment together. The chimes of the grandfather clock sweep past Sam and surround him like a shroud of despair swallowing him whole. A tear escapes his defenses and runs the course of his cheek. This is it. Only another second left before he has to go on living in a world without Dean.

Time flashes out of his range and drags him forward against his will. He can't scream, can barely even breathe as he watches in horror as Dean is torn apart by hell hounds faster than he can blink. Dropping to his knees before his brother's corpse Sam's mind bends at the thought that just for a moment Dean is not in Hell. Terror tries to push itself inside his thoughts but Sam wills it away. This can't be it. Dean is a good person; God wouldn't allow this to happen to a good person. Reality kicks at Sam's defenses but fails to break them down. He clutches at his brothers lifeless body and bows his head over him slowly. His eyes drift closed and a sort of peace overcomes his mind. Here there is no reality; there is no death, no hounds to drag you to Hell, no tortured soul, no anguishing thoughts, and no bad memories. There is only one thing left here.

Peace.

And if fate ever claimed to be anything but cruel it was lying. For at that exact moment Sam Winchester's world turned itself upside down in a way he never asked for and certainly never wanted.

The sound of the window breaking was an afterthought of the broken glass shards scraping at his clothes and snagging in his disheveled hair. Shock barely had enough time to settle into his psyche before his body reacted to the possibility of a threat. Taking a defensive stance was for any other moment except for this one. He had just witnessed his brother's death at the hands of one demon with a pretty façade so the form of a small blonde girl crashing into the dining room to Sam only meant one thing. _Lilith came back to finish off the other brother._

Forcing the slight girls frame into the further wall with all his strength only confirmed his suspicions. She barely blinked before throwing a right hook into his cheekbone, the pain resonating as if a man ten times his size had deal the blow and not this slip of a girl. He tossed off the thought of anything beyond this moment and the revenge that had now begun burning in his belly. Dean's face swan before his eyes, resting behind every blink that lasted too long, reminding him not to give himself up so easily to the demon in the beautiful body. With a cry that sounded more like a gasp for air he exploded forward pushing all his weight onto the demon before him bringing them both crashing to the dining room floor with a sickening sound. But his small victory was quickly turned on its head when he found himself continuing on after hitting the smooth surface of the floor and sliding up and over the demon girls body as if he weighed nothing at all. The cracking he felt in his ribs as he hit the wall behind them was merely a side note to what had just happened here as he struggled to regain his footing in this fight. His brain may have been merely following the train tracks it set itself on since she burst through the window but it seemed to have been heading in the right direction. Until now that is. He had fought what seemed like legion of demons in his lifetime yet he had never seen one use a move quite like the one he was witnessing now. Cradling his ribs he stumbled to a standing position just in time for her booted foot to make contact with the side of face. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth and white flashed before his eyes but his brain moved back and forth over the swiftness of her figure coming at him from what seemed like four feet above the ground, her small body rotating so fast even his exceptionally adept reaction times seemed helpless to stop it. This girl was no demon, unless Lilith now had a band of tiny unassuming females who know tae kwan do at her disposal now.

Pulling himself together he stood before the girl who had just a moment ago kicked his ass in under a minute and barely seemed to have gotten a single hair out of place. He tried to not look surprised, in case it inflated her ego even more than it had already seemed to, according to the smile on her perfectly untouched face.

"You _are_ done now right?" She calculated, but from her tone Sam could tell she already knew the answer to that question. She was taunting him, of that he was sure.

"Who the hell are you?" He spat, a bit more under his breath than he had anticipated. He was probably serving himself up to her, but he didn't care now how he died, only that wherever he went it was where Dean was. _Dean…_He refused to look down at where he knew his brother still laid, eyes open and unblinking, seeing nothing.

"That isn't important right now. What's important is what chased me here and how we are going to get out of here alive, that is unless you want to end up like that one there." The girl didn't gestured towards Dean, but she didn't have to, there were only two bodies on the floor of the ever changing room they were in. And Ruby's old body had now vanished, leaving just one figure she could be refering to.

Sam's heart slammed into his ribs in a panic quite unlike anything he had ever felt before. Lilith was gone. Lilith was gone! Sometime in the last one hundred and eighty seconds of his life he had let the reason for his brother's death slip back into her meat suit and hightail it to the hills. He paced in a quick circle, hitching his breath trying to form a clear thought, "She gone-she's-just gone!" He advanced on the girl before him but she seemed unfazed by his panic, resting her hands gently on his jacket instead of using the force he knew she possessed. "Where did she go? Did you see her leave?"

The girl took a step back from him, her face softening for a moment before slipping back into that unreadable look he had first seen on her since crashing into his life a moment ago.

"We have her Sam, it's why I came. She is the only one who can help with what is coming next. Now are you going to help me fight our way out of this house or not?"

He blanched at her jealous tone. It sounded as if she thought he cared for the pounds of flesh Lilith had inhabited when she unleashed the hounds of hell on his brother's soul. But he didn't have time to dissect her thoughts or even her reasons for being here. But he could get one important question out in the open before he faced whatever lay beyond the walls of their temporary sanctuary.

"How do you know my name?" He asked, the question swimming out in the open in front of them for what seemed like a lifetime before she severed the tension with an abrupt answer that was left cutting through the air behind her as she opened the door to a street filled with black-eyed innocents trapped in a battle meant to end his life here, inside this house, forever beside his brother, and forever without his revenge.

"Survive this and you just might find out."


	2. Trust Is A Verb

Sam knew taking his eyes off the fight surrounding him wasn't an option, yet his eyes wavered too many times to the small girl flanking his left. She was a skilled fighter. He had never seen anything like it before. She cut through the sea of demons surrounding them like butter, leaving bodies writhing in agony on the soft grass beneath their feet.

His gaze strayed too long on her form and he paid for it with a blow to the head, his head snapping back with a velocity that was bound to leave him with a stiff neck tomorrow. He recovered the best he could and forged on into the masses, for once glad to have this stranger helping him reach the other side. Even more so after a sharp pained exploded into the back of his skull and pulled a curtain of darkness around him.

All he saw in that last moment before he let the heavy feeling take him under, was one tiny girl defending him with what seemed like a powerful will that he could not quite explain.

* * *

Buffy Summers stood over the bed Sam lay unconscious in and set to wearing the carpet thin again. She had been pacing over him most of the night afraid he wouldn't wake up in time. She glanced furtively at the clock on her nightstand and frowned. If the big oaf didn't wake up soon she would have to leave without knowing his side of the story. And according to Giles and his big pile of all knowing-texts, this half of the Winchester team held the key to finding her sister.

She moved out into the hall and joined the Scooby gang, minus Giles (who was locked away in the basement with his books) in Dawn's now vacant room. Willow didn't move from where she sat on the bed, eyes closed in concentration and clutching one of Dawn's sweaters.

Xander met Buffy's eyes from across the room and smiled wanly at her solo status. "No luck?" He mouthed across the room.

Buffy only shook her head. She surveyed Willow finishing up another locator spell that seemed to be getting her nowhere from the look on her face. Dawn had been missing for almost a week now and with no trace of where she had gone or who had taken her Buffy was running a bit ragged in the sanity department.

A deep sigh escaped Willow as she lowered Dawn's sweater to the bed and lifted her gaze to match Buffy's weary one. Buffy didn't need to ask, Willow hadn't found anything. It was all useless. The only shred of hope came from one of Giles' dusty books that spoke of "the key" in rather vague context with yet another apocalypse and amidst all the soothsayers and other-worldlies he had contacted about it; only one had been able to help.

Except all he said opened Buffy's world to one she had never conceived of. Yes she had been to Heaven and back, but all of that was a simple after thought now. She remembered nothing of angels or a God or what came after this life. Yet according to this crazy prophet, who went by the name Chuck, there was a whole other war about to be waged and it involved two brothers and the key to the universe.

Did it matter that demons were possessing humans in a race to unleash their leader? Been there done that. Did it change anything that Heaven and Hell were in fact real? Been _there_, done _that_. The only thing that mattered anymore was finding Dawn, and if the intolerable drunk of a prophet, who had looked one too many times at her breasts to be honest, said this Sam Winchester could help her save Dawn, well then she'd do whatever it took to get him on her side.

"It's okay Will, we'll find her." Buffy wished her nerves matched the strength in her voice.

Yet she didn't have time to reflect on anything anymore, she had to get that damned Winchester awake! Turning on her heel she slammed straight into a very-much-awake Sam Winchester.

She bounced off his chest hard. He at least felt far more solid than he looked she thought with an embarrassing blush. Backing away she let out a false but hopefully convincing frustrated sigh and added a piercing glare to accompany it.

"Well now that you are done trying for the longest-time-unconscious record, maybe you'd like to help us stop the end of the world?"

Sam's jaw clenched at Buffy's biting tone. "Listen lady, I don't have to help you do anything, you helped me out of a scrape and I appreciate that, but I have things to do. I can't stay here."

Buffy looked back at Xander and Willow in the room behind her, her eyes froze for a second on Dawn's bed. Two tactics of gaining allies, that's all Buffy had. Violence and understanding.

She hoped they weren't going to be worn thin with this Sam guy. She sighed again, trying to reign in her panic of every moment passing and what it would mean for Dawn. Turning to face Sam again she took a different tactic unlike any she ever did in this kind of situation; she opened with an apology.

"I'm sorry, you know, for the whole face punching before the handshake thing, but you happen to be a very important person to me right now." Her face brightening as she stumbled to correct the look upon his face. "-Uh-US! Very important to all of, uh, us. And since I found you in a house surrounded by demons bent on killing you I think I can trust you not to go all black eyed on me. So maybe I can also skip past all the la-de-da and get right down to my 'you're-not-a-demon' theory. It pretty much goes like this, you're not a demon. And I need you to help me…_please."_

The look on Sam's face had moved from astonishment to anger and back to astonishment again in a matter of seconds. Buffy wasn't sure what to do to make him think she was the sane one, but talking more of her babble was probably not going to do it.

"Small sentences," she started again slowly. "Me Buffy. I fight demons. Slay to be exact. Slayer good, demon bad, and right now…" she paused for a moment, preparing to say the words out loud, "Demons have kidnapped my sister, and the only thing I know is that some walking beard with an angel radio frequency for a brain said that you and your brother can help find her."

Sam's face fell at her words. "My brother is dead," he said gruffly.

Buffy looked down, trying not to make an awkward moment even more awkward. "Oh."

"He was murdered, and the one pulling the trigger happens to be the empty vessel you and your friends snatched up from the floor beside him back there. Do you want to explain that to me?"

Buffy looked back hesitantly at Willow, pleading for a reprieve from the questions.

"I needed her," Willow cut in, "For a tracking spell. In case you weren't who we thought you were. We have been piggy backing on essence trails of empty demon vessels for over a week now, each one leading us a little bit closer to you. But you _are_ Sam Winchester, aren't you?"

"How do you know I'm Sam and not Dean?" he asked, obviously unable to trust any of these new people who seemed to know far too much about him.

Buffy laughed at the question, giggles bursting forth from her like a volcano. She tempered them with the back of her and tried to stifle any amusement from her voice as she answered him. "There is pretty much only one description of you guys floating around among the demon world. The cute one and the tall one. That's what they call you. And well, I saw, I concluded. You _are_ the tall one right?"

Sam gave an exasperated sigh and stepped back a step.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help you. I have to save my brother. Good luck with your sister."

"Wait!" She called after his receding figure down the hall. "Wait, just, maybe we can help each other. I died once too, twice actually. And yet here I stand, annoying you. We have a powerful witch, if I can promise you you will have your brother back, will you tell me what you know about the demons who we think took my sister?"

* * *

Sam paused on the stairs, absorbing every word from this bizarre girl. She stood her ground, her eyes soft and warm yet hard and strong.

He fell into them then and suddenly he knew beyond anything he could trust this girl. So despite everything logic said, he gave her a nod that spoke volumes and they returned together to the bedroom he had awoken in.

Buffy chattered on about what she planned on doing about her sister and where she had last seen her, most of which went in one ear and out the other. But one thing above all else did stick in his mind, and that was the trust he felt for this woman.

He let for the first time since he had found out that Dean had sold his soul, a sliver of hope curl itself around his heart and rest there. Because if what this girl had said was true, she had a way to save Dean from the pit, and from now till then, every second mattered.


	3. Chapter 3

Two frustrating days had passed since the girl who claimed to be a chosen protector had made good on her name sake and saved his ass. They were no closer to figuring out where Buffy's sister had been taken and the demons she had thought responsible had dropped off Willow's witchy radar. Sam didn't know what to offer this girl anymore; he knew she expected him to have a sudden revelation about how he could help. But his mind couldn't get past the road block Dean's death had created. They had gone back to the house and buried Dean's body in a safe location, against Bobby's protests to give Dean a hunter's burial. Sam didn't care, he'd be damned if he let Dean stay in Hell for another second if he could help it.

Leaning forward he ran his hands nervously through his hair. Buffy watched him warily from across the room. He was surrounded by every ancient text she had found containing information on her sister. Buffy had merely called her "the key" but stubbornly refused to elaborate on what that meant or what her sister was. None of it made Sam eager to help. Putting himself in a position to be on another hell demon's radar was unnecessary risks for his plan to bring Dean back from his grave.

Yet the more time Sam spent in Buffy's company the more he felt compelled to aid her in whatever journey she embarked on. He felt torn in two, knowing her pain of losing a sibling, yet his loyalty to Dean weighing heavy on his heart. How could he enjoy even a second of this girl's company when his brother was burning in Hell? He adjusted his position, nervously biting at his nails. Did she _have_ to look at him so much? The pressure to solve this whole thing was one extra thought he couldn't process right now. He needed air, just a moment of it. Just one, without her eyes on him, expecting him to save her world when his was so broken already.

He stood quickly, several books sliding to the floor, yet he made no excuses, just stalked outside and onto the front porch. It was a beautiful neighborhood, one you'd expect to find doctors and lawyers living in, not a slayer of demons and her band of misfit helpers. Night had crept up on them again, judging by the height of the moon it was well past midnight. He sighed into the silent darkness and tried to clear his mind. What was he going to do if he couldn't come up with the answers for her? Would she help him get Dean back anyway? She had said that Willow was already looking into gaining the proper ingredients for a spell of this magnitude, but how could he be sure her word was good? He wanted to trust her, needed to, and not because she was his only hope of rescuing Dean from the pit. But because above all else, he wanted to have her with him, on his side. There was just something so strong in her, he wasn't sure if she even knew it, but the way she spoke, the way she walked, even the way she held his gaze made him feel that no matter what came their way they would win this thing. She was a leader, the others followed her word without question and a natural trust came from all of them as if she had never steered them wrong before. He was positive now that she was a force to be reckoned with and was not someone who accepted defeat. He was glad now that their paths had intertwined and he hoped he wouldn't fail her the way he had failed Dean.

Buffy watched Sam from the window. She tried to allow him the space he needed but finding Dawn meant everything to her right now and time was slipping away from them. Only the scooby gang knew what Dawn was originally created for and what a few drops of her blood had done to the world, but they had foolishly thought that window of time for her use as "the key" was dead and gone. They had lived the past year in relative peace of mind, knowing Dawn was safe from her true purpose and could begin living her life as she was meant to. Why the bat shit crazy prophet had insisted a key was needed yet again for unlocking something not of this world she couldn't understand. Above all else, Buffy had only wanted a normal life for Dawn. She supposed that was too much to ask. Having to be the sole protector of someone as unique as Dawn was not something she had asked for, but how could she deny the pull she felt to be there for the other half of her soul? Dawn _was_ her; she was a huge part of Buffy, the better part, and the only part that was worth saving anymore. Without Dawn, what was she?

Sam shifted backward as if he was nursing a sore neck and gazed up at the sky. Buffy frowned at the expression on his face. He was totally lost, she saw that now. He had nothing left in this world and was clinging to the hope that Buffy could bring back the only thing he was living for anymore. _His brother_. She swallowed hard and tried not to let his pain reach her. She couldn't let this stranger alter her path. Yet...if their roles had been reversed, if it was Dawn's cold body she was trying to pull back from the earth...she shuddered at the thought. She would give him these moments. He deserved that. But only these few, because if the wrong one passed and Dawn died, Sam would be joining his brother in his shallow grave, and Willow's spell would be for Dawn's resurrection and Dawn's only. Because only they knew the truth about what it had cost Willow to bring Buffy back from the dead, and Willow herself understood that she could only go there once more and even then at a great risk to herself and all she had been working for. Yes, she would give him just this moment more, and then-

Suddenly Sam stiffed and turned back to the door with a force. Buffy stumbled away from the window, a bit embarrassed to be caught spying on him. He burst through the door and halted when he caught sight of her next to the couch by the bay windows.

"I think I know where your sister is." He blurted out, as if catching his breath.

Buffy's eyes widened at the possible good news, she needed something solid to fight, any lead was a good lead, leads could be followed, and she would follow Dawn anywhere. Yet the next words out of his mouth made her blood run cold and lodged a sliver of doubt of ever rescuing her sister deep into her heart, where it slowly took root and blossomed into a fear she knew she would never recover from.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're _sure_ it was her?" Buffy screeched, her voice taking on a new sense of urgency. "You have to be positive, look at the picture again, ju-just look at it again, _please_!"

Sam tried to follow Buffy's pacing around the house but he fell short as he examined the photo Buffy had displayed in the living room for the duration of his stay. When he had first seen it in the hallway upstairs it had stopped him for a brief moment. It was a picture of Dawn and Buffy on a beach somewhere, smiling blissfully in the sun. The frame was covered in seashells and it had made Sam long for a family photo of his own to torture himself with. Buffy had appeared in the hallway shortly behind him snatching the photo off its hook and glaring at it desperately for a moment.

"She gave this to me for my Birthday last year." She stated sadly. "I remember it like it was yesterday, I remember it so clearly..." Her voice trailed off as she walked off with it still in her hands, as if in a trance. From then on Sam had walked past it several times in its new spot on the window sill downstairs. But as much as it had provoked a sense of familiarity he had never truly looked into her sister's gaze, as his had always been drawn to Buffy's smile. The way she looked so carefree, so happy, as if the world itself could not touch her. She was so simple, so beautiful. No layers, no fear, just Buffy.

But now for the first time he was really looking at Dawn beside her and much to Buffy's despair he had seen her sister before and he knew now without a doubt that is was her. Only it was not what Buffy had wanted to hear, and he hated delivering the news to her, because each time he stared at the photo it only jogged his memory more. And the demon they had crossed paths with a couple weeks ago in Ohio was most definitely using Dawn Summers body as a vessel.

Only…that was before Dean had killed her.

Sam frowned down at the photo again, buying himself an extra second before he would be forced to meet Buffy's gaze again. When he lifted his eyes to find Buffy's face his heart took an extra beat, skewing the right words he had worked out to calm her. Instead he could only shake his head. He didn't want to say the actual words, he couldn't.

The tears pooling in Buffy's eyes fell over and slid down her face but her features remained as if carved out of stone. The trails were soon swept away with the back of her hand as if she was ashamed they had even been there to begin with.

"Take me to her."

Sam's mouth closed and his brows knitted together in a prayer for absolution. He had been there; he had seen Dean stab the girl, omitting the demon from her body. And he hadn't even thought twice about her afterward. They were on a hunt, they needed their wits, and no pause could've been spared for the girl who was once Buffy's sister. And the worst part was if Dean hadn't reached her first, Sam would've been right behind Dawn with the colt, ready to end her life as well. The least he could do now was give Buffy the closure he himself sought so desperately but would probably never see.

"Okay." He whispered.

Two more days had slid by in relative silence as Sam and Buffy took to the winding roads leading to Ohio. The radio moaned on quietly, filling the empty spaces with something other than the road passing on underneath their tires. They hadn't stopped to rest, Sam knew if it was his brother he was driving towards nothing would stop him. He gave up on the idea of speech long ago and they had both fallen into a sullen enclosed place where words were not needed. Even in her present state, Sam could sense a small measure of hope coming from her. A hope that he was wrong? Yet all hope for him had disappeared hours ago. Dawn was dead, so was Dean, and who knew if he would ever get him back now.

Buffy's eyes ached, yet she forced them to greet the premature sun rolling over the trees in the distance. They would arrive at the cemetery today. It couldn't be too far now. Her sister lay beyond that sunrise somewhere, cold in the ground. She wondered if she had gone to the same place she had once been after death had claimed her. A part of her knew it, yet the look on Giles' face had placed a heavy doubt upon her heart.

"Buffy," Giles urged, "if Dawn died, there is every chance she reverted back to her original form. Dawn was not born of her own flesh. She existed without a soul, and the only ties keeping her to this existence, was her life in this form. I want to believe more than anyone that Dawn is in Heaven, but the evidence does not support it."

"You are wrong." Buffy had ground out before tossing her pack over her shoulder and retreating to the car in the yard below. She couldn't face the possibility that Giles was right, not until she heard it from Willow herself. And for that, she needed Dawn's body.

Her moist palm closed tighter around the vial Willow had given her. The test to track an essence was simple, and luckily all it needed to work was the host of the essence, and the blood that once ran through it. Once this vial touched Dawn's cold lips, her flesh itself would tell of its spirits whereabouts. Buffy's heart ached at the thought of seeing Dawn like that. But nothing was going to stop her from finding out where her sister was. What happened next all depended on that one simple answer. If Dawn was in Heaven, no matter the pain it cost her, Buffy would let her go. At first her mind had raged at even entertaining the thought, but…

Her eyes slid to the left for a brief moment, catching a glimpse of Sam in the driver's seat. So much had changed since she had once made that threat to Giles, that if Dawn died, she would quit, she wouldn't go on, that there wouldn't be a point anymore. She had seen Heaven now, felt it all around her, if that was where Dawn had gone she would find a way to not be selfish. She would make the right choice and let her rest. Because bringing Dawn back from something like that was something she would never wish on anyone.

But…she knew a bit of Sam's turmoil now. She shared in it so collectively. And sitting with him in silence for so long gave her mind the time to chase every path her life was about to go down. If Dawn was in Heaven, she would honor her deal with Sam and bring Dean back. No matter his involvement in everything. She trusted Sam, and for that reason alone she would trust that Dean had only stabbed Dawn in self defense.

Her eyes slid away slowly from Sam's clenched jaw. But…if Dawn was not in Heaven, if she once again existed in her previous form in purgatory, then that swiftly changed every feeling she ever had about Dean. Every scenario in her mind reverted back to revenge and if Dawn was trapped somewhere without feeling and solace, then Dean would stay where he was and Sam would be on his own.

Her heart panged at the thought and she risked another look in his direction. His gaze was hard on the road before them but she knew he sensed her thoughts about what would happen next. They both clung to a shred of hope, praying that her hope would lead to his and every heavy weight for them, even for a brief moment, would lift off their shoulders.

Soon she would know for sure whether this man would be in her life for another day or out of it forever. And even though she tried to lie to herself and say she hoped that Dawn was in Heaven _only_ because she wished for Dawn to be at peace, her thoughts strayed on Sam for second and despite her mind reeling from the thought of it, she also hoped for it so he _could_ stay in her life…even if for one more day.


	5. Chapter 5

The earth seemed to shake beneath Buffy's boots but she knew from the hollow pit in her stomach that it was not the earth that moved, it was her, above it. The air suddenly felt foreign, a toxic agent sent to envelope her ability to expand her chest properly. Her lips fell open slightly and every shred of grass surrounding her suddenly rose up to meet her.

Sam watched Buffy in the grass at his feet. His heart turned over in his chest at the site of her, yet he knew better than to speak a single word. It had been a solid minute since the mixture Willow had prepared to locate Dawn's soul had touched her cold stiff lips. Nothing had happened. From the few short words he had overheard Buffy exchanging with Willow before their departure, he knew the effects of the spell would be instantaneous.

A stifled sob wretched from Buffy but Sam remained rooted where he was, afraid of what he always expected of himself in these kinds of situations. For the first time in his life, he was terrified of placing comfort on another. And the worst part was deep down he knew it had nothing to do with Dean. Guilt sliced through him for a thousand different reasons and he suddenly felt small. Tears could move men to do almost anything, yet Sam knew he would never be able to move. Not as long as she made those sounds.

Buffy's mind only moved in one direction now, the tears had piled up in her throat and scratched at the opening, begging to be released but she fought them back.

_This... was... a... possibility. _

She forced the words into her reality. Checking them for truth and repeatedly rejecting them. The hope she had shrouded her past 56 hours in crushed down around her. Suddenly the world seemed to only emit gray, the grass at her feet, the sun in her sky; they all matched the color of the unmarked gravestone at the head of Dawn's grave.

Dawn was gone, her soul lost. What if Giles was right? What if her soul had never existed in the first place? The monks had made Dawny out of her, anything she was now only existed within Buffy herself. The moments slid over the chaos in her mind and she knew her stance would have to shift eventually. Sam deserved to know his brothers fate. _Bury it. _She forced the words into her mind, trying to compartmentalize her grief for her sister and move onto the task at hand. She had done it a thousand times, and this one would be no different. Dawn's memory deserved more than this moment in the grass and dirt beside her now empty vessel. She had to make a decision and it had to be now. Her mind rapidly pulled every end she had shown so much conviction for in the ride here yet all of them were becoming less of an option as the moments ticked by. Could she condemn Sam's brother to an eternity in hell for doing the same thing she had done countless times? Each vampire she turned to dust used to be a person, a mother with children at home wondering where she had gone, a friend, someone's soul mate, a nephew, a girlfriend, and a brother…even a sister. How many people's sisters had she killed? The thoughts muddled her mind, made her fear her own power to make a proper choice about this. Why was this so hard? He had killed her! This should be black and white, let him burn, tell Sam to go. There should be nothing else.

Yet there was, and she knew it. In the wake of losing the only part of herself that ever mattered Sam had somehow been that steadfast dam holding back the overflow of her emotions set out to drown her. She had already lost Dawn, could she stand to push away the only thing left that stood between her and her desire to tear after Dawn into the unknown portals of purgatory?

Buffy slid her soil covered hands gently over Dawn's cold and unyielding form and grasped at her hands one last time. Even if they could bring her soul back, this body was no longer Dawn and would never be again. The stab wound had been directly over her heart and carefully sewn shut and covered with a modest open-backed gown for burial. Yet it now lay open to the air just above her dresses broken top button. This would never be Dawn again. Dawn was gone.

Her mind snapped back into the mode she often used to get through the next day when all hope seemed lost. Raising herself up on two legs more steady than she felt she grabbed for the shovel leaning against the headstone behind her and met Sam's gaze.

"We need to bury her." The words grated out past her stiff lips but Buffy barely recognized her own voice. Yet Sam didn't seem to notice, he merely bent down to cradle Dawn's body gently in his arms and laid her back inside her coffin then closed the lid.

Sam's mind reeled at her words, he had expected a million different versions of Buffy after she recovered enough to speak, but this solemn stone-faced girl who stood before him shoveling dirt over her sister's freshly dug grave was not one of them. He was not sure if he'd ever felt such depth of pain in someone who on the outside showed none of it. She was unlike anyone he had ever met and doubted he would ever meet again. But there was a time and a place for his thoughts and feelings toward Buffy and this was neither of those.

Once the ground was back in place over Dawn's grave Sam glanced tentatively over at Buffy, expecting anything but the small smile he saw there.

"They will never know her name." She said lightly, moving her eyes up over the gravestone towards the ripples of sun pulling ever forward towards them. "You can never really bury a sunrise though can you?" she whispered as if to herself. Sam couldn't help but join in the moment, soaking in the orange blasts of color bringing in a new day. It would be a long drive back to Sunnydale, but no matter what Buffy decided to do about Dean now, he knew he'd at least return her home. He felt he somehow owed her that; she had after all saved his life.

They moved side by side slowly back towards the impala and for the first time since he'd known her he sensed an awakening of her spirit, as if a weight had been lifted from her conscience. In that moment it was as if their hands moved of their own accord and clasped around each other. Her hand was cold and small in his and it even shook a bit but it felt right in a way nothing had since Dean had left him behind in this world. In this moment and maybe even the next he needed this woman and he could only hope she felt it too, because he wasn't sure if he was ready to face a world without Dean or his possibility without her yet. She had stormed into his life, all shattered glass and equally stabbing quips, saved his life and thrust upon him a whole new world, one where magic was consequence free and his brother could be a part of it again. She was his savior in more ways than one and he would without a doubt fight for the chance to be hers in return.

Buffy's hand shook within his yet the pressure he placed on her fingers seemed to stop the tremors before they came. She felt a bit crazy for falling into his comfort so easily; there was still so much she didn't know about him yet. But deep down she sensed a depth in him that called out to her equal darkness. They both had pieces of themselves they were fighting to conceal and with that knowledge she allowed herself to stumble over the true cracks in her mind about why they were here. His grip was firm and tight, tighter than anyone had ever dared hold her; the pain was welcome though. Not even Angel had dared hurt her like this and she couldn't have been happier. The pain resonated up her wrist and she reveled in it, it made her feel alive for the first time since she had packed the dirt back over her sister's grave. Her body was alive, her soul intact, her mind her own, she was not buried with her sister deep in ground but here, with Sam and no matter what came next, she knew she would be ready for it. Because she hadn't given up just yet on Dawn, her soul was somewhere, even if it was her own again, and she would find out where. She would get her goodbyes, no matter the cost.

A buzzing sounded inside Buffy's back pocket and she reached around quickly to snatch the cell phone from its place. The receiver's voice sounded far away but she forced herself to listen closely over the static. "Buffy? Bu-Buffy?" A paused threatened the world around her and suddenly a piercing scream flooded through the phone line before it fell to the ground, lost in her heavy hand.

Sam's face looked concerned as he bent to pick up her discarded phone.

"Who was that?" He asked lightly.

"That…" She began, the tremble in her voice returning, "…was my sister."


	6. Chapter 6

Sam sat a good distance off from the gang in the house but he could still hear their raised voices penetrating through the walls.

"It was her Giles! I know what I heard." Buffy yelled. A power had come back into her since Dawn's phone call for help a few days past and Sam wasn't sure which side of her he liked better now. But each new layer he witnessed brought a whole new realization to the fact that she was wedging herself into his heart and at the worst possible time too. He didn't have time to worry about one more person, but like it or not, it was happening, and fast.

"Buffy, " Giles recanted in a firm yet endearing tone, "I have no doubt it was what you did hear, that still does not discount the fact that this is most likely a rouse or a trap. Not to mention that it may not have been Dawn at all."

Silence pulsed through the house matching the sound of Buffy's footsteps across the oak paneled floors. Sam sighed inwardly, he was always front and center on the battle lines, this sitting-back-and-not-knowing-how-to-help feeling was not one he would grow accustomed to anytime soon.

Suddenly Xander's voice broke into the fray. "Maybe Willow will find something out, let's not jump before we know where we are going to land."

"It's the waiting Xander," Buffy started, her voice breaking on his name, "I can't wait anymore."

"Okay, alright, well there is nothing wrong with a lil' recon work while Willow gets her witch on. Why don't you head out tonight, blow off some steam on a vamp or two while Giles, Anya and I hit the stacks again."

Buffy didn't respond but Sam could tell from the repeated silence of the others that a thousand things were being emoted in the dining room. Buffy's expression spoke volumes, words were a tangled trivial mess more than half the time she spoke so it helped she wore her feelings out in the open like that. Or else Sam would be going out of his mind trying to decipher every other situation he found himself in with her. She had mentioned briefly on the ride back to Sunnydale that she would still help him get his brother back and as stiff and uncaring as the words had sounded he had sensed a softness in her eyes that gave him hope she actually felt for his situation. That was enough to keep him around. Every since he hadn't seen nor heard from Willow or the other witch in residence whom he had yet to meet, Tara. He could only hope that they uncovered more solutions than problems, because the problems were mounting by the second and it pulled tension from every nook and cranny of the small house they all barely shared.

Muffled voices came down the hall and into the back porch where he stood now with the door propped open to let in some semblance of fresh air and new atmosphere, yet he couldn't decipher them anymore.

In another moment Buffy appeared next to him with a wooden stake in her hands and held it out to him in an awkward gesture of peace or appreciation, he couldn't tell which.

"Want to learn the _right_ way to slay a vampire?" She teased, the words coming off as more of challenge than an offered lesson.

"I _have_ used one of these before you know?" He said accepting the stake and following her out into the night.

"I never said you didn't," She laughed, the sound warming his heart. "I have seen the trunk of your car after all."

The night masked the cemetery in eerie shades, inking out any warmer colors from Buffy's pale complexion. She looked beautiful in the moonlight, like this was the way she was supposed to be seen. He tried not to stare.

She broke the silence a moment later, "I feel like I should apologize for not apologizing, I mean, you've lost someone too, and I kind of just broke into your house and forced you to come with…and I've been dragging you around ever since."

Sam tried not to smirk at her fumbling version of I'm sorry. "It's okay, grief makes us a little forgetful of anything else sometimes. We have a lot more in common than I'd thought. And it wasn't my house."

"Ah-" She sounded a bit relieved. "So points back in my corner for that. One less transgression to worry about mending."

"I wouldn't have held it against you." He assured, not sure if her own brand of sarcasm was in progress at this moment or not.

"You say that now, but I've replaced one too many windows in my time to not think twice before bursting through them now and then. Alas, it was an 'imperative to the situation' moment." She stated lightly. "Thank-you though, for helping with Dawn. I know this couldn't have been a worse time for you. I owe you a lot. It's just hard for me to show it right now."

"You are doing enough. We didn't ask for this, it was dealt to us." He replied, a solemn note edging into his voice.

"I know. I'm just trying to justify my…everything." She faltered. "My behavior…" She went on correcting. "I just miss her. It seems like an eternity since I've heard her complain about dinner being late, or caught her trying to sneak out of the house with something from my closet on under her coat." She smiled at the memory and it was as if her voice smiled too. "I'm just tired Sam, I've been through this before a thousand times, stopped the bad guys, saved the world. And it was always worth it because I had her. I've lost friends, lost so much along the way, but when I think about the rest of my life without Dawn, I can't picture myself past the moment I'm in. It's all just blank."

Sam could only agree. Dean had always been the centering focus in this fight of theirs, he could imagine a thousand lifetimes in Hell but never the rest of this one without Dean on Earth.

"I know how you feel." He whispered. "But we are going to get them back. I feel that now more than ever, I can't explain it, but I feel it."

He thought he saw Buffy swipe at a tear but by the time their eyes met she was merely pulling a loose strand of hair back over her right ear.

"You don't have to say those things to me, I said I'd help you get your brother back and I will."

Sam almost laughed at her incredulous tone. "Without you, I would've been back at those crossroads by now, offering up my soul for Dean's, or in some dive hotel, trying to work pointless magic of my own. You opened my narrow views a little wider and with it brought me hope. I owe you a lot too you know. So let me say those things to you okay? Cause I need to say them as much as you need to hear them."

Buffy's eyes widened at his words and he found himself falling into their depths, hoping for once the world would allow them more than this small moment. But even as the gravity of his black boots brought his weight forward towards her, needing to feel closer to her, the woods off to his left carried with it a loud crack, breaking the illusion of safety he had found himself in.

Buffy's eyes snapped towards the direction of the sound and she wasn't sure if she should listen to her heart which felt disappointment or her head which silently thanked the sounds host for interrupting what could've been a huge mistake.

Thankfully she didn't have another second to dissect her ever revolving feelings as the thing that would (for a little while at least) be her punching bag that went poof came stumbling out of the edge of the woods. Buffy could've laughed at the newly awakened and disorientated vamp but decided instead to dust off her how-to-properly-stake-a-vampire training manual and let Sam have the reins on this one.

"So you said you've done this before?" She mocked, a small grin breaking through the previous tension.

"Yeah, well-" He started, stopping short at her teasing attitude and doing a double take at her relaxed demeanor. "Well it was a bit more dire of a situation!" He exclaimed, exasperated and confused. "Vampires can kill you you know?" He said raising his voice in hopes to pressure a response out of her.

She simply pranced over to a headstone and hopped aboard crossing her arms, stake still in hand, looking calmer than ever.

"Yeah, but only if you let them." She stated in a mock serious tone.

"I should've never come out hunting with you should I have?" He said keeping one wary eye on the vampire now headed their way with a wild look in its eyes.

"The proper term is actually patrolling. But that remains to be seen now doesn't it?" She stated lightly. "Now remember that sharp pointy end goes in its heart."

"Ha ha," Sam choked out dryly. He turned to face the vampire just as it made contact with his chest plowing him down onto the rough ground beneath his back. Well, he thought briefly, all the while struggling to regain the upper hand, this was a new side of her he _wasn't_ sure if he liked.


	7. Chapter 7

Dawn watched the scene unfold before her and tried her best not to scream. No one could hear her anyway, it was less like she was invisible and more like she had never existed to begin with every minute that slipped by. She had no body, no voice, no feelings, no touch. Her senses numb and her memories slipped away two by two leaving her childhood bare. Not that she had really lived it anyway, but it all had felt so real and she would give anything to go back to that illusion now. Life flashed around her at a rapid fire pace, people moving as if on fast forward. In the span of one day weeks had gone by and she had screamed into the deafness of the world passing by her until she thought she would go insane.

Where she was she couldn't say and it was beginning to matter less and less. She would gladly give up her ability to feel if the opposite meant an eternity trapped here. Darkness perished her mind's eye into nothingness again and again, and the only relief came from a flickering movement that came and went with a noise akin to terror. She wasn't sure how she saw when she herself was nothing, but while nothing of her was left she still witnessed the horrors she was soaked in and absorbed the sounds emitting from the helpless souls trapped here with her. None ever spoke a formed word; just echoing screams, terrible cries, cries so horrible they would've engulfed her in a fear unlike any other if only she had anything left to fear.

Another bright flash emitted from the area around her and she tried to grasp a source of the electricity but she saw none. Only the unfolding torture of a helpless creature that might have been human once beneath all the blood. It was the first time her sight had allowed her a glimpse of anything beyond the darkness. Each previous flash had come and gone too fast for her to make out anything substantial, forms crawled inside her mind, making up the scene before her when her own vision failed.

Yet this time she knew what she had seen was real. And now it had lodged itself in her mind, pushing out more memories of her life. She wished she could close her eyelids, shut out the scenes pulsing in the red tints and white stained world evolving before her, but it was no use.

_Buffy…_she cried into her mind, yet it only came out a mere whisper before floating out of reach, receding into the recesses of her mind like an anonymous fragment perhaps lost forever. She caught a foretaste time and again of the way it had sounded, touching on the name over and over but it danced away from her mind again and again, enraging her. The name was lost to her. _I have a sister. I do. _She thought tersely, hoping sheer will alone would bring the name back to her. But it was gone like all the other memories, replaced by the new things she had seen, and she didn't even have the strength to bring them back.

The scene brightened back into her awareness again, this time producing two figures and bits of a conversation followed the empty useless path to where she once existed with flesh and ears.

"You want it to stop Dean?" The cackles crept into her mind and lodged there. "You know what to do. Surrender to me and it will all stop." The flashes returned and she caught site of the red-fleshed creature strew up on a rack, hands and feet bound to it in a useless manner. No way could this thing walk even if given a chance for escape. Blood pooled up over its lips and through the grit and grime of its own skin ground out one inaudible sound that could only be one word, because directly after it was spoken the monster that asked for surrender picked up a knife and drove it into the helpless creatures chest, ending its life in one shuddering gasp. Yes, Dawn thought back on the scene now lost to the darkness before her, it could only have been one word, the word that now held every bit of meaning to her existence in this place and her trust in the fact that she would perhaps escape one day.

_Never._

Sam pulled his mind away from her form and tried to focus on her ability to render a vampire useless in less than ten seconds. After she had let him struggle in an embarrassing manner for the good part of five minutes before finally staking the vampire that had assailed him, she then proceeded to mock him about it. Luckily when another vampire sprang from the dirt he thought he'd have a chance to prove himself a bit more skilled than previously witnessed, but she had pounced on it with a vengeance. Her body swiftly dodged every throw and the one it did get in that would've left him reeling she bounced back from like she was merely swatting away a bee. A second later the vampire was dust and Buffy skipped off in the direction of the impala glancing passively over her shoulder back at him. He only shook his head with a slight smile. She was a miracle, given the power of a demon like him but she held it so well, conquered it so completely. Darkness engulfed him so often he wondered how she dealt with its presence inside her all the time. Maybe this was it he thought sullenly, he after all, had taken fist to demon on occasion after all, if only to alleviate his grief over his own situation.

Her smile brought heat to his groin and he tried not to adjust himself when she was looking. Suddenly in a flash the sprinklers at the edge of the cemetery flickered on showering them with water in the cool air. Buffy jumped backward for a second startled by the action.

"What the-" She started, shock in her tone. "Almost six years in Sunnydale and never a sprinkler in sight. Where the _hell_ did…" her voice trailed off as if embarrassed to be using the word that held his brother from him. "I-I'm sorry." She stuttered. But the word hadn't affected him; he was in fact not listening at all. Buffy's button up shirt clung to her breasts and the white undershirt beneath it. She halted her apology when she saw the flash of his gaze on her and hitched a breath in response. They stood for another moment, being soaked further by the sprinklers now jetting in wide circles around them.

The blood was hot in Buffy's veins. Every kill brought this side of her to the surface. Sam was right, what she did wasn't patrolling, it was hunting and it called to her primal side. One she now knew existed inside Sam as well. In another moment she would find herself doing things she wished she hadn't thought about so much in the past couple weeks with Sam. Yet their gazes wouldn't stray from one another and in another second she knew she'd have to make a choice one way or the other. Surrender to the darkness willing to consume her or struggle out of the only moment since Dawn had been taken that she truly felt alive again. Yes, in another moment she would make that choice, she berated her weak mind, her eyes straying down his body. In just one more moment…


	8. Chapter 8

Suddenly clothes were the problem; collars clung to their throats cutting off the air needed to survive. The weight of the water melted into every fiber of her pants, dragging her down as if it were lead and not mere aqua. Buffy couldn't have been happier her strength allowed her to rip the foreign feeling of them from her cold thighs, rejoicing in the wind on her skin. The pores of her skin accepting the breath of the air around her suddenly, sending shivers up spine. Sam's hands made contact with the back of her sheer camisole and in one swift motion ripped it to the sides and down her stomach. He staggered back in shock of his own actions but the glint of his guilt for his behavior buried itself in lust as he reached desperately for the buttons on his jeans. Buffy stepped forward quickly leaving her soaking wet tank top behind on the grass and colliding with Sam before he had a chance to free himself from his clothes. His hands went up into her half wet hair, echoing her need. It was more than lust between them now, it was an awakening of something sprung from pain and yet trying to find its way through pleasure. Their lips melted together. Something gentle called out from him even when the pressure of his hands grasping at the soft skin of her back sprang flashes of pain into her mind.

Fire pooled into her belly as his lips danced over hers. Her fingers shook as she yanked his wet tee up over his chest and leaving his jacket behind them somewhere in the attempt to flee the raining waters. His skin burned under her fingertips and she clutched at him desperately trying to get closer to this feeling. Her mind reeled inside itself, circling back and forth through guilt and horror yet always coming back to the safety she felt when he only grasped at her harder. Without a second thought she gave herself over to the intensity of the situation, god how she needed this release. Needed to feel him surround her, consume her, needed to give herself over to something even if for this fleeting moment. Her lips collided with his again and this time liquid softened the friction between her legs.

Suddenly his pants were gone and in a flash they landed on the grass and Buffy found herself beneath him. Fear sliced through her for a second but she abated its hold on her soul. This was Sam, this was Sam, her Sam, oh god this was Sam. _Shut up._ She urged her reckless mind. But the choirs in her head sprang to life again and again until her lips obeyed and called his name into the night. "Sam…"

When his lips met her breasts she surged forward with a small cry. The night air chilled every inch of her, spreading goose bumps across her pale flawless skin yet beneath the surface her blood boiled. And suddenly he was inside her, pulling out all her guilt over the joy she now felt with every stroke. Her hands were everywhere but she grasped nothing, her mind saw everything yet darkness blinded her senses. Something built inside her, something she had never felt before, something no one had ever made her feel. It was beyond lust, past trust, even surpassed love, if she had even ever truly felt such a thing. It was peace, complete and utter peace. It called for her with each breath, dragged her under with each thrust, echoed in her mind with every shout they called into the night. It was there, waiting for her to claim it, that breath of life only surrender could award you. And when she found it finally a small tear slipped out of the corner of her eye and buried itself in her hair, forgotten and unseen. A second later heat exploded through her, pulling tremors outward down her legs and surging back up into her chest. Sam joined her then in climax and shook on unsteady arms over her small frame, unwilling to crush her with his weight no matter her strength. He gently brushed a strand of blonde hair off her forehead and leaned down to press his lips against hers. It was finality to something so perfect. Born in desperation, brought about by longing, fueled by lust and sealed with a trust so deep she wasn't sure if she could believe it. It was the moment saved for words neither was ready to say. The invisible intentions of the moment hung around the atmosphere for a few more moments, haunting the shadows. The connection died a second later when a chill swept over the hill of the cemetery with the wind sponging their bodies with a gentle mist from the sprinklers off at a distance now.

A small smile reached Buffy's lips and Sam couldn't stop one from touching his own heart. She was beautiful in a way he had never experienced before. Being a part of her was only the beginning for him and he found himself craving the feel of her again all around him. He knew he should say something, anything, but words were trivial. He wanted more than anything to know how she felt but he couldn't allow himself the moment. Too much hung in the balance. Their minute of being selfish was past, they had indulged in it, surrounded themselves with a momentary relief of all the evils in their mind but it couldn't go on. A sadness tinged her smile now as it faded slowly and their eyes stayed fixed on the other. She felt it too, the gravity of the moments they had wasted here when so much was at stake. Yet he wouldn't allow himself to be buried by it. He needed her for more than this moment and the one after that. He needed her to assuage the loss inside him, needed her to touch him and heal his wounds, needed her to fight by his side, share in his despair when push came to shove. This small woman, with her passion for life after all she had seen, with a strength unparalleled yet wore a mask so fragile. With her eyes that told a million stories and hands that had saved his life and now strove to heal his heart. In less than a month she had swept into his life and changed it irrevocably. He was in love and he knew it. But he also knew Buffy and the only thing that she couldn't allow herself right now was to hear those words from him. So he buried them, somewhere he knew he would never retrieve them from and pulled himself up into a sitting position. She sat up beside him and closed her eyes briefly, affliction to their situation pulling at her restless mind no doubt. Retrieving his damp jacket from the top of a headstone where it had landed he handed it to Buffy to wear. He tried to stuff his legs back into his wet jeans but fumbled a bit with the awkwardness of the moment and tried not to look too jaded by their ongoing silence.

He turned and stifled a laugh at how adorable she looked with her hair a skew, blades of grass matted into the back and his extra large brown jacket dwarfing her small stature. She twisted her right foot inward for a second and looked down at her bare legs.

"Yeah yeah." She said, breaking the tension of the previous moments. "I'm short…er than you. Half of which is your fault. It's not like you could meet me half way and be of average height." She reached him just as he finished lacing up his black boots. He gave a half laugh as she stood on each of his doc martens and raised herself up onto tip toes pulling his neck down with her arms. "Just how tall are you anyway?" She teased. It was an answer that didn't stand a chance of being answered, because at that moment she leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, erasing any doubt of her wishing to forget this night ever happened. He enveloped her in his arms and deepened the kiss, clinging to the real thing before the idea of her slipped away from him again. Only this time, he was sure even if it did he'd chase it anywhere.


	9. Chapter 9

The dinner table was an awkward two-second-stare shuffle. Spike who had welcomed himself to yet another Scooby sit down set an eye on Sam and refused to budge it since he'd rudely given himself an impromptu welcome-to-dinner invite. Buffy tried not to let the color creep back into her cheeks.

Ever since the night they had spent together in the cemetery Sam had been a tad shade short of green around Spike who he had previously not been introduced to. But Spike's demeanor toward Buffy had immediately implied TAKEN in neon brights. It had only been two days since Spike had returned from his own 'Find Dawn Detail' empty handed yet in the Summers home it had felt like a lifetime. Things were getting cramped with Spike's new constant presence and it was wearing on Buffy more than she'd like to admit. That vampire was one solid stare away from being dusted under the rug.

"Okay," She started suddenly clattering her Mother's good china as she stood quickly. She covered it with an awkward smile and clutched at the plates for balance as she back away to the kitchen for a reprieve. "Who wants dessert?" She asked pleasantly through gritted teeth, as Sam and Spike simultaneously got up to help her in the kitchen.

Buffy frowned at their pause and twin looks from her to each other and back to her again, almost as if they awaited an answer from her. A small groan escaped her as she turned to the kitchen solo and emptied the plates into the sink with a shade less grace than she possessed.

Xander cleared his throat gently from the hall leading into the dining room. "Do you want to talk about it?" He offered.

Buffy turned with a hand pressed against her closed eyelids. Her hands flew to the sink behind her and fidgeted there as she let out a huge sigh. "I don't know Xander. I just…" Her voice trailed off as she seemed to compose herself. "It just seems like one annoyance too much right now. I know everyone is here to help but with Willow and Tara MIA and Dawn still…" Her voice cracked as she fumbled over her sister's name. "I think I'm just one female short of sanity right now."

"Hey you know I never claimed to be of Willow's advice-giving caliber, but I'm not completely blind to these things either. Something happened between you two didn't it? You and Sam?"

Buffy sighed again and rolled a fist back over her neck. "Maybe it was a mistake Xander, maybe I'm not thinking clearly right now, maybe _maybe_ is one too many maybes for me. I just can't deal with all this correctly right now. I'm making mistakes. I know it. But I can't seem to _stop_ myself from making them."

Xander crossed the space between them and put and arm around her. "Hey look, there is nothing wrong with how you are coping. He's a nice guy, he's helping you out, so you helped yourself to a little something right back. Doesn't work for every poor chap to cross your path but hey you win some you lose some right?" He joked.

Buffy slid him a frustrated glance and added an eye roll for good measure.

"Thanks Xander. I'll learn and grow from these talks we have."

They both smiled hoping this wouldn't have to come up again. Talking to Xander about boy troubles was just one too many things she didn't have the heart for right now. If anything her heart stopped working altogether since two nights past. The ride home had enveloped Sam into a strange sort of silence Buffy felt compelled to match and by the time they reached her house it was a bit too late for a goodnight kiss. They had been business as usual ever since. And even though she knew she couldn't afford another weight on her heart or her mind right now it _did_ weigh on her. She wanted back into that feeling he had given her. That place of peace she had flown too where just for a moment nothing mattered more than the minute they existed in. Yet she couldn't even conceive of how to get back there. It seemed like every second they were alone he was a lifetime away from her.

Could she just reach over and touch his hand like they were meant to be that way? Could she sink into his arms again like that was where she belonged? She didn't want to scare him away. Time was fragile for them both right now. And the more time that slipped away since that night the more of a wedge she was allowing between them and she knew it. If she didn't do something to drag him back to her she would lose him too. That she wasn't prepared to do.

"Knock knock." Spikes English drawl sounded from the hallway as Xander moved past him with a warning frown.

"You know what Spike? Let's keep the Buffy-gazing to a minimum tonight, there's only so much a man can take before he goes a-dustin."

Spike gave Xander an answering lift of his brows and followed his retreat to the dining room to finish cleaning up. He swung his head back around to Buffy and gave a relaxed stance against the side of the paneling, half perched inside the kitchen, half ready to flee at any real sign of annoyance.

"I think Mr. Brawny tough and clean in there has a bit of a thing for you." He teased. When she blushed he cocked his head to the side in a bit of confusion over her reaction. "No witty puns or comebacks?" He offered as a verbal sparring stick.

She sighed and turned from the sink. "Spike, tonight…let's just not do this. Please." A pleading note entered her voice and Spike could only nod as he took the back door into the night.

Buffy retreated to her bedroom without a word to the bustling bodies in the dining room and prayed no one would follow her. Rest mocked her lately yet tonight it seemed to be drowning her. She knew Giles still had work to do and would be off somewhere with his head in a book, and Xander knew better than to stay here tonight. The awkwardness of their almost silent dinner would drive him home to his own cellar. Buffy could only settle her mind on one thing…that this left her and Sam alone in this big house. Her life was void of so much lately, peace, love, laughter. It all evaded her time and again. Even when she found a moment to be herself the guilt came crawling back to the surface. Her Dawn was still gone, yet even though they hadn't heard back from Willow just yet there was a deep seated possibility wedging its way into Buffy's mind that sang out that Dawn was alright. Maybe she didn't have a body to come back to, but then again maybe she did. Willow had brought Buffy back when her insides must have been shattered on the rocks below her fall. All her eggs were in Willow's basket with this one and Willow knew it too.

But none of that really affected her. She trusted Willow, knew her power was strong albeit too powerful for someone who shouldn't be dabbling as much as she was lately. But that was one worry she would let rest until Dawn was back safe in her arms. If anyone could put her there, it was Will.

Buffy ran the bath and set about getting back into her old routine for bed. Giles had urged her to do so after Dawn disappeared but she had never felt she could actually do so until now. All the pieces were falling into place and her hopes were reaching an all time high which put her mind at ease.

After a long soak she found herself crawling under the soft sheets intent on a long nights rest without some major crisis propping up for once. But her nerves rattled in time with a knock at her door. She sighed as she crawled over to the door expecting to see Giles book in hand and prophecy on his lips, or Spike with another prodding remark. The last person she expected to see interrupting her was Sam. Who just happened to not even let her blink before surging forward and grasping her face gently in his hands and leading his lips down over hers. Instinct took over Buffy's body and she melted against him giving into the urgency to be one with him again. Warmth crawled through her veins as she pushed a leg past him and kicked the door shut. _This is happening,_ she regaled herself. But she allowed the feelings good and bad this time. Guilt surfaced but was killed by his sudden presence in her mind, his closeness filling her thoughts. His body pressed hers forward onto the bed and she gave into him. When his lips trailed down her neck they left a path of fire in their wake. Shudders wracked her body, hardening her nipples as his hands brushed over the cotton of her night shirt.

She pulled her hips forward meeting his and hoping the magic of this moment would last forever. As soon as the thought came to life it ended just as fast with the ringing of the phone on the nightstand beside them. Sam pulled back from her a reluctant look on his face as if he was battling not to simply press her back into the sheets and never let her go.

She scrambled out from under him and reached for the phone. She hadn't even lifted the receiver to her ear when she heard Willow's voice calling her name through the ear piece.

"Willow?" She asked in confusion, "It's late is everything alright?"

"Buffy," Willow stated in a rush of words. "We did it, we found Dawn Buffy. Get your ass over here right now. I'll text you the address."

"What? Willow let me talk to her!" Buffy's heart pounded against her ribs, as if trying to break them down. _Dawny?_

"Buffy no, that's the thing, we know _where_ she is, but we can't get to her. The only way a mortal can go where Dawn is if they die first Buff. Don't freak out but-Dawn's in Hell."

Buffy's heart sank to a level she never knew existed. She felt as if her soul had been wretched from her body and she watched herself down below, paralyzed by a world where poor innocent Dawn was trapped in the polar opposite of all the wonder she had felt in heaven.

Buffy pressed her lips together and refused to blink, letting the unshed tears pool in her eyes as she slowly came to grips with Willow's news.

"How did this happen, Willow?" She whispered into the mouth piece, trying to sound calm.

"How? We don't know that yet. But she is definitely there."

"Can you get her out Will?"

"We tried many times hun, that's not an option from this end, but Buffy I got you one better, I found a doorway into there. The people around here call it a Devil's Gate."

Buffy felt Sam stiffen on the bed beside her but she focused on Willow's words.

"And you can get in it-um get it open? Get Dawn out?"

"Like I said it's a one way street for mortals, only demons can come and go, we've seen it. But Buffy, that means you get a free ride in _and_ out. You can get Dawn out of there."

Buffy's heart leap in her throat. Her hand drooped from her ear and she let the phone slide down to her chest. Willow was right. Her power had come from a demon, its darkness calling to her while she always tried to hold that side of her away from the rest of her life. She _was_ part demon. One girl in all the world, made _from_ demons and called to fight them.

She returned the ear piece to the side of her head as the sound of Willow's irate "Buffy's!" pierced through her conscious thoughts. She tried to steady her hand as she whispered one response. "I'm on my way Willow. Get that gate ready."


	10. Chapter 10

"Buffy wait-Buffy!" Sam chased her about the house as she threw clothes into a pack carelessly and started for the stairs.

"You don't understand what this gate will do when opened." She continued to ignore him.

He flew down the stairs after her. "Buffy _please._" He pleaded. "I've seen what those doors open into, you won't just be letting Dawn out, everything you ever imagined was never real will come out of there and you won't be able to stop it!"

Nothing.

She swung the door back on its hinges narrowly missing his face as he dodged its path back towards him. He chased her to his car and caught her arm as she reached the passenger side door. She allowed his grasp.

"Buffy," He seethed, trying to keep his voice under control. "You are not listening to me. Devil's Gates don't open without consequences. You can't understand what you will be allowing to walk this Earth. Things that were never meant to be let out. Soul's so corrupt they were banished to an eternity of misery as punishment. Demons that have been blood thirsty for a thousand centuries. People will die, _hundreds _will die."

Buffy's hardened gaze showed no signs of relenting. She swung her pack into the back seat and slammed the door facing him once more.

"I _am_ going to open that door Sam, and I _will _get my sister back. And after that I will kill anything that dares try and escape. You can help me, or you can get out of my way, but so help me God if you try and stop me, I _will _kill you." Her tone was calculating and cold and her eyes drilled into him breaking away any hope he had of reaching a reasonable side of her.

He nodded once and tried to wipe the disappointment from his face. She was irate, determined to get them all killed and many more in the pursuit of something she would never even reach before being torn to shreds. But what could he do now? All he had were his words and she was beyond listening to them. She would kill them all and if he couldn't stop her there was nowhere he'd rather be than by her side as the doors swallowed them whole, fighting till their last breaths left them.

Willow paced the cemetery in Stull, Kansas. Preparing herself mentally for what needed to be done. She was already half lost to her magic and she knew it but she hid it well. Buffy needed her, Dawn needed her. She didn't care if darkness itself rose up to drown her, she'd never stop fighting to reach Dawn.

Tara sat against a crooked headstone watching her with sad eyes. Her whispery voice urged Willow to rest. "Please hunnie, come sit, you need to save your strength."

"What if I can't do this Tara?" Willow choked out. "What if-I let Buffy down?" She crossed the space between them and enfolded herself in Tara's arms, resting her head in her lap. Tara gently brushed the deep red locks away from Willow's pale skin. Her heart was in this woman's hand, always had been and now she had to trust her to come back to her after this. Willow had been abusing magic lately and the rift it created between them was unbearable. Yet she stood by Willow, knew a part of her always would. Even Willow knew now the pressure she was under to not lose herself to this darkness calling for her. Too much was at stake. Dawn's soul was at stake, her very existence.

"You are stronger than anyone I have ever known Willow. I believe in you, and we will get through this together, no matter what."

Tara's words washed over Willow's heart and buried it in a sweet grief only she could procure. In Tara's arms anything was possible. She let the tears in her eyes slide down her cheeks and burrowed deeper into Tara's warm lap, hoping to get lost there. Hoping that above all else she would be able to find herself again on the other side of all it would take to open the door's to Dawn.

Sam listened intently as Buffy phoned all of the leftover Scoobies one by one, telling them to high tail it to Kansas for the show down of a lifetime. He noticed she left out the most important part when talking to her mentor and watcher as she called him, Giles. They would be going straight into the mouth of Hell.

Buffy fidgeted in her seat after hanging up. He sensed uneasiness about her but tried to keep his words to himself for now. If she was having second thoughts maybe it was better to let her have them.

"I shouldn't have said that." She blurted out, sliding a gaze over to him in the driver's seat.

He nodded. "I know why you did."

"I didn't mean it. I mean-I did-I just…" She paused a bit frustrated at how it was sounding to him. "Just not _all_ of it. Not the killing you part."

He tried not to smile at her flustered stammering. "Thank-you. It's nice to know you wouldn't kill me if I tried to save your life."

Buffy let out a small laugh that slowly drifted into a stunned silence. "I just need to have her back Sam. She so much a part of me. She _is_ me. Did I ever tell you how she came into my life?"

Sam frowned. "I am guessing the normal way, but now you have me rethinking that one."

Buffy allowed herself a small smile. "She was sent to me. So I could protect her. Before she was Dawn, she wasn't human at all. She was something ageless and important, a key that unlocked worlds. She was made from me, entrusted to _me_. The connection we have, it's more than love, more than blood. I can't live with the fact that she isn't safe."

Sam sighed, letting her words wash over him. "I understand. Every day Dean is gone is another I can't get back. Whatever is happening to them down there..." His voice drifted off.

Silence stretched on beside them as the miles rolled away. When the car finally pulled into the dry hot graveyard night was barely setting on the second day since they'd left Sunnydale behind. Willow and Tara were there, looking frazzled and nervous. Buffy embraced Willow completely, allowing the moment to soak in. This may be the last day she saw her best friend alive.

"Xander?" Willow asked pulling back from Buffy's all encompassing arms.

"On his way. Giles and Anya are with him. We do this tonight Will, you ready?"

"Are you ever ready to rip open the gates of Hell and go inside for a stroll?" Her question was rhetorical but Buffy smiled in answer.

Willow gave Sam a weak smile that he returned as he joined them near the crypt at the back of the graveyard. The door looked almost identical to the one he had seen a year ago. A pentagram was encircled in the center of the two doors with a round slot in the center for the colt. He fingered the gun through the material of his jacket, praying he wouldn't have to tell them he had a key to the one thing they were hell bent on breaking open.

He glanced at Buffy and his pulse raced at the thought of losing her too. Her blonde hair lay lose about her shoulders, delicately curling about her face. He wanted to touch it, one last time. But time for them was up, this was it, and he'd just have to make due following her into Hell and trying his damndest to keep her safe. His insides screamed at the thought of failing. _Keep her safe Sam_, his mind called to him. His fingers itched to reach out to her. But this version of Buffy wasn't the one who so willing trusted him inside her, or melted under his touch. This was the Buffy that would step over his corpse to get to her sister.

He needed to be careful.

By the time Giles, Xander and his fiancée Anya, a strange mouthed blonde he had only met briefly, arrived it was nearing midnight. The moon cast eerie shadows down over the cemetery and Sam thought back to the first time he had seen Buffy under these lights. She was just as beautiful now as she was then, but everything about now was different. Sweat started to heat his palms, as he prepared for what was about to happen.

Once last glance at Buffy showed him he was in a league of his own tonight. She held a stern look about her, ready for anything. As Willow and the rest of the gang prepared their circle Buffy reached out to touch the door that stood between her and her sister.

"You are really going to go through with this aren't you?" He asked.

Buffy's gaze softened for a split second and he saw past the mask she wore into battle. It broke his heart. Inside she must be feeling everything he was, the fear they would fail. How she had the strength to never show it he could never understand. Death loomed before them all, yet she faced it head on as if it were nothing but a skipping stone to where Dawn lay.

Her next words tore at his gut and sealed his fate alongside hers. "I never even had a choice." She whispered, leaving him behind to stare at the door.

He refused to watch her go. The more he held onto her now the harder it would be to stay in this fight with a level head. He knew now that he loved the impossible version of her just as much as the one that brought a light to his life. They lived a life in the shadows, forever overlooked and without thanks for everything they did. They would lose so much by the time this night was over. Yet to him, it was all worth the journey. She had raced into his life at a moment when he thought he'd never feel anything ever again but empty and filled every other moment without Dean with a new sense of future.

He turned into the door colt in hand. He knew now what he would have to do and he only hoped she wouldn't hate him for it. As he slid the colt into place and turned it with a soft click, he risked a glance over his shoulder. The last thing he saw before the door lock released was Buffy's wide gaze fixed on his as realization of what he intended to do came over her.


	11. Chapter 11

Buffy's mind reeled at the image before her and she found herself taking a step back from the horror. Black streaked the sky in droves, darting about her and then reaching for the sky in a shot of darkness. The black mass was gone as soon as it had pulsed out of the crack in the doors Sam had just slipped through and Buffy screamed internally. Her stomach plummeting inside her she found her feet staggering towards the Devil's Gate.

The impact proved to her befuddled mind that she had in fact been running, despite the slow crawl her thoughts had put her pace at. She slid her hands over the surface tears pooling in her eyes. He was gone. He had disappeared by a door leading into the mouth of Hell and left them all here. A firm resolve slipped past her defenses and she allowed the tears to abate without being freed. Her fists clenched at her sides and she turned from the door in a state of fury she had not felt since Dawn had been taken from her.

This was her fault. She had allowed this. Allowed Dawny to be taken. She had been so swept up in the aftermath of her own resurrection she was letting everyone who ever meant anything to her slip away from sight.

Outrage clawed at her gut, turning her mind from the task at hand into a joke. Let the entire underworld try and stop her. She'd stood at the mouth of Hell before, won every war with the things that clawed their way up from below. Nothing would stop her from this now. Not even the thoughts of finding Sam dead below her feet.

"Willow!" She barked out, roughness coating her voice. "Get this thing open! Now!"

Willow didn't even hesitate, just began chanting words that to Buffy meant only one thing, whether Sam Winchester liked it or not, she was going to be right behind him.

In the distance she faintly registered Anya's frantic murmuring to Xander as he tried to calm her down. "Can he do that? _How_ did he do that? Oh god, we are all gonna die aren't we?"

Buffy turned from the distractions of her friends and slid her heated grip around the hilt of her two-hand axe. One way or the other, this night was going to end badly; she just hoped she got a few shots off before an ending found her.

Tara's hand at Buffy's shoulder should have startled her but Buffy found herself sinking into the contact. _This might be the last time someone touches me this way, _She thought grimly, _with the intent to comfort and not torture._ Tara's smile waxed and waned as she slid her gaze from Willow and set it deep into Buffy's line of vision.

Her other hand rose forward in a gesture of offering and in it lay a small stone no bigger than a grape. It was a pure white crystal and held a soft glow in the center that would've made the sunrise itself ashamed. Buffy let her pupils fixate around the wonder it made her feel. She had seen a stone not unlike this one before. An orb of Thesulah, a stone meant to summon and keep a soul protected, but the last one known had been destroyed in an attempt to reinstate Angel's soul. No word had ever been heard of another. There was said to be none left on Earth.

"How?" Buffy began, wonder and relief coating her words.

"Willow conjured it, made it from nothing. She knew you'd need it in there. It's designed to only recognize Dawn's soul. Nothing else can penetrate it. There's nothing like it in the world. We tried using it earlier, but since it's not imbued with any other power, it can only capture the essence it was made for upon touching it."

Buffy let the sounds of the night wash over her mind, the orb now safely tucked away in her jeans pocket. Her axe hung loosely from her left hand. The countdown in her mind had begun. She would get to Dawn or die trying. She had nothing left to lose. Not anymore.

Willow suddenly collapsed onto the ground with a violence Buffy hadn't seen before in one of her spells. She wretched backwards suddenly as vines beneath her skin crawled up her neck staining her milky skin a violent red. Her screams filled the night as Buffy charged forward throwing herself at the circle and being flung backward into a headstone. Pain erupted from her side but she pushed it to the back of her mind.

Tara's screams reached her ears a second later as the Scooby gang watched in horror as Willow's skinned opened around the movement beneath its surface. Whatever was inside of her invisible to the eye as her skin peeled backward over each small wound again and again until her face and arms, neck and throat were covered in lacerations.

Willow's hair slowly began to ink itself with a dark red drowning out the bright red locks fluttering over her bloodied skin. Buffy lifted her axe to cut away at the invisible force repelling them from helping Willow but found Tara's words filling the space between them.

"N-No!" She stammered out. "She can do this. It's testing her."

Buffy held her axe high all the same, waiting for the shock of black to flood Willow's eyes next. Only her eyes were sealed shut against the onslaught of power rushing through her.

Willow's mouth opened and although no sound reached their ears Buffy knew now she was speaking to the powers that held the gates closed. A second later the spell's backlash tossed Willow against the inside of her own circle. She bounced off it and collapsed onto the ground. Tara threw herself onto Willow, her hands in her hair, her lips at her temple.

"Willow? Baby?" She moaned her voice a frightened whisper. Willow rolled into Tara embrace and heaved an exhausted sigh of relief to be still alive. Buffy's eyes widened at what had just happened. She had seen Willow perform scary magic before, but nothing like this.

She snapped her head back at the still closed gates and her heart skipped a beat. "What happened Will?" She demanded.

Willow lifted her head yet made no attempt to sit up. "They wouldn't open the doors. Not for me."

Buffy started to open her mouth in protest but Willow waved a frustrated hand in her direction to silence her.

"They will not let anything more out tonight. The powers won't risk the scales tipping. They will let someone in, but only one of us."

Buffy sat back onto her haunches and let the moment sink in.

"What do I have to do?" She said, no hesitation whatsoever in her voice.

"Your blood." Willow breathed. Tara clutched her tighter and stroked her hair over and over a look of reverence in her gaze. Buffy knew that look; it was one on each and every person's eyes after they saw Willow pull off the impossible time and again while still clawing her way back from the depths of black magic.

Without a second look at the people she would be leaving behind Buffy turned to face the doors to Hell. She'd been here before, at the gaping mouth of darkness, evil reaching upward for her very existence.

Living on a Hellmouth was second nature to her now. But how many people could say they'd actually been to Hell and back, literally. She was about to find out exactly how many. Dawn first, no matter what she found in there. _No matter what_…she paused in her thoughts trying to regale her mind of all it would be soon be witness to, _no matter what bodies she had to crawl over to get to her. _

_Dawn…Dawny…_

Her arms suddenly felt the weight of her sister's missing embrace. Tonight she would return a piece of her soul to her life, and if fate had anything to do with it, return the broken piece of her heart Sam had taken with him too.

With a prick of her fingertip on the axe she squeezed a drop of blood to the surface and inserted her finger into the hole Sam had been blocking before he disappeared through the doors. She would be following her heart and soul down into that pit. She'd spent years trying to stop them from coming up to her part of the world. She'd never given much thought to surrendering her place on the surface and bring the fight down to them. She was about to see if it was even possible.

_No regrets Buffy. Dawn and Sam are in there. No regrets…_

An instant later she felt her body weightlessly push through the surface of the doors, transporting her body through the iron gates as if she was a ghost. The wind escaped her and sound pushed into her eardrums like a hollow drone. When her senses came back to her she almost wished they hadn't. Blood curdling screams bombarded her thoughts pushing into every crevice of her body and chilling her to the bone. Goosebumps barely had enough time to erupt on her arms when she was slammed into total darkness.

Fear shot through her but it didn't have time to thrive, what did was the deep seated dread that accompanied what came next.

Because fear and pain are trivial emotions, things you can experience on Earth. There are some things that surpass anything you've ever imagined to be pain, any horror you ever thought to be a nightmare and have the ability to extinguish any hope you ever once had for survival.

And unfortunately, that very thing, only took a half a second to realize all of Buffy's worst fears and drag it from her. Because the sight before her when the light flooded back into her mind was unlike anything she had ever faced.

The entire Scooby gang stood outside the doors, shock and fear lacing their worst fears as Buffy's hoarse and desperate screams echoed off the cavernous walls of the room beyond the Devil's gates. No sound had came back from there since Sam had left them for whatever lay beyond and even before that no spirits had called out from the crevices. Not even the vibrations of demons clawing at a way out had ever echoed back to them.

But now, in the silence of the night, Buffy could be heard above everything. Her screams reaching a fever pitch over and over before being strangled off into a moment of silence that stretched on and on.

Willow's hands shook within Tara's and Xander grip on Anya tightened as the screams tore out of the seams of Hell over and over. Fear carved out a new memory for their thoughts, yet each one knew beyond any hope that whatever was making those noises was Buffy herself and not a trick of the mind.

When silence finally rested over the world once and for all the sounds of each of their beating hearts could be heard over even the sounds of the night.

And for the first time since Jenny had been lowered into the ground all those years ago, Giles felt the sting of tears in his eyes, burning for a chance to be free.


	12. Chapter 12

Sam knew the second Buffy reached this side of the door; it was the exact moment all his fears were finally realized. Her screams penetrated his mind, scrambling all reason and removing any hopes he'd held of her being trapped on the outskirts of this private Hell he had assembled for himself. Demon spirits continued to beat at his bruised and bloodied body, had never ceased since he first set foot through the Devil's Gates. But his body remained unpossessed, kept safe by a simple protection symbol tattooed over his heart.

His pulse raced as her screams pierced the distance between them and died out suddenly.

_Buffy! _His mind screamed, pain leaking into his senses for the first time since he'd crossed Hell's threshold. What was she doing? Didn't she know what a distraction they were to each other down here?

Without a second thought he raced backward to where he had come from. The remnants of a thousand tortured souls hitting him like a fist to the gut over and over again. His face was shielded by his arms, he couldn't see down here anyway. Flashes of light seemed to exist more in his mind than in the areas around him. He sped on towards where he had last heard her screams.

When another pierced the stale air surrounding him it was all he could do to keep himself from falling apart. She was a warrior yes, but one without a protection symbol or knowledge of what was inside a Devil's Gate. Living on a Hellmouth brought the things most people only had nightmares about, but below that was another level of torture he had lost his brother to. The real Hell no one dares talk about and the doors to which only a fool would open. Or a girl so in despair over the loss of her sister she'd tear down any door to get to her.

Buffy had dealt with things he'd only ever imagined to be real, but Hell was his own personal playground of late and he'd be damned if it swallowed whole the only thing that ever had a chance of saving him.

His legs burned against the warm air and his tongue grew to feel like sandpaper against the roof of his mouth but he sped on, giving up any ground he had fought for in his pursuit for Dean. She needed him. He'd give up tonight and every night after it to save her. And somehow he felt that the demons below could sense it because they repeated their efforts to possess him, body and soul. They pounded against his already beaten flesh, trying to slow his gain backwards up what could only be half eaten away steps made of sharp stones. He'd never felt anything like it, he stumbled once and the result had cut his hands and arms, searing pain working its way into his after thoughts. Yet he moved on with a blinding reassurance.

He couldn't think of losing her, not now, not ever.

When light once more burst behind his eyes, filling everything around him, he saw what could only be Buffy being dragged to and fro with a violence that would've snapped the neck of any normal girl. Her body was tossed like a ragdoll against the far side of a cavernous opening leading up to the iron doors. The cracking sound she made on impact was matched by Sam's heart bursting against his ribs.

Her body slid down to the ground and several soft shadows pinned her arms to the dirt and bloodied floor as another shifted into a form resembling a human as it hovered above her.

Sam's legs had never stopped working, he threw himself into the fray, guarding her body with every inch of his own, daring the souls to come closer.

"Sam?" She croaked, a swift deafness replacing her question.

"Shh, don't move, I'm gonna get you out of here."

His hands roved over her body and met with more blood than he could account for. Cuts and bruises must've painted her limbs but one deep gash across her upper chest was all that visible. The blood made him sick. _Had it all come from her?_

"Sam, I'm okay." She eased up on the backs of her elbows from under him, pushing at his weight on top of her, but he refused to let her up.

"But- you were screaming…you were hurt-"

"It wasn't me." She said softly. Sam leaned down over her more taking the brunt of the hits onto his back. His gaze was rapt on hers in the still searing light filling up the walls around them. She gentled her face and raised a soft hand to his cheek. "The screams weren't me Sam." She insisted.

He blinked back confusion. She was safe. Buffy was safe. _For now, _a voice inside him taunted.

Buffy wedged herself out from under him and this time he allowed it. In an instant the souls who swarmed the caverns around them shot back down into the pit as if pulled back by some unseen force. Buffy stood with help from Sam and they swayed there together for a moment, hands clinging together in the dense white light.

"What just happened?" She said startled at the sudden retreat of the enemy when they were clearly the ones winning.

Sam tried not to let his expression seem too defeated. This wasn't a good sign. Only one thing had control over the souls below and if it knew they were here, their survival was only a counting game to their last seconds.

Without letting her out of his solid grip he gave her the choice. "We don't have much time. Can you do this?" he asked, a thread of anxiety creeping into his voice. A part of him wished she'd say no, go back into the night with her friends and live to see another day. But another part of him knew he'd not last long without her. They needed each other and there was really only one way for them to survive this night with no regrets, and that was going forward, together. "Are you with me?"

"Always." She whispered tears forming in her gaze as she gave him a half smile.

His heart grew with each tweak of her lips and he ached to hold her one last time. But wishing for such a thing right now was foolish. He couldn't have it, because not a second later sounds echoed up from below and a darkness slowly fingered forward towards them over the rocks.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean's mind was shadowed in doubt. _Nothing is real. Nothing is right. _

The constant sounds bombarded his ears. Strangled cries of those who came after him and constantly warned him he was always next. His limbs left ache behind ages ago. How many years had it been since he'd seen his brother's face? 10? 100? It might as well have been a hundred. He felt on verge of losing his mind after the first night down below, but this place his mind now inhabited was close to reawakening. Only he wasn't sure he wanted to know what would resurface in his wake if he let himself give up now.

He moved his head to the side, pressing into the wall next to where he'd spent these last few years. His home. His reprieve from the torture and pain. Him and this wall. He closed his eyes and relished the feel of the cool cement.

Scuffling and shouting sounded from afar but Dean didn't pay any attention to it. Noise was a welcome friend to him now. His black heart had slid past a place of sympathy for anyone else he heard living and dying beneath Alistair's knife each and every night. Now it nestled in with the small comfort he took from the demon's touch, even if by torture, and made a small home in his gut that despite everything, he wasn't really alone.

They screamed as he screamed. They suffered as he suffered. He never saw them, never even knew them, but every night he heard them. The other's here with him. Just like him. _Just like me._

The sounds had become his family. The cries of one man; his brother. Another's; his father. They knew what it was to be him. No one else would ever understand. This was his new life, his new existence. He was no longer Dean Winchester. He was Dean the Deathless, forever coated in his own grief and yet welcoming its company. Anything to replace the dread of waiting. The dread lashed at his insides. Coiling and uncoiling in anticipation of being touched by another's flesh again, if only briefly before the knife. He liked to close his eyes and dream of it being his brother's touch. Again and again he did so.

_Sammie. _He'd breathed before the cold steel cut flesh from bone._ For you, anything._

This time the sound of the creaking door brought on a moment of excitement. His moment of bliss, no matter how short was here again. _So soon? Couldn't he still hear the screams from Alistair's current victim? Was that not a woman's cries? His sister's cries?_

The figure of a slight and beautiful female emerged into his hazy field of vision. _Another hallucination?_ They had been coming on more and more frequently lately. He often saw a woman that was not there, but always the same one, and this was not she, but another.

She bent over him murmuring things he couldn't comprehend with his bloodied ears. He tried to listen harder but nothing came through to him, as if she was behind a wall of glass.

Her lips moved faster and she retreated back to the door for a moment before coming back to kneel in front of him again.

_Dean? Was that what she'd said? _He tried not to squint under her shocked eyes. Her hands moved back and forth recklessly as if she tried to touch him but dared not.

Instantly she shook her head as if in confusion, raced to the door but at the last minute threw herself against the wall beside it shaking with what could only be fear or rage. Her fist threw itself through the cement wall again and again and Dean could only stare back at the destruction she created with wide eyes.

_What was happening? Where was Alistair? Where was his touch he needed? Where was the calm before the storm?_ _My Sammie, anything for you._

Dean's eyes slid closed in wanting. He was sick, fucked up, beyond repair. He knew it was wrong to crave his fantasy each and every night but he had ceased caring after the 400th time he'd been flayed alive. What was skin and bone compared to that feeling? Emotion tore him from the inside out while Alistair's tools came to meet his dread half way time and again. The demon's tools sinking into Dean's veins and cutting who he was away and carving out a new man.

Hold onto that, you will have it again soon. My touch, my one brief touch he allows me as he places a hand over my heart and laughs as it beats faster and faster, marrying with my dread.

Eyes sliding closed around the warmth of the fingers, callused from a millennium or more of torture and breaking bones. Sammie's hand? _It's Sammie._

"It's not." A voice had crept over him, "It never is."

_Sammie. It _is_ you._

"Are you ready to surrender Dean? Are you ready to say it?"

_For you, anything. _The blood pooled at his lips and fell over his chin as he mouthed the words into the night. His cell, a cage made for his eternity alone with this feeling.

"Say it Dean. Surrender to me and it will all stop."

Dean cackled, choking on his own blood and retching it up onto his shirt in agony, elation dancing in his empty veins. Dean would always win this game they played, because the one thing that Alistair enjoyed doing the most before every session was the one thing he'd never know was unwittingly giving Dean a reason to say no.

_Touch me again. Touch my skin. _

_Sammie, are you there? Ah Sam, for you…anything._

Dean's word rose up to his torturer through the screams of those next to him in the room next door.

"Never!" He spat. A grin spreading like wildfire through his capturer's veins before the double razor edged knife came down onto his battered skin once more.

His thoughts surfaced once more to that of the blonde in front of him. _Wasn't I just in the chair? Hadn't this happened yesterday? Yes, _his mind reeled_, and it will happen tomorrow too._

He played around with his favorite word, trying it on the crazed girl pounding the wall as if something of importance existed inside of it.

"Never."

* * *

Buffy reeled backwards at the sound. He had spoken! Had he spoke? She flung herself back at the bloodied mass of flesh on the floor croaking a single word over and over.

_Nee-verr. _Blood sputtered in spades from his cracked open lips and flew at her face but she merely accepted it along with the mass of blood she had acquired from all she had fought through to reach here. It had felt like hours but she knew now it couldn't have been more than one. She and Sam had laid siege upon anything and everything that came at them, a power unlike any she'd ever known calling up from within her. The further she drew into the depths of Hell the more her demon side called to her.

She knew Sam felt it too. They both had something inside them that cried out from below and she raced onward through the onslaught of demons, wraiths, and spirits assailing their bodies.

When they had reached the bottom of the pit they both realized the labyrinth they had stumbled into was beyond comprehension.

"_We have to split up Sam. We've been down here too long unnoticed, every turn could be our last. This chasing our shadows in circles has to end."_

The look on his face as he'd said _"I know…" _had nearly undone her. Their eyes met briefly for one last second. _I'd give anything to take back this night for us, _she'd thought. But as he slipped away into the maze she knew it somehow would be the last time she'd see him.

She forged forward, one thought on her mind.

_Find Dawn. Find Dawnie._

Instead she had found Dean. She had nearly felled over her own feet when she'd spotted him. Even covered in blood and bruises as he was, his face swollen and lacerated from cheeks to lips, she _knew_.

She's stolen Sam's only photo of Dean and himself to gaze at many times, always slipping it back into his wallet, alongside his stolen identity cards and minimal cash he kept on hand.

The recognition was instant but the joy at finding her soul mates brother had dimmed considerably when she realized he was not but an apparition. Her hands had sifted through him time and again as she desperately clawed for him. He had been out of it; her screams for him to answer her, for him to understand her, had fallen on deaf ears.

She knew now what real terror was. Her mind had reeled at the possibility of having to leave him behind. Could she do that? Before she had seen him, yes, she thought she could've. But now…

_Oh god, his face. _She wanted to scream, wanted to cry, wanted to throw herself on his mercy and beg him to let her find her sister._ Dawnie! Where are you?_

Her fist found the wall beside the door again and again, pain resonating up her arm in a fury unlike anything she'd ever felt. She couldn't do it. She couldn't leave Dean here to another day of this torment.

Yet she couldn't touch him, couldn't bring him to safety. There was only one option, only one way out. _The orb._ The orb Willow and Tara had crafted for capturing Dawnie's soul. Her sister's only hope of fleeing this place with her tonight.

As Dean struggled to speak again and again before her she crouched down onto the cement floor beside him. Her gaze remained on his face as she took the orb of Thesulah out of her pocket and moved it to touch Dean's flickering spirit. She held his eyes with her own and willed him to understand what she was doing, yet even as his soul evaporated into the orb, nestled away, safe for now, she knew he had never really quite understood what she was trying to do. Because even though the blood had not stopped pooling in his mouth and slurring his muffled speech she was pretty sure the word he'd been uttering to her on repeat had been, _never._


	14. Chapter 14

Light played over the horizon and Buffy sat upon a tombstone and watched it wither away from sight. It'd been over a month since she had escaped Hell with Dean's soul trapped within the Orb of Thesulah, yet it seemed like a lifetime.

Her heart had been rent in two the moment she staggered from the Devil's Gates. Sam had been nowhere in sight, just as she'd imagined he wouldn't be. Her gaze had locked onto the doors and refused to budge even as Willow and Xander had tossed themselves into her arms crying with relief.

A part of her had refused to listen to this version of reality. Had wanted to dive back into Hell and rip open every door until she found Sam and Dawn. Tears evaded her now just as they did then.

_They are gone. _She closed her eyes when darkness came over the graveyard and pictured the last time she was here. Sam's hands moving over her skin, taking away the pain. Now he was the cause of it. And she was no closer to finding Dawn. Willow had dispatched herself back into the fight, again consuming herself with the need to find them both, but every night that passed the shadows beneath her gaze grew and grew. Buffy knew now with a simple glance at the dinner table Willow had not found any new leads.

The question of Dean's soul, safely trapped within the orb, had been put on the backburner until last night.

"_Buffy I think we need to entertain the possibility that they aren't coming back." Giles had said._

"_She's still out there Giles, I can feel it. You may think it's easier to give up, but when has anything we've ever done been easy?" It was a rhetorical question and silence followed it for a good fifteen minutes before he took another stance._

"_Willow how are we coming on the spell to put Dean's soul back in his body?"_

_Willow's eyes had brightened at the inquiry, a part of her always yearning for Giles' acceptance with her magic's. "I hadn't given it too much time to be honest, but I can shift my priorities for a night or two."_

_Giles had nodded solemnly. "I think that would be helpful, maybe he has information useful to us."_

Buffy had tried not to succumb to his approving tone. There was a time when she thought Giles had every right answer and looked to him to save them all when all else failed, when her fists stopped working or vengeance itself wasn't enough. But that was then.

She knew tonight was the night they planned on awakening Dean in his grave, but first they needed to find it. Sam had been tight lipped about his brother, just as she had been about Dawn. It was a survival mechanism; don't let anyone know your weakness and you live longer. Now both of Buffy's weaknesses had been ripped forth from her, her heart dead within her breast.

Her cell phone buzzed inside her jacket and she ignored it. Had they found Dean's grave site? _Did it matter? _What would it be like to look on his face, the face Sam had looked at for so many years?

A rustling sound came from the woods behind her and she turned in its direction. Vampire?_ Hope so. I could use something to hit. _But the rustling ceased as soon as it began and the sound never returned._ Guess not._

Buffy closed her eyes again, imagining Sam next to her-_Buzz. Buzz. _

_What now? _Her mind reeled, snatching the phone from her pocket. "Yes?"

"Buffy?" A gruff voice asked from the other line.

She froze at the unfamiliar sound. "Who is this?"

"You won't know me, but I have a feeling you are about to."

She paused with him, confused as to how this stranger had anything to do with her.

"My name's Bobby Singer, and I'm a friend of Sam Winchester." _Need him back with me._

"Yes?" She croaked, not caring how she sounded to this stranger.

"Well I'm not sure how to put this since you could be all kinds of evil and bat-shit crazy to boot but if you know anything of use I'll take what I can get at this point. He's been out cold and in a raging fever for weeks; only thing he's said is your name. And it's been on repeat, so I'm guessing good or bad, you might have some answers for me."

_Alive. Sam's alive._

Mouth agape Buffy tried to put the pieces together. "How-how did this happen?"

"That's what I'm asking you." He said rudely, but she ignored his tone.

"We were in Hell together, I lost him in the labyrinth. I-I thought he was dead." _And I had known that I would lose him but I left him anyway. _

"You were in Hell? With Sam? Excuse me if this seems a bit farfetched. I haven't heard from the boy in months and then he rings my bell one day as if coming for a spot of tea. Didn't get a word out before he collapsed in the doorway, been muttering your name ever since."

"How did you find me?"

"Found a photo of you in his jeans pocket." _Dawnie's picture of us by the sea. He'd taken that? _She had caught him staring at it from time to time, never thought he'd go so far as to keepsake it. _He must've known there was a chance he'd never see me again._

"Wasn't too hard to locate you from there. A name and a photo are a sure shot at finding someone."

"But he's alive." Buffy said. "He's alive and with you. Where are you?" She blurted.

A sigh came from the other end of the line and a brief pause before he spoke again. "I am sure I'll regret this one way or another but…Singer Salvage Yard. Look it up, you'll find me there, but don't think it won't be with a shotgun at the ready." _Click._ Buffy stared at the phone. Had that just happened?

A slice of hope tore itself from somewhere deep inside her and she fumbled with the buttons on her phone in anticipation. _Sam was alive! One down, two to go…_

"Buffy?" Willow chided on the other end of the line. "We found Dean's grave, I've been calling you for an hour. Get home now, we need to leave."

"I'll do you one better Will, you wouldn't believe the call I just got. I'll be home in five, be ready to get on the road."

"No time for that, we'll be using a portal, rides rough and gives the user a massive headache-a-thon but there's zero choices left, the window for this spell is closing."

Buffy's legs pounded against the pavement as her mind ticked away the seconds.

Four minutes to go.

_He'll have his brother back._

Three minutes to go.

_I'll have _him_ back._

Two minutes to go.

_Two down, one to go…_

One minute to go.

_Dawnie, I'm coming._


	15. Chapter 15

Buffy's body sluiced through the portal and the feeling of vertigo hit her upon landing, which unfortunately was in an unappealing pile on the grass beside a moaning Xander. She launched to her feet and her eyes widened.

There was _nothing_ here.

"No, no, no, no, NO!" Buffy spat. "Willow this is wrong, this is a forest of dead trees, not a cemetery!"

Willow stood brushing off her skirts and lent a hand for Tara helping her out of the dried grass. "This is the spot. I swear it, he must be here somewhere."

Buffy began circling the area and expanding outward and ushered the rest to do the same. Anya rolled her eyes at the gesture yet moved off into the trees with Xander and Giles.

"Found it!" Willow cried a few moments later. Buffy appeared beside her out of breath, her eyes wide as saucers. The grave was between two trees and amidst a slew of weeds and knee high grass. The only marker was hand fashioned wooden sticks set into a cross and nailed together. _This_ is where Sam buried his beloved brother?

Willow had begun to set up the circle, moving at a rapid fire pace as Anya, Xander and Giles trailed behind to join them. They said nothing. Willow had done this before. Only this time she would be prepared. Giles tossed Buffy a shovel and smiled uneasily at their ordeal ahead.

She didn't waste a second. Once they hit the wooden box Buffy knelt down with shaking hands and moved the dirt from atop of it. How many times had she done this? Stood above a body about to rise only to put it back into the earth. Yet this time was different. Nothing could prepare her for the feeling she had now. Step one in getting her life back. She moved off the box and stood behind Willow.

"Showtime." Willow said. Her gaze lingered on Tara's face and a look passed between them. Buffy envied that look, wished she herself had the chance to bestow it again on the one person who knew all she was thinking. _I'm coming Sam, I'm bringing him back to you. _

* * *

The intensity in Sam's mind rocketed up a notch. He couldn't breathe. It was as if the air around him thickened. Time had thrown him down here. How long was it since he'd left Buffy behind? Her eyes straining for one last glimpse of him before he raced off in the opposite direction. It could've been minutes, mere minutes. Did it feel like minutes? Maybe it was weeks.

He wiped the sweat from his brow and charged on. Room after room, victim after victim stung his resolve to keep going. _Stop and save them you idiot, how can you not? _Something inside him urged. _Because Dean is down here. Find Dean. Get Buffy. Go home._

He ached to sit and the weight of his boots suddenly felt as if he had stepped into cement. When had that happened? _Probably the moment you allowed her out of your sight. _Everything inside him had screamed that splitting up was wrong, yet he had allowed his reason to drown out his emotions.

What they did was a gamble. _One that might cost me all my cards. _

His head throbbed again as he stumbled into another room. Another prisoners eyes fixed vacant on his. He tore himself away faster this time, his heart threatening to rip a hole in his chest. Get Dean, get back to _her._

He never even saw the girl behind him, the screams bouncing unheard repeatedly off the dimension separating him from his other goal. _Dawn. _He moved on and on, intent on one thing, never letting it from the recesses of his brain. And he missed every warning sign a hunter should've seen as he swung his body into the next room and collided with a solid mass. Stumbling backward in confusion, adrenaline leaking into his veins he adjusted his gaze upward.

His eyes widened at the sight, one he was sure he'd never forget if he even lived forever. _One more fight Sam. One more door. Then she'll be in yours arms again._

Without hesitation Sam slipped into the mass before him.

Darkness took him a moment later.

* * *

Dawn screeched until her tinny voice thrown back at her again and again made her want to pull out all her hair. Her mind was on fire. She'd seen Buffy. _Buffy._ The name on her tongue had felt foreign but her mind still clung to it. She had forgotten long ago her own name. Forgot how she arrived her, forgot where here even was. But despite it all she knew without a doubt that Buffy would be coming for her. _And bring me where? _What was home anyway? _Get it together._ Buffy was out there. _Buffy…_

Her first sight of Buffy had made her mind reel. It was as if looking into a mirror, for she had long ago forgotten what she looked like or who she was, all that was left of her battered mind was the image of this one blonde girl she held in her heart and refused to let go. But seeing her now fight through a field of demons with a deadly intent, she knew somehow that this was Buffy, her salvation from this ever constant hell. Following numbly was all she could do. Screaming her name over and over. The girl never heard her. No one ever did.

She'd followed her from hall to hall, room to room, trying to find a way to reach her, unable to let her go. Yet she hadn't had a choice when she'd finally slipped through the iron doors above and disappeared.

Dawn turned from the doors aghast. Buffy was..._gone_. Her hope, if she ever had any left, had vanished with her. She looked down at her hands but knew they were not real. Where was she? She looked around at the formulating spirits and watched as they began to do a violent dance in the darkness. _Pretty. _Why did she not have a shadow as they did? She envied them for that.

Bellows from below shook her trance and she followed them as many others did, pressing towards the tortured and hopelessness in the depths below.

The crowds dissipated quickly when the source of the sound could not be found and Dawn was left alone again. _Where am I? _Buffy, where are you? _Who is Buffy?_

Suddenly a shadowed passed through her and emerged on the other side intact._ What the-? _Dawn started at the figure as it passed out of her sight around the corner. She followed it immediately, a sense of confusion hanging around the man who had shape and form in this Hell made of non-corporal forms and beasts without names.

The stranger took corner after corner, rushing faster and faster past each room, looking for all the world like he'd rather curl up in one and give up than continue on.

"No-no." He muttered to himself, the actual sounds dissolving before they reached the invisible wall that separated her from this mystery world. She spun around him in circles, trying to figure out why he seemed familiar. _Buffy. _He was with Buffy? _Wait, who was Buffy? _Her mind blanched, grasping for the memory at the edge of her sanity. This man had been with Buffy. She'd seen them. But when had she seen them? She turned again to stare at his mouth. It still moved of its own accord but this time she couldn't make out what he said.

Dawn briefly wondered if this man knew that Buffy had left them both behind. _It's just you and me now._

He slammed into another door and Dawn wafted through him at his sudden halt in the entryway. Her mind didn't register her surroundings as they moved past comprehension and any light that had been left in her mind turned to a sudden darkness that enveloped every last shred of sanity from her clutches.


	16. Chapter 16

**1 Month Later**

Dean tried not to stare. _It's your brothers girl you idiot. Hands off, _eyes_ off._ Buffy turned then, a slayers instinct no doubt alerting her she was being watched. She pushed the book she had been studying away from the table but made no move to get up. His heart thundered at her gaze rapt on him. Yet somehow he knew she was thinking of Sam. He got the sense that more often than not she searched for similarities in them and almost seemed disappointed to come up with none. He wasn't sure he'd ever been truly envious of Sam before, nor did he feel he had the right to be now. But stopping himself from thinking about Buffy was proving more and more difficult lately.

Ever since she'd pried open the wooden hinges of his coffin above him, tears shining in her eyes. He wished he could remember more of what had happened. Yet at other times he wasn't so sure he wanted to know.

Buffy's friends had all but smothered the crap out of him in an attempt to deem information about Hell. The only two he'd been partial to discussing things with had been the red-headed witch and her stuttering friend, who Dean was positive played for the other team with the way she stared at the witch. He wasn't so sure about the red head yet, but how to bring up a subject like that? Broaching subjects of heterosexuality with witches? Nope, not on par with his social skill set.

Not that it mattered. He spent most of his time trying to leave. Waking up with a golden haired goddess above you in the same ground that housed your corpse for over a month was a bit of a shell shock. And unfortunately for him, Bobby had agreed that him getting a few weeks of downtime before the next round of punch-the-demon-save-the-world was a must.

"_Dean, you _died_. For Christ's sake son, get some rest, Sam ain't goin' nowhere. He's been taking a diluted fever nap ever since he sprung up on my doorstep and the last thing I need is two Winchesters down for the count. Get yourself right in the head and then we can talk getting Sam back on board."_

_Rest._ Dean couldn't even conceive of the meaning. Sammie was practically comatose and here he was, lounging about with a team of hunters from the west coast who played off the hilarity of their situation like it was all some big joke. He felt more and more disgust and unease around all of them except Buffy.

She'd been like a beacon of hope and strength when he had wanted to give in to exhaustion. And she seemed to genuinely care for his brother. Only from the whispers of what others had said, it was more than mere affection she'd felt for him. Although she'd never actually said so to him.

Buffy stood then and crossed to where he sat in the living room. She sat quietly on the couch and he tried not to shrink backwards from her presence. He didn't want her to follow his train of thought one way or the other. Forced indifference was his best bet. Even if she did smell like sunflowers.

"How are you?" She prodded.

"Existing." He recanted, and then softened his tone at the look of worry in her eyes. "Ready to get the hell out of dodge to be honest."

"Believe it or not, we are trying to figure out a way to save Sam. It might look like a lot of reading, but we have this part down pat. Trust me…there's nothing I want more than to have Sam _back with us_." Her voice went hoarse on the last words. Dean tried not to notice. She definitely cared for Sam. It was obvious. _So stop staring at her like that, she's going to notice._

She frowned then and his chest stirred at the expression. _Stop it you fool, she will never be yours._

"Buffy!" A male voice called from the dining area and both their eyes shot to the source. "I think I found something. Get Will." Dean dashed across the hall behind her, his eyes fixed on the books sprinkling their work area. By the time Willow joined the gang below everyone was about to jump out of their skin as she scanned the pages Xander had pointed out.

She looked up but didn't say anything, merely handed the book to Giles who in turn took his time reading it. He took off his glasses in what seemed like a nervous gesture and set to cleaning them with a rag from his pocket.

"Well?" Buffy prodded and Dean felt like he could kiss her for her impatience. Let her be the pushy one.

"Well…it looks like he may have gone through a Vexerion portal." Giles said solemnly.

"A simple one-two spell will tell us if that's even what happened." Willow jumped in with.

Buffy turned her head to Giles as if suspicious. "Why are you talking like this is a worst case scenario, what is a Vexerion Portal?"

"It's thought to be a myth actually. A way in and out of the Hellmouth…a door only Satan himself has access to. No one's really heard of it being used before. The rumors of its existence date back to the dark ages, back when the battle for mankind was on a more global scale. They'd say that Satan himself would appear from battlefield to battlefield with the blink of an eye. It was said that he possessed a door that allowed only him to enter and take him where he wished. No actual evidence has ever surfaced of it."

Buffy hedged closer to Willow. "How long until we know for sure if this portal even exists?"

"An hour, two tops. The time is going to be getting there. The spell is a cake walk."

Buffy nodded solemnly. "Well I'm coming with. The rest of you take a breather. If you have any more information about Dawn, I'll have my cell on me." She raced up the stairs two at a time and Dean tried not follow her movement all the way to the top.

Willow gave him a wan smile that did anything but reassure and Tara followed her out of the dining area. Dean paced before the front door for the girls to do a pronto packing job and bristled when Willow returned first with an awkward Tara in tow. He tried not to let his inward sigh show. That girl must be attached at the hip to her witchy friend.

At least he'd learned their names by now, but driving hours on end with them in the backseat doing god knows what kind of voodoo didn't sit well with him. When was the last time a girl had even been in the Impala? Well except for the occasional fling or ghostly succubus. He tried not to grin at the thought. He was becoming severely outnumbered lately. This was just one more thing that might send him over the edge.

Six hours later Dean welcomed the sight of Bobby's cluttered abode and sunk into a chair beside Sam's bed. His brother's status hadn't changed Bobby had said. He lay nearly motionless, an unintelligible mutter on his lips now and then. Bobby hadn't been able to make out anything but Buffy's name here or there, the rest was just gibberish. Dean had scowled at that. Since when did Sam care for a girl enough to reach out for her over him? Jealousy threatened to turn his mood sour, although he wasn't sure who he was more jealous of at this point. Sam or Buffy.

He sat back in his chair and nursed a drink. Willow had long ago determined that Sam had indeed been sent through a Vexerion portal and everyone had been in a state of confusion ever since. No word on how it had happened, since according to legend only Lucifer himself could use it, and even less word on how to wake Sam from his stupor.

Buffy appeared in the doorway then, an unreadable look on her face. He frowned, would he ever be able to decipher this girl?

"Still no word I take it?" He said, a note of sadness creeping into his voice.

She merely shook her head.

"I'm sorry." He started. "I know you were hoping this was something else."

She raised her eyebrows at his apology. "You know how many times I've thought about giving up Dean?"

He started at her question, but remained silent.

"Before this, my sister was taken. Possessed. It was you who killed her." Her voice staggered a bit but she continued on, her gaze never leaving him. "I'd thought she was lost for so long. Wanted nothing more than to follow her into the ground."

A chill swept through his veins at her words. He'd killed her sister? How many sisters had he killed in his lifetime? How many innocent people, trapped behind the black stares of their possessors?

"But I've been there. I've had my rest in this world. And when it was ripped from me, all I could think was that there will never be a place on this Earth for me like there used to be. I've seen everything now. Seen the peace my way of life can offer at the end. Seen the devastation below a lifetime of the wrong choices can lead you to. And somehow, nothing is worse than the existence we are forced to live in the middle of it all. Even after all this time, even after every lie I told them all so they'd stop worrying about me…" Her voice trailed off but he couldn't speak even if he'd wanted to.

"I know why we fight Dean. Why we reach for those extra minutes at the end of our lives. But what do you reach for when you know your end? Who do you cling to when all you've left is a shell of what you used to be?" She gazed back at Sam and panic and pain rose from Dean's chest at the site.

She _did_ love Sam.

This small blonde wonder, so perfect, yet so flawed in every way. Somehow fate had brought her to their lives and he wasn't sure if he should be thanking the heavens for her, or cursing the Earth below.

"A world without Dawn, was a world without light in it. She was the last piece of me capable of compassion. Or so I thought." Her words soaked into his soul, drowning out any possibility of her ever belonging to him. How could he have been so foolish to even think that was possible? This girl would never belong to anyone.

She was an enigma. She'd been to Heaven and back, seen Hell and walked away from it. Dean had only known torture. No hope for escape had ever been within his power to give himself.

"Maybe the others think we can somehow have Dawn back, but all I ever wanted for her is the peace of mind I once felt. Her body is gone, I've always known that. So when I speak of saving her, it's not to keep her with me. It's to let her go. Until your brother came along, my hope was my only power. He helped me see the world more clearly, face the truth of things I'd forsaken for my own selfish reasons. Without him, I am only as good as the person I was before I met him. And that version of Buffy would've never lasted this long on hope alone."

She turned from the doorway but didn't leave. Dean couldn't move either. Her words penetrating through his entire being.

"I'd give anything to get my hope back, but I'd _do_ anything to get my life back. Just remember that before you go doing something as foolish as offering yourself up again for him. I didn't save you out of the goodness of my heart."

She left then, taking a shred of his sanity with him. Dean stared at the empty space where she had been and tried to conjure up the first images he'd had of her. Yet somehow he couldn't. That goddess who had been his savior was gone. Replaced by a version of her he'd never seen. The one she obviously kept well hidden from her friends.

She'd only saved Dean for Sam's sake. If he had been anyone else she would've left him in the pit below. Alastair could be carving his flesh right now, offering up that hideous touch he found himself craving even now in the dark recess of his mind. He stifled a shudder.

Buffy was like a terrible force, something set on this earth in a pretty package that tempted him in ways he'd rather not think of, yet beckoned him in for a round of torment even Hell below couldn't have dealt him.

And still, a part of him yearned for her. To bury himself and all his scars inside her perfect flesh. Yet it would never happen. She'd said as much to him. His life was merely a gift for Sam. He smiled wryly down at his sleeping brother. Oh Sammie, what have you gotten yourself into?


	17. Chapter 17

"Do it." Buffy grit out passed her clamped teeth.

Willow fidgeted under the aggression in her best friends tone but held her ground. "Buffy, no."

Buffy tampered down her rage yet again and masked her emotions with everything inside her. She cast a scant glance down at Sam and her heart rent in two. _Protect him. Help him. _How can I? I can't bring him back to me without Willow.

It'd been another two weeks of fretting and over staying their welcome at Bobby's house before Willow had deemed a solution to Sam's case. But it had been something she'd refused to discuss with anyone but Buffy. Dean still knew nothing of Willow and Tara's discovery, and he would stay in the dark about it if Buffy had anything to say about it.

What they'd found had threatened Buffy's sanity yet again. If Willow was right, there was a dark entity inside Sam keeping him under, keeping him nearly catatonic. Buffy ground her teeth down even more. She'd be damned if she let two demons take away the only people she ever truly let have a piece of herself.

"Do it Will, cast it out. I don't care what it is, I'll fight it, give me something to fight." She whispered, yet harshness reached her voice in the night. Willow paced back towards the door and turned again on her heel wringing her hands.

"Buffy, we don't what's inside him or what I'd be releasing. That portal only works for Lucifer himself, worst case scenario we let the devil lose on the world!"

"No Will, worst case scenario is leaving it inside him!"

Willow sighed and tried to get her emotions under control. "Buffy-"

"-No, no more excuses. You are either with me on this one or against me. I don't care what comes out of him, I don't care who. I've died, _twice, _in the service of a better world. I've killed friends, time and again to save this wretched planet, and I've lost so many more. I've been to Heaven and had it ripped away from me. I've waged through Hell and came back empty handed. I've consigned to losing Dawn time and again. I _can't_ lose him too. I need him Will. I n_eed him_." Her voice broke but she didn't allow the tears that threatened to fall.

"What if it was Tara?" She asked lightly, trying another tactic. Willow stiffened under the weight of the words, clearly distraught at the thought. "What would you do to get her back?" Willows shoulders slumped forward in defeat.

_Anything_, her heart screamed.

They stood that way for a moment letting the reality of the situation seep in.

"Okay." Willow exhaled. "But we should tell Dean, or Bobby, they can help."

"No, not Dean. And not Bobby." Buffy tried not to think of Bobby, he'd been a brusque liquored up version of Giles and she had found herself softening towards him more and more over these past two weeks. But this was something they couldn't know about, something she'd have to figure out on her own.

"Willow please, this is me. When have you ever not trusted me to handle something on my own?"

Willow tried not to look too guilty at the accusation. She had been wavering in her resolve to trust Buffy above all others lately, confiding in Tara her suspicions that since Dawn had been killed Buffy was altered somehow. Tara had seen things too, but also noticed the changes in Buffy since Sam had entered their lives. Tara always saw so much. If she believed in Buffy, who was Willow to not trust her instincts in this? Willow had seen Tara's intuition prove true time and again where her own had faltered.

"Alright, I just need a moment to get a few supplies from my room." Willow slipped out of Sam's room and Buffy turned to him in the dark, straining to make out every feature.

After what seemed like a lifetime of moments passing her by she sensed another presence fill the room and knew immediately it was Dean.

"Don't you think I should've been told about this?" He said, a hard note creeping into his tone.

Buffy steeled herself against him. Why did his proximity cause her heart to flutter that way? _Wrong. It's wrong. _So why do I crave the sensation? She frowned and he matched her expression. They froze that way for a moment, living within the depths of each other gaze.

Buffy tried not to think about what she'd be forced to do if he stopped her. _Anything. _Her heart screamed. She looked back to where Sam lay and her breath quit her. He was everything. Her ground, her center, her savior. There was nothing she'd do now to have him back. Screw the consequences. She deserved this man in her life.

Dean came to stand over her then and she grit her teeth. Her skin thrummed when he inched over her, their skin so close to touching.

Don't feel anything, she screeched to herself.

_Yet you do,_ another part of her yelled. The demon in her threatening to betray her own heart. She swallowed against the onslaught of tension and forced her shoulders back down into a relaxed position as she looked up at his face.

Dean's eyes were only for his brother though. "I wouldn't have stopped you." He said into the night quietly, as if to himself.

"That wasn't why I didn't tell you."

"Why then?" _To protect you. _

"For him."_ For me. _

He nodded and in an odd way they seemed to understand each other on another level. The love they each held for a younger sibling, the desperation to make the world a better place for them and if they weren't in it in the first place, how everything and anything wouldn't be worth the sacrifice.

Buffy felt a small part of her cling to Dean then and she almost reached out a hand to have it back. She blinked back the feeling.

Did this broken soul of a man really have such an effect on her? _You know he does._

Yet it was wrong, it felt so very, very wrong. She hated that she craved it. Like somehow he was that missing spark her flickering soul was missing to reawaken completely. She shook her head then and his frown deepened at the gesture. His lips parted as if to ask a question and Buffy's eyes shot to the small motion. _His lips…_

"Do it then." He whispered gruffly. "And when you do, whatever comes out of this, we will fight together."

Willow joined them then and Buffy's heart rejoiced in the site of her best friend, as much for the reprieve from Dean's overwhelming presence for the fact that she'd soon have back her other half. Guilt tried to claw its way into her mind but she banished it as soon as it entered.

_Only one brother has my heart._ All of her flooded with the knowledge and she accepted it gladly. Whatever darkness Dean brought out in her she wouldn't ever have to figure out, wouldn't have to face, because before the night was out, she'd have Sam back in her arms.


	18. Chapter 18

Buffy's mind clung desperately to the moment. Sam convulsed as if he was being torn apart from the inside out. Terror flashed across Willow's face mid-spell and Buffy's heart faltered. She wanted to say something, cry out into the night, and beg for answers to the question; why was this happening?

Dean pushed his brothers flailing figure deeper down into the bed and a loud pop sounded above Willow's chanting. Buffy flinched. Sam's shoulder was unmistakably out of its socket now. It hung limp on the bed even as his chest attempted to rise up against the pressure of Dean's hands.

Dean repositioned his grip yet tried to ease off Sam's collarbone. Buffy's gut clenched at the thought of it breaking. This was not how she wanted Sam back with her. He had already grown gaunt and pale, losing several pounds of muscle over the past couple months. His new appearance didn't fit the strong warrior trapped inside this flesh.

Squeezing the thought of losing this fight for Sam out of her mind she refocused her gaze on him. His eyes rolled back into his head and Buffy lost it. A sound erupted from her that she couldn't quite place. Maybe she was crying, yet it wasn't like her to show such weakness. In front of Willow yes, but in front of Dean, that was another story. Shame flooded her yet the sounds continued to come from her. She knelt before Sam and threw her hands into the mix, caressing him as well as holding him still.

"Don't do this to me!" She screamed aloud, not caring who heard her or how she sounded. "Don't you dare do this to me!"

Sam lurched against her weight atop him and collapsed suddenly onto the bed. Silence penetrated the air around them and no one breathed. Dean eased off his brother but didn't take his hands off him. Buffy trembled in her awkward position over Sam's waist.

When the first shuddering breath came from Sam's lungs she cried out with her relief, her tears falling freely onto his chest. She wanted to smack Dean's hands away from his brother and throw herself onto him, but knew this moment was a shared victory for them.

"W-willow?" Tara whispered from the doorway. Sleep roughened her voice and increased her stutter.

Willow turned abruptly to Tara. "Baby, we had to. We had to try." Yet Tara's eyes held no accusation, only relief.

"I-is he?" She started.

Willow nodded. "I think so, I think it worked, I felt things, whatever was in there, it didn't want to let go. But it's gone now."

Buffy jerked her gaze up. "Where is it?" _What is it?_

Willow merely shook her head. "I don't know. One moment it was there, the next…" She pulled in a shaky breath and Tara put a hand on her shoulder then. "It's okay Willow, one step at a time." She assured her.

Buffy's envy grew over the comfort they sought in each other. She hated her heart for its momentary betrayal over Dean. How could she have ever been drawn to him? Why would she have even let herself admit it? Sam was her future, her everything, and when he opened his eyes she would be damned if she wasn't the first thing he saw.

She clutched at his shirt front and moved herself off him, pushing Dean from his place beside the bed. Dean's face soured but he gave up his position to her. Not that he had a choice; she would've taken it with full force if she had to.

Sam's chest rose and fell in the quiet.

_Sam, come back to me Sam._

Everyone was silent. Buffy held her breath.

_Open your eyes, Sam._

The air seemed to choke the space around her, burning her as she fought back the lump in her throat. The moment Sam's eyelids lifted was one she'd never quite forget, because what lay beyond them was a feeling she'd kill for, she'd die for. And she'd remember that feeling for as long as she lived, because it was all too soon that the chance presented itself for her to do just that.


	19. Chapter 19

Dean cast a wary glance at the small blonde his brother seemed to covet. This was all wrong. He hadn't seen Sam this caught up about a girl since...

_Ever_, a small voice echoed up at him. No he hadn't even looked at Jess that way.

Buffy seemed so fragile; the image didn't match up with their lives and what they did. Yet Sam's gaze remained riveted on her all the same and Dean tried not to outwardly sigh. He knew now a large part of him was hoping this relationship wasn't what it seemed. That Bobby had been exaggerating Buffy's feelings for Sam and the other way around. Jealousy clawed at his gut. He should be happy for his little brother, yet he found himself resenting their closeness.

He watched her intertwine her fingers with his brother's and rest her golden curls atop Sam's shoulder. Sam lifted his hand to her small face and ran a thumb across her lips. His hand engulfed her.

Dean smiled at them wryly. It was like a bear chasing a butterfly.

Poor Sam would never catch her. Not really.

Not a girl like Buffy, that so clearly carried the sun in her smile, yet had a heart so dark it bled black.

Dean had seen parts of her that thrilled him as much as terrified him. Loving her would be the easy part, he was half-way there himself. Accepting all of her would be a different story. And he was beginning to think that even she didn't know how deep that well went within herself.

A small smile touched her lips and Sam yanked lightly on Buffy's chin pulling her in for a kiss. Dean turned away from the sight. His stomach roiled. How was he going to live with this? He couldn't even stand to see his brother happy now? He'd done the impossible, found a way to save Sammie and now was back with him. It was the very thing he'd dreamed of a thousand times in Hell. The thing that kept him from putting others on the rack in return for his freedom.

He'd felt a million razors on his flesh in a million different ways yet the sight of Buffy and Sam together cut him in places he couldn't fathom, he couldn't find to heal. Because he didn't quite understand them himself.

_Move on from this, she isn't yours. _ Dean pushed his way outside into the Salvage Yard. Bobby stood out back with a beer in hand. He gave Dean a pitying glance. "They still making moon-eyes over each other in there?"

Dean's brows rose. "Seems like this is the retreat area."

"Not designating one would just be plain foolish." Bobby took a swig of his beer and eyed Dean closely. "She might be good for him you know."

Dean rolled his eyes. "She's a hunter Bobby, and she's two inches too short to make the grade if you ask me. The best of the best don't live to see retirement in our line of work, you really think that love story will get a happy ending?"

"I wouldn't count her out until I saw what she can do."

"I don't think I want to be witness to that, how she survived this long seems a miracle enough for me."

"She seems pretty sure of herself."

Dean grunted. "Cocky can get you killed. We were raised into this life, she was chosen, never wanted it according to her friends, and hasn't been in the game more than six years."

"Six is a long time to survive without a pretty well polished skill set."

Dean sighed. Maybe she was special, maybe she did have superior strength and speed, he'd yet to see it, and until he did he wasn't so sure her fragile figure didn't break like glass.

Bobby merely continued draining his beer in silence. They both knew the story well by now. Buffy and Sam had slipped through a Devil's Gate and dove head first into the Hellmouth to get him out. Yet it didn't quite stick right in his mind.

Buffy? Racing through Hell for his soul and coming out the other side without a scratch on her flawless skin?

What _was_ she? A slayer was just another word for hunter. Hunter's were human, Buffy was most definitely human. Yet according to her friends she had the strength of something else entirely. But what?

He just hoped deals, death and demons weren't involved. A reprieve was much needed, and one on his turf, not trapped in a space with Buffy brushing his arm in passing every point two seconds. He stifled a shudder at the thought. God, what was she _doing_ to him?

This new world where their gangs collided was not going to work for Dean. He didn't mind the red-head and her other half (of which there was no doubt now since he'd seen them share a kiss the other day) but heading back to Sunnydale to deal with the rest was a no-go. He wanted Sammie back with him on the road with his baby beneath him and Buffy in the rear view mirror.

The way he was drawn to her, it was almost otherworldly, and he was beginning to seriously wonder if she was a witch like her friends. She was less than forthcoming about her actual powers and now that he thought about it most of the month they spent together was _her _asking _him_ the questions.

The only thing he knew for sure was there was more to her than met the eye at first glance and he wasn't so sure he wanted to be around to figure it out.

* * *

Dawn felt warm, and it burned. She blinked and the action itself felt foreign. The heat in the air around her suddenly changed and the chill set her blood flaming. She blinked again but nothing but darkness yawned back at her. Her breathing labored and she sucked in a desperate breath. The air was suffocating, as if not enough of it existed and a very real panic ran a course through her deadened limbs.

A muffled noise sounded above her and even though no new light came to her her eyes widened at the sound.

Instantly she was thrust forward. Her hands and knees gave out from the action and pain radiated up her limbs as they hit the ground. She peered up at the night sky and relished the sight.

Rain sprinkled the wet earth around her and began to soak into her clothing. A sound echoed from behind her and she tried to place it.

"So, we finally meet in the flesh." Someone said in a lazy drawl Dawn couldn't place. She turned her head slightly and pain shot through her skull. She tried not to wince. Wincing meant to reveal weakness. Not something she was accustomed to since she lost her flesh and half her mind in another dimension.

Where was she? She tried to collect her surroundings but every other blink brought bleariness to her gaze that was ninety percent fog in the darkness of the night.

She narrowed her eyes on the figure that had spoken and tried to place him. He leaned casually against what looked a lot like a gravestone and she tried not to allow the dread in her lungs to cough its way out of her.

A small smile touched his lips, or had it? Dark hair covered most of his forehead and half hung in his eyes and he held an extremely relaxed stance, legs and arms crossed casually, shoulders slumped forward. For the entire world to see this man couldn't have been more at ease, and here she was, stuffed back into her own flesh (if it was her own at all) with a strange man who apparently could care less about helping her.

"Who…" She began, her voice sounding strange to her ears, as if she was calling to herself from a million miles away.

The man laughed but didn't move. The sound sent a chill down her spine. Why did it sound so familiar? She squinted through the blur her own eyes couldn't blink away and tried to make sense of the figure before her. She inched up onto her knees and pain pierced her midsection instantly. Gasping, she fell back forward onto her hands.

Clawing at her wet dress she lifted it quickly over her thighs and gaped at the wound in her stomach. Blood must've staunched her dark clothing but between the heat in the air and the rain she couldn't tell how much. Her breathing hitched and another trickle of blood oozed from the three inch long wound and slid down her torso mixing with the rain water on her thighs below.

Her tongue felt like sandpaper against the roof of her mouth. She _had_ been forced somehow back into her body. The same one that housed her and a demon for weeks before they both were expelled from it with one swift motion. She stared helplessly at the wound that had killed her once and was about to do so again.

Would this never end? Where was her peace Buffy had always talked about? Did she not deserve it? Was she not allowed in Heaven as her sister had once been?

She lifted her gaze to the mysterious man before her for some sort of answer. He pushed away from the stone behind him and walked slowly to hover before her. She met his gaze despite the pain in her middle.

Moving would only kill her faster, but how many more moments did she really wish to spend here anyway? There was no Buffy to hold her, no Heaven to welcome her, no Willow to save her, no Giles to figure out a way to stop this.

There was only this broken body, and a thousand lifetimes of memories jostling around in her head she would've given the world to forget right now. And there was only one place she knew of that would allow her the blissfulness of forgetting. She had gone there the last time she was torn from this body, maybe she would go there again.

She struggled to balance on her knees in the mud and grass and leaned her head back up to meet his gaze. His expression gave away nothing.

She let her dress slip between her fingers yet it clung to her breasts and refused to fall back to her thighs. She swallowed against the shame but allowed his gaze to rake over her. She'd experienced worse, yet for some reason she couldn't think of another right at this moment.

His eyes roved slowly up her chest and met her wild stare. He smiled lightly as is bemused at her predicament and it set her mind on fire with rage. She struggled to breathe as her head throbbed in the night and she started to really feel the cold of blood loss for the first time.

His features came into focus for a second and Dawn tried not to laugh at herself. Of course he'd be handsome, isn't that the way the world worked? A devastating man, with a devastating heart deserved nothing less than a devastating face to go with it. A rough start of a beard shadowed his jaw and his lips smirked gently. Lips she'd never seen the likes of before.

Ones that beckoned you to move closer all the while delighting in your death.

Her mind swan at the terrible thoughts. Her death loomed closer and she struggled for a last second against the heaviness of her eyelids. Why was she fighting? Didn't she want just this? It couldn't be because she yearned to look at him for another moment more…it couldn't be.

_No. _Her eye's slid closed.

"Yes." He replied as they opened of their own accord once more and remained fixed on his dark features.

"Yes, Dawnie," he continued, "it looks as if you might just need my help…_again._"


	20. Chapter 20

Dean threw a fist into the wall to his left. Sam flinched at the aggression, but only out of habit.

"God Sam, we have jobs to do, lives to get back to! Why are we all still sitting here playing at real life like we have normal lives? This is ridiculous. It's been long enough, I am leaving and you are coming with me." Dean grated out, his voice inches away from being heard even by the people inside.

Hell maybe Buffy had super human hearing as well.

_Let her hear me_, he thought venomously. _Let her know I hate her. Anything to disguise that I more than hate her, I'm desperate for her. _He closed his eyes against the weakness he allowed himself to feel for her, even in his own mind. His stupid body betrayed him every moment she was around. Bobby's old house was far too small for the four of them now, even if Willow and Tara had long since headed back to Sunnydale to continue the search for Dawn.

"Dean, it's not that simple. Dean, I...I _need_ her."

Dean whirled around at Sam's rough tone. "Oh come on Sam that's crap!" He accused. "_We_ don't need anyone. You hear me? Never have, never will. We have each other and we have Bobby. What we _need_ is to get back on the road! Doing what we do best. The family business."

Sam merely shook his head defeated. "You don't understand, when you were gone…she gave me a reason to keep fighting. She helped me do the one thing you told me to do. Why do you dislike her so much?"

Dean snapped his gaze up to Sam. "Why do you trust her so much?" He shot back. "You've known her a sum total of what, a week, and suddenly she's got dibs on you? If we stuck around every time we made eyes at one of the locals we'd have never left the first damned hunt we went on!"

"Dean, that's not fair and you know it. Buffy's not a local and she's not a civilian, she's special. She does what we do, she fights our fights. Why can't she fight them _with_ us? We are stronger together. _I_ am stronger with her."

Dean tried to calm down but he couldn't. His blood boiled over. Buffy had been practically glued to Sam's hip since he woke up and that was well over three weeks ago. The walls in Bobby's house had closed in on him more and more since then. It wasn't all just Buffy and he knew it, he didn't belong anywhere but on the road. He wouldn't turn domestic for anyone, even his brother.

"Last chance Sam, I'm leaving in the morning, come with me. We belong out there, saving people, hunting things, like before."

Sam sighed heavily, his face taking on a defeated look.

He'd packed on several pounds since he'd first woken up, sick out of his mind and missing huge chunks of his memory, case in point; How the hell he'd gotten out of Hell to begin with.

Dean hadn't pushed his memory to reveal itself, but he had pushed Sam's body back into shape. And from the sounds behind the very thin walls upstairs, apparently so did Buffy. _God, what am I turning into? What is she doing to me?_

He slammed back into the house leaving Sam behind with more than just a guilty conscience to contend with, but a very real decision he knew was more than a little unfair.

Buffy looked away from the window quickly as Dean entered the house. _Had she heard?_

"You want Sam to leave with you." She stated matter-of-factly. _So she had heard._

"We have a job to do." He said roughly, his eyes holding an accusation his heart didn't quite feel.

She nodded. _Does she understand?_

"I don't want to take him from you." She started. "But a part of him belongs to me now too."

"I don't doubt it." Dean said sarcastically.

* * *

Buffy studied him under her lashes. Could his heart have really turned so cold? She had made many concessions for his behavior since she'd dug him out of the cold Earth but taking Sam from her wouldn't be one of them. He could stomp around the house in his combat boots and clean his guns while shooting her hateful glances all he liked. She wouldn't give Sam up unless it was what Sam wanted, and she was one-hundred percent sure it wasn't.

Dean stared heatedly back at her, rage covering his features. She wondered what his smile would look like. Her mind looped around at the sudden thought. She doubted she'd ever see it anyway. The man didn't have a single laugh line anywhere on his face, not even a hint of one.

"When was the last time you even smiled?" She said sadly.

His expression darkened. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Buffy merely shrugged. _Walk away from him. Let him feel this coming loss alone. _

Yet she stayed rooted where she was, matching his gaze. She itched to close the gap between them somehow. Bridge their rift any way she knew how. The only problem was she wasn't sure she knew how to even start. Dean hadn't been exactly forthcoming with his intentions or feelings since she'd dragged his soul up from Hell, and she was actually a little afraid to see inside him.

It was the same way she felt about admitting her own truths to herself. It was buried for a reason, why unearth it?

"I know you don't like me." Buffy said softly.

Dean didn't deny it.

"But I can't give him up." She started. "My life has been one selfless act after another. I've given up the world for everyone in it, given up Heaven for the conscience of a friend, given up the love of my life for the safety of those I cared for, and I've given up my sister in hopes that she is somewhere I can only hope to return to someday. Maybe you can't see things clearly right now, maybe I could've helped you do so when I had the chance, but I can't just let him go without a fight. I won't make him choose, I've learned the hard way that only makes enemies. But I will let him know he is where my home is now."

Dean's face faltered for a moment. "Why are you telling me all this?"

Buffy's lips parted wordlessly. His eyes were haunted. _I need him too. _

She blinked at her own wayward thought and Dean reacted to the weakness it presented.

"I will be leaving tomorrow, with or without Sam, but if he thinks to take you with him, just know, there is no room for you in our lives." He turned on his heel then and Buffy watched his figure recede down the hall.

She wondered why her heart hurt so much. Why she felt such a strange connection to Dean. It went beyond what they knew of the world and the similar experiences they shared. It was something dark and magnetic.

She touched her lips lightly and imagined his mouth on hers. She shivered at the secret thought. Shame filled her. Sam was her soul mate; he was her life, her light and her hope. So why did she want so badly to follow Dean down that hall? To stop him and _make_ him understand she belonged in their lives now.

She shuddered at the thought.

She would never follow Dean down that hall. That hall represented so much more than just her carving a place for herself in the Winchester world; it was a path to her own destruction, and she would fight it with all she had inside of herself for as long as it took.


	21. Chapter 21

Warning signs surrounded Buffy, had for weeks, but now they signaled so much more than a wayward path, they called to her like sirens into the unknown darkness.

She paused at the door and watched the conflict pass over Sam's face. Her heart craved to smooth those lines away. Dean threw his backpack in the trunk of the impala and turned to face Sam one last time from afar.

Buffy's gut clenched at the look they shared. What would she give to look upon her sister's face once more like that? Dean jerked his head in acknowledgement of Sam's choice, yet it was obvious to the world how hurt he was.

Sam's grip tightened on her hand but he remained rooted where he was. It was all she could to not shake her head. Pride engulfed the lives of these brothers and she could barely see past it sometimes. Dean had made his choice as Sam had and somehow they both refused to budge no matter the pain it caused.

She found herself releasing Sam's hand and stepping back into the house. She couldn't be witness to this anymore. A part of her had really expected Dean to relent. The sound of his car kicking up dust left a hollowness in her heart she couldn't explain.

Imagines of his grotesque and battered form in Hell flashed before her eyes and she tried not to let the bile rise past her throat. He'd given up his life and his sanity for his brother. Yet he wasn't willing to give Sam up to her, not even willing to share him. This seemed wrong, more than wrong.

Yet it was actually happening. She looked back at Sam, worry etching his form in the doorway. Did she really want half of who he was? She'd fallen for him when he was without his brother once, but there had always been that hope in him he clung to. He knew he'd have Dean back with him someday.

What version of Sam existed now that Dean had left him to start a new path? She could only admit to herself that she was more than a little scared to find out.

She closed her eyes against the doubts in her mind.

Of course she wanted Sam. Hadn't she just been defending her right to keep him? Yet she somehow felt empty knowing what she was forcing them to give up for each other. Dean's whole life was in that car of his and now it was one person short of a conversation. And from the look on his face Sam was having major reservations about his decision to return to Sunnydale with Buffy.

Is this really how she wanted her Winchester? She knew now either way he went in life he'd be missing the other half of his heart, yet she was seriously rethinking her ability to keep that half of him happy with her. Guilt crawled up into her heart and sat there like a ton of bricks.

What was she supposed to do now?

When Sam turned back to her and their eyes met across the room she knew without a doubt what that choice was, because it was the only one she ever really had. She just needed to be witness to this moment before she could admit it to herself.


	22. Chapter 22

**1 Year Later**

Buffy leaned into her kill with a little bit of extra effort and relished in the feel of her stake sliding into the vampires' chest like butter. In a bloom of dust the nest she had been hunting was gone. No witty puns came to her as she turned to leave the tomb in silence.

Her hands itched to kill something else, _any_thing else. Tonight had started off badly. Her mind had been sinking into that place it went when she allowed herself to think of all she'd lost. She squared her shoulders and shook her head back. _No, not again. You won't go to him. Not tonight._

But her body betrayed her, her blood pulsed lower and lower, burning her belly and changing her direction. The night air pulled at her bare skin, pebbling the flesh. A chill circled her, trying to get under her skin entirely.

Pausing before the cold grey tomb Buffy threw her head back to the night and basked in the moment. She could turn away, leave. She didn't have to give herself up to this feeling.

_But it's the only time you _do_ feel. _Now the truth sunk in, her suspicions were confirmed, the lie revealed. Part of her really _was_ dead, and the only time she had the strength to bury that part was in his arms.

Her hands trembled as they rose to the granite tomb door.

Instantly she was tossed to the ground, the wind pushed from her lungs. She braced herself for an attack but the figure above her left her body unable to move.

"Dean!?"

"Who else." He chided. A look of murder swam in his eyes. Buffy shoved him off her with one forceful push. He stumbled backward but remained standing.

"What do you think you are doing?"

Dean's eyes narrowed at the question. "I could say the same of you." He made a disgusted gesture at the tomb to her left and Buffy stomach roiled. Had he known what she'd been doing lately? She shoved her shoulders back and marched away from Spike's tomb.

"Screw you Dean," She tossed back at him over her shoulder, "What I do is no longer, nor ever was, your business."

"I see that." He scoffed. "Where you let that evil thing plow it-" Buffy's fist connected with his jaw sending Dean backward several steps. His hand shot to rub at his chin and he gave her a scalding look.

"My life Dean, _mine_. We had an agreement when you left six months ago. No 'How do you do's', only slayer-hunter business and vice versa. Do you have any information for me, or are you only here to insult me some more?"

"Oh, so I'm the bad guy now? Have you forgotten what you've done to me? To Sam?" And the worst of it hadn't even occurred until _after _she'd fled Bobby's house almost a year ago. "You shouldn't have run without an explanation."

Buffy keep a brisk pace away from Dean but he followed hot on her heels. Rubbing salt in her wounds was the only thing that made him feel better lately. He'd be damned if he let a single chance to do so go.

She met his gaze now with a mulish look. "I wasn't running from you. I've been doing my own deal here, following my own leads. And I don't owe you an explanation. _Still don't_. Now what news do you have of Sam?"

"None. He's still not popped up on any grid."

Buffy stopped abruptly and Dean collided with her gently, their arms brushing. He pried his gaze from their contact and forced himself to remain still.

Her chin jutted at his stare. "Then what are you doing here?"

"Because you _know_ what that means." Buffy reeled back at his words, but caught her own reaction before he could assess its meaning. He knew she wouldn't say no to what he would ask her next. It was just the asking itself that he had hoped to avoid with everything in his being.

Because as much as he hated this small obstinate woman before him, a part of him loved her desperately too. If she died because he had failed to find another way out for all of them, that would be a shred of guilt he wasn't sure he could live with.

"Don't bother playing down the cynic in you Dean. I know you think I could die, but the truth is, it doesn't even matter anymore. Not to me. I have no Dawn to be strong for, no life to salvage. I keep existing because that's what people do."

Silence reigned between them. Dean fought the urge to tell her it _did_ matter, to him.

"I'll do it." She said quietly. The weight of her words drowning him in his own grief.

* * *

Sam had been gone for too long. Eleven months, twenty-eight days, thirteen hours too long.

Whatever had allowed Sam to walk freely from Hell had fooled them all, laying dormant inside him, awaiting the moment it could rip Sam from the forefront of his own consciousness and take a hold. Which just happened to be when Willow's spell to separate the two backfired.

It had only been eight hours after Buffy had left when she'd gotten the call from Bobby. Sam had gone missing and wasn't answering his cell phone. Had he followed her? The answer was no.

Dean had no clue what he had been talking about either.

"_Bobby, seriously, I left you three not even a day ago, if this is some stupid ploy to get us all back together for a reunion hug-"_

"_-Oh come off it Dean, I'm not in the mood. Now get your head out of your ass and answer the damned question."_

Dean's car had done a 360 and headed back to Sunnydale to find a rather unfriendly version of Buffy that hadn't improved much over the past year. Willow hadn't been able to do much magic besides confirm the suspicion that loomed over them all. Sam's body snatching house guest must've been far more powerful than any of them could even comprehend to fool Willow's possession radar.

The look on her face had sunk in slowly, but it had never really left.

From the moment he had woken up, Sam had not been in control.

Every smile that was so much like him, every word he'd said, every kiss he'd lain on Buffy's lips, none of it was really him, but the beast lurking inside him, playing with his flesh like a puppet on strings.

"_How Willow? H-how?" Willow's face had been shaky and grim._

"_Sam must still be in there too Buffy…somewhere, or else that _thing_ wouldn't have known how to access his thoughts and memories."_

_Buffy's eyes glistened over. _

_Their reunion, every moment since, it had all been with what was _inside_ Sam. Her hands moved to her lips and she choked on the thought. It had been the only time Sam had said he loved her. She had never actually heard it from him._

_ Now she never would._

* * *

"I'll do it." Buffy repeated, louder this time. Dean had a feeling she was trying to convince herself but he kept quiet. They both knew if Sam's body wasn't top side there was only one other place it could be. After all, whatever was lurking beneath the surface of Sam's facade, it now had an all access pass to and from Hell via that portal. The thought of what it had been up to down below for the equivalent of almost a hundred years was mind shattering. Would Sam's mind even be worth saving? Were they simply freeing him to put him out of his misery?

Buffy turned to leave but paused. She lifted a hand and placed it gently inside Dean's. He didn't turn away. If this was the last time he could touch her, he'd allow it.

She tilted her head back at him. "In all that time, did you…did you ever think of giving up?"

Dean's frown deepened. He knew what she was asking, somehow he always knew. Did all his years down below ever shatter his resolve? Did he ever give up that hope that somehow, someway he would get out?

He knew why she asked, and it wasn't for his benefit, it was for hers. That there might still be a piece of Sam clinging to hope down there, waiting for them.

He spoke the word that had been his savior down below softly, "Never."

And what she saw in his gaze must've been enough, because she slipped from him then and disappeared back into the night.


	23. Chapter 23

**6 Months Ago**

Buffy's laughter rippled across Dean's skin and embraced him in sudden warmth. He suppressed a smile at the very sight of her. He found it hard to imagine anyone could look so damned cute covered in black goo but Buffy managed it.

They'd been on the hunt for yet another lead to Sam but this one, like all the others, had led to a dead end. One very frustrated slayer plus an overzealous vengeful spirit equaled one tiny blonde covered from head to toe in thick black ectoplasm.

The laughter was an added bonus to the end of their crappy day together. It'd been six months since Sam had disappeared and every trail Bobby and Willow had yanked them to and fro over had all turned up cold. If anything Buffy needed a damned good laugh. Their situation was tireless and exhausting.

Dean caught her gaze and held it before reaching up to slide a pile of the spirits aftermath off her head. The sticky substance clung to his hands and he made a small face at the remains.

"Don't be such a girl." She chided. "At least it's not all over you!"

"Well a good hunter knows not to provoke a vengeful spirit before they have the lighter at the ready." He made a small flicking gesture with his fingers.

She gave him a snarky half smile and at that Dean finally let himself smile back. She'd been growing on him, day in and day out, and it was not okay to let himself enjoy it. _One day you'll have to give her back to him you idiot._

Buffy's eyes lit up at the sarcasm. "Well ghosts are not really my major focus. Vampire happens to be before my main title, not 'the very gross to kill.' So enough with you tonight and get me something to clean off with!"

Dean looked around quickly but refused to give up the one thing she had her eye on. His leather jacket.

"Uh-no." He started.

"Uh, yes! Are you kidding me right now? It's the coat or the car Dean, how do you think I am getting back to the hotel without staining your precious seats?" Dean's mouth hung open as Buffy rounded the hollowed out grave at her feet and headed for his baby.

He lunged for her but his grasp on her arm simply slid away with a handful of goo. "Oh no you don't!" He yelled setting after her rapid sprint back to the car. She laughed wickedly in their ridiculous chase and he raced faster slamming her small body to the ground with a thud. He tried not to wince at the impact; he'd learned the hard way many months ago just how much Buffy could take. And she wasn't the fragile thing he once had thought.

He barely had a second to think about hurting her before she had him swung around and was pinning him down with super human strength. Ectoplasm smudged between them and covered almost as much on him as it did her now. He rolled his eyes.

"Thanks." He said dryly. She smiled sweetly and slid down him slowly, making as much contact as she possibly could, covering him from head to toe in the black blood.

"Anytime." She said. Frustration mixed with lust as Dean struggled to get himself under control. Did she have to touch him so much?

The past six months had been a mixture of sleepless nights, Sam-scavenging, and battling his view point of Buffy in his life. He could admit to himself when he was wrong, but he'd be damned if he ever let it show.

The power she held over him wasn't something he was used to. Even in her dark moods, which was ninety percent of the time they spent together, he felt himself drawn to her. He saw past the faces she put on now, saw into her soul and it scared him. Because so much of what she thought and felt he saw reflected back inside himself. There was darkness in her eyes, but it was no darker than he had felt a million times. She'd been to the ends of the earth for her sister, died for her, and he had done the same for Sam.

The connection they shared was something magnetic, like dark electricity.

Yet every time he had felt himself weakening towards her she had done something that reminded him how much she did _not_ belong to him and probably never would.

Dean waited for one of those moments now. Sadly for them both, it wouldn't come until it was too late.

* * *

Buffy stepped from the shower refreshed. The night had crested long ago and soon it would be daybreak. She no longer looked forward to that. Just another day without Sam. Just another day without Dawn. Just another day on the road chasing ghosts.

She dressed quickly for bed, glad she had left her more embarrassing pajamas back at the homestead. Nighttime was becoming more and more awkward for them both, so much so that she had started questioning this sharing a room nonsense. But then again she let rationality win, because the closer they were to each other, the easier to watch each others backs.

The downpour of rain that had started outside was turning loud. Buffy frowned at the omen. The last time they chased a solid lead to where Bobby had sent them, they had practically been chasing a storm cloud. No signs of Sam, but plenty of rain and rolling thunder.

"You think this means we are close?" She said, trying to break the tension from earlier. Dean had been silent all the way back to the hotel, racing into the shower first and taking his sweet time in there too.

Dean packed his bag back up for the morning silently but gave a small shrug of his shoulders. He had on his jeans and a simple button down flannel, same old same old. Dean never wore anything he couldn't be ready to leave in.

"Dean?" She started, cautious.

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember me?" He lifted his gaze to hers and frowned. He didn't need to ask what she meant. He knew, and he remembered her. How could he forget?

"I do." He moved to stand before her. "I don't know what Sam will remember. I was myself down there, no matter what shape I was in, it was only me, only my soul and my skin."

Buffy nodded. She wasn't sure if she would be relieved or scared to know that Sam even now remembered her. Her last moments with him, her last _real_ moments, had been in Hell before they had parted ways. When they had vowed to always stand by each other. But that was a lifetime ago for him. What he remembered of her now she found she was afraid to find out.

If only he could forget her, maybe he could move on from this twisted thing they shared for a short time. Life had been easier with him, she'd never felt lighter, never trusted anyone more, yet it was something she knew she couldn't allow herself to have again. It left a gaping hole in her, a weakness exposed to the world.

Sam was the weight around her ankles as she drowned. And now Dean seemed to be the water trying to invade her lungs. Each Winchester seemed to be worth the weight, yet neither could truly save her.

She shook her head slowly. Dean moved to her side. The look of worry in his eyes seemed like a confession of something, but she didn't know what.

This was the first time he'd ever shown doubt, ever shown a moments hesitation in front of her. She wasn't sure what to say to make him understand she wasn't giving up this fight, no matter the outcome.

She lost her focus for the merest second. Before she could even react, he'd taken her into his arms, squeezing her to him, his hands and mouth seemingly everywhere.

The wildness in her-that darkness she'd tried to hide, to extinguish, flared with a vengeance to meet his. As if she'd waited her entire life for this, just as he had.

_Every cell in my body is telling me to do this._

Against her neck he rasped, "You are everything to me. Why can't I be that for you?"

The words dulled in her mind against the burning she felt over every inch of her skin. She couldn't catch her breath, tried to recall consequences, she tried to remember why this was so wrong, but her mind was shutting down.

_What am I doing?_

His lips burned a trail down her neck and up the side of her jaw. Buffy pushed the feeling away. This was weakness, this was everything she didn't deserve to be feeling. No moment of relief was worth the pain she was about to cause herself for a lifetime.

_What have I done?_

Tearing herself from Dean she shoved at him with full force sending him reeling backwards onto the floor. He threw a shocked hand up but crashed into the nightstand by the bedside.

Buffy panted into the deafening air. The sounds of rain echoing inside her heart, each drop calling her out for what she'd almost let happen.

She couldn't be here, had to get away from him.

"Buffy?" Dean leapt up, assessing the damage he'd just caused between them.

She turned to her pack beside the bed and started stuffing things into it. He jogged around to the other side of the bed trying to stop her.

She didn't answer.

"Where are you going?"

"Doesn't matter."

"What about the lead?" he asked, turning to walk backward as she advanced towards the door, pack in hand. "Saving Sam and all that? We are so close."

"No Dean," she started, unshed tears in her eyes, "we've never been further away."

When she shouldered past him and out into the night, he followed.

"Buffy please, I didn't mean it. I-just come back inside please." He gripped her forearms in his fists. "Please, just talk to me!"

Lightning flashed in the distance and Buffy turned to watch it streak through the sky.

She gave herself up then, to the outrage she had been feeling, to her need to blame, both preferable to this wretched fear. Flinging herself away from him, she screamed, "Don't come for me! Because if you do Dean, so help me God you won't like what you find!"

Dean watched her go. _She can't even look at me. Can't stand to be near me now._

There had been nothing in her eyes but bitterness, and a darkness he'd seen many times, but never aimed at him. It was as if a piece of her had died.

And he'd help kill it.


	24. Chapter 24

**5 Months Ago**

Dean paced the lawn outside her house. This was the worst kind of stalking. He had no excuse really. Well expect for the one that had lead him to seek her out in the first place. Bobby had insisted the storms and demonic activity had started up over Buffy's own Hellmouth this time and wasn't relenting.

He was positive she knew though. How could she not? So this lurking charade really fell short of an actual excuse for checking up on her. He told himself she'd be over it, be happy to lay what had started between them in the past.

He would soon find out how wrong he was.

When he knocked it was Xander who came to the door. Xander he couldn't deal with right now.

"Dean...what brings you to our neck of the woods?" He started, a half smirk on his face.

"I need to talk with Buffy, is she here?"

"Hmm, I guess you could say that. One moment." The door swung shut a mere inch from Dean's face. Well so much for her keeping things to herself about what he had done, no hope down that avenue.

When the door swung back open Buffy had a crossbow in her arm and didn't waste any time pointing it directly at Dean. "What do you want Dean?"

Dean frowned at the gesture. "Are you planning on shooting me?" He snorted.

"Don't know yet. Depends on what you say next I suppose." She gave a playful shrug but Dean felt she was in anything but a playful mood.

"I didn't come here to fight."

"Oh no? How about assault me some more with your lips?"

He blanched at her words. So much for moving on.

"I said I was sorry about that. I didn't mean for it to happen."

"Accidentally using the grape jam instead of the strawberry jam is an 'Oops' moment Dean. Making a move on your brothers girl while he's God knows where and possibly dead is not!" She moved out onto the porch and rain started to mist their skin in the moonlight.

"What can I say? I was weak? Yes! I was stupid?! Obviously! I take it back, it should've never happened but I refuse to stand here groveling for another chance to probably fuck up again! Cause I can't say it won't happen again. Around you, things aren't clear in here." He tapped his head roughly. "Who knows if it ever will be, but I am trying. I am. Believe me or not, but I do need your help, so please hear me out."

Buffy lowered the crossbow slowly, scrutinizing his gaze on her. Half of everything he said she heard loud and clear but being away from him helped her hate him for what had transpired, because even though she hadn't initiated or let it go on too long, for the few seconds it had, she'd found herself lost in the feeling. And the guilt tore her apart at night.

"If you came to tell me what I already know, then you can just get back in your stupid car and leave. The storms don't point a signal sign to Sam, they signal the opening of the doors. Demon activity is up around here, but so what? We've had worse and we will have worse again. We don't need you here. _I_ don't need you here. I got this door, go find your own."

Dean tried to relent, tried to do what his heart screamed for him to do but he hesitated anyway.

"I want him back too you know."

Buffy scoffed. "Of course you do. You, you, you, you. You want him back because you can't imagine your life without him. You are selfish Dean, and you cover it with lies you tell yourself to justify why you need him back so badly. It's not for him, no, if it was just for him you'd have never kissed me. You want him back for you, because you need him in your life. And that's where we differ. When I found out Dawn might have been in Heaven I found a way to give her up. But when you went to that crossroads in the first place all you were doing was trading places with your brother, who was forced to live without you. Remember how that felt? Congratulations because you gave that gift to your brother, only swap Heaven for Hell and give him no way of ever finding peace without you. You are selfish, and no amount of passion or lust can disguise that the only thing I truly feel when I look at you now is contempt."

Dean's mouth dried at Buffy's words. He had no excuses ready for this. She had overturned his greatest fears and lain them open for him to see. And he couldn't deny it anymore. He _was_ selfish. He'd told himself time and again that he'd sold his soul for Sammie because it was what Sam deserved. A life, and a chance. But did Sam really deserve to watch his brother be torn apart by hell hounds and ripped from his grasp forever? What kind of life was that?

What had gotten him through Hell was the thought of Sam. What drove him now was having Sam back. He didn't want Sam with him for what Sam really was, he wanted him for what he represented, he was the masking tape holding Dean together and it was more than just wanting Sammie back with him. He needed him, couldn't live without him. And what was worse, he couldn't imagine Sam ever choosing a life without him in it as well. He wanted Sam to be with him, back on the road, as it was. And he wasn't willing to give that up for anything.

He searched his blackened heart for the part of him that used to be happy for Sam just because Sam was happy and came up empty handed. How had he not seen this inside himself before? What had Hell taken from him? His humanity was slipping and yet he'd been thanking his lucky stars it wasn't his sanity.

How long could he keep denying this darkness in himself was growing?

"What do you want me to say?" He said roughly. "I can't take it back now. I won't same I'm sorry again."

Buffy shook her head at his small retreat. "Of course you won't." She said sadly. "I don't want your apology Dean, it's just words. I want your help getting Sam back, your reasoning means nothing to me anymore."

Dean shuffled at the base of the stairs where he stood now. "Bobby thinks the activity may be the doors opening from the inside. No trace of Sam has been found on the surface. We have a running theory he may have never been up here at all."

Buffy nodded. "I'll let Willow know." She turned to head back inside but paused. "And Dean, don't come here again without a damned good reason, you have a phone and my number, use it. If we find out anything before you do, I'll reach out to Bobby."

Dean tried not to let it go, tried to turn away from her, but each second he got to stare was another he would be able to replay later. He took a step forward, and an arrow sailed through the air towards him before he could blink.

He dodged it but just barely as it flew past his shoulder and clanked lightly across the street on the pavement.

His eyes widened on hers yet found only cold and calculating staring back at him. She broke the glare then with a small smirk and swung the crossbow onto her shoulder as she sauntered inside yelling over her shoulder before slamming the door behind her. "Remember when I said I don't miss, Dean? You're welcome!"


	25. Chapter 25

**4 Months Ago**

She was drowning. Plain and simple. The ice cold water sliced over Dawn's skin like a million sharp razors. But the temperature was nothing compared to the fear sledging its way up her chest.

Water pushed inward at her flesh, rushing past her nostrils and prodding her for a way in. The pressure was all encompassing. She couldn't keep it out much longer and she knew it.

Seconds ticked by all too fast as she struggled against the ropes at her wrists, bound to god only knows what. Ignoring the bindings cutting into the skin at the base of her hands she twisted again, reaching for a resolution, her feet scrambling for purchase on anything but water. Anything for a way out of this.

An instant later oxygen slashed at the cold water on her skin and her lungs automatically dragged in a desperate breath in reaction to its presence.

She slumped forward on the cold sand, each stone cutting into her frozen flesh and marring her once perfect skin. His boots appeared before her foggy gaze and she braced herself for what would come next. She knew this night was far from over and this life would not relent so easily to what it once was.

She gulped at the air, dragging in rough breath after rough breath, clinging to the feeling of air once more inside her lungs.

"Again." He grated, and just like that the ocean surrounded her once more squeezing out any hope of escape.


	26. Chapter 26

**Present Day**

Buffy stood before the seal to her very own Hellmouth. _Funny how I never knew what I'd been living over this whole time._ Like it was just a thing everyone talked about, but here it was, an actual door to where _he_ was. Where everything that ever rose up to destroy her town came from.

Or came for.

She watched as her blood slowly followed the seals edge, filling in the gruesome circular design. It was almost beautiful, if it hadn't represented so much death, hadn't been the pathway to something that threatened to tear her world apart.

How many times over the past year had she swore to the Heavens she'd do anything to get Sam back, bleed for him, die for him? One more test, one more path into the unknown. Would it never end?

She fingered the open cut at her arm closed and tied a bandana over it tightly. Stitches were a luxury she never allowed herself anymore, she wanted the scars, wanted that road map to where she was going left behind for him to see.

He could trace them all the way up from her toes to her chin, where a tiny one now marred her perfect flesh just underneath her jawline. They would tell the story of how she got here; all she did to get him back. She let her mind wander back to a time when nothing was as certain as it was now.

* * *

**3 Months Ago**

"_Willow, you are our best shot for this." Buffy's eyes pleaded silently for Willow to understand. But Willow understood perfectly, grief was a multi-layered curse, just when you thought you'd scarped down to the core of it, another layer snuck up on you. _

_The past year had put Willow to the test. She had battled her own inner demons as the dark magic had slowly consumed her, willing her to be at its control. She had lost her way time and again, and almost lost Tara because of it._

_She had been raped of her faith when Tara had been taken from her with the single shot of a bullet and she let herself fall into the darkness of vengeance that threatened to take her from herself as well._

_Time had not healed her wounds. It'd been one month, one day, and seven hours since Tara's body had been put into the cold ground. And only three weeks since she had tried to take down the whole world as she drowned from the inside out with grief. She saw the path humanity was on, and it scared her how clear it was even now. Giles had asked her since then how much she remembered from her time under the dark magicks. She had evaded his questions with one of her own._

"_How much would you want to remember?"_

_His face had softened and he had left her then, to slowly rebuild her magic. Buffy had been by her side constantly, Giles had wanted to take her back to England where a coven of Earth-bound witches had offered to rehabilitate her, but Buffy had refused. She had lost too many people close to her to let Willow out of her sight._

_Willow stiffened at Buffy's words. Magic even now stirred within her, begging to be released. Yet she feared the ability to sift between the good and the bad. She feared herself._

"_I can't." She whispered. Buffy's hand clasped over Willows._

"_I've watched you fall to a place no one has come back from this past year Will. And I've seen you get back up. There are witches…then there is you. You have a strength, a kindness I've never seen the likes of anywhere else, and trust me I've looked hard. I trust you with my life, nothing will change that."_

_A single tear trailed down Willow's cheek. "What if I don't want you to trust me?"_

"_What if it's too late for that?" Buffy smirked._

_Willow let herself cry then, breaking apart with wretched sobs, falling into Buffy's tight embrace. They stayed that way for what seemed like a lifetime before Willow recovered enough to agree to Buffy's plan. _

_They had set to work immediately, searching for a way into Hell without having to invoke the same magic that put Willow on her path to destruction this past year._

_Slowly time had shown them the answers, but not without a fight. Buffy had spent the better half of a month on a portal journey, opened by Willow, to the Powers That Be. They had tested her many times. Shown her her worst fears, tried to divert her from her true path. She was ashamed to admit much of her time had been spent running after a girl with Dawn's lilting voice, beckoning her away from the portal that lead to where she was headed. _

_Her heart had nearly stopped when she had seen Sam within the time jumps. He was to be her final test. One she almost failed. His face had been broken, his arms reaching for her, calling to her heart to stay here with him, to not leave him again. It had taken everything within her to leave them both behind._

_Illusions can be real to the weak minded, and within those portals she had wanted nothing more than to give up and weep at the sight of everything she had been searching for._

_But it hadn't been real. Dawn's laughter merely a facade. Sam's strong grasp on her waist just a diversion. The Powers That Be had been taunting her, and still did, even after she had found her way to them. They had laughed that any who dared enter without a gift in hand needed to prove themselves worthy of their answers. _

_Buffy had scoffed at the thought. These childish petty mind thieves were the all-knowing reasoning behind the supernatural world? It seemed so unlikely, yet they did give her the answers she sought, and showed her a way to open the seal Willow had scryed for beneath the old high school. But their advice had come with a warning._

_"Be warned chosen one, for what door you seek, you do not have the key to open."_

_Buffy had been thrown from the portal then, slamming into the far wall with such force her teeth rattled in her head. _

_She later found out from a very worried Xander that she had been gone nearly a month. Funny it hadn't seemed like that long to her she'd laughed. He hadn't laughed back._

* * *

Her memories from inside the portals hadn't waned, and they gave her the fuel she needed now to forge on. Blood opened the seal to the Hellmouth, how simple, how trite. It was always blood wasn't it? Hadn't that been what Spike had said to her once?

Blood was life and it took a life to get a life.

Only what came next would only prove that an oracles foresight should never be ignored, because the door she opened wasn't to Hell. It was to a place much worse. And despite every weakness she thought she already had, a new one awakened within her. Bloomed before her eyes representing everything she had never let herself want.

She moved slowly down the winding stairs into the mouth of the seal.

_It was a hope she'd always ignored. _

The stone beneath her boots clicking softly in the back of her mind.

_It was a day she'd never asked for._

The sight before her blossomed larger the closer she got. By the time she reached the bottom stone step the cavernous pit bubbled back up at her, vomiting an illusion in her path. White blinded her vision just as her eyes had adjusted to the dark. She blinked it back and tried to refocus on the scene unfolding in front of her.

Sam sat upon a pale blue couch in an unfamiliar house, a projection of herself tucked beneath his large arm. She looked older, years older, her features a bit fuller, her body rounder, but not by much.

The sight shocked her.

She refocused on Sam, he was larger, taller, if that was at all possible. His body had filled out even more and his hair had grown several inches. Her projection looked up at him with a smile and then back down the hallway at what appeared to be a sound only her older self could hear. She peered back up at Sam and reached for a lingering kiss on his lips. He melted into her, reaching his arms around her waist and drawing her over his lap in a deliciously slow motion.

When they parted Buffy's heart was in her throat.

Her other self then got up slowly, withdrawing her warmth from Sam's embrace and their hands parted gently in the air as she sauntered away down the hall. His dark gaze followed her retreat with a small smile.

The scene bled into another quickly and Buffy's stomach tumbled at the feeling of vertigo it shoved into her being. Suddenly she was outside and the sun was shining brightly. Her older projection squinted into the distance over a playground, a hand over her brow, searching into the crowds of children before her.

Sam whisked from behind her then and she almost felt the brush of his arm as he passed her and enveloped her other self in a strong hug from behind. Other Buffy leaned backwards into him, closing her eyes at the feeling of his strong frame against her.

Buffy narrowed her eyes on herself. What was this other version of her feeling? _Safe_, a part of her screamed. She allowed the word to bounce around inside her head while she basked in the scene.

A second later her vision-self raised a hand and waved into the crowd of children, a huge smile spreading across her face. Buffy frowned, her breathing becoming shallow. _No_, she thought, _this isn't happening. _Yet it was real, it felt real. And instantly her gaze shot forward to the small child returning her frantic waving. A small boy, with hair as bright as her own, standing atop the monkey bars, pride in his gestures to his parents at how high he had climbed. His tiny lips moved quickly but no sounds came to her.

But sound was irrelevant. The softening in Sam's eyes as he looked from the small boy who had his features down to almost every last detail, yet brandished his mother's blonde hair, down to the woman in his arms who obviously held his heart, was enough.

_She knew now what she was seeing._

_It was the future. _

_And it was perfect._


	27. Chapter 27

It was three o' clock in the morning when Dean's cellphone rang. In an instant he was wide awake. Only two people called him nowadays, Bobby with news of another case, or Buffy with news of Sam. Either one was something worth the lost sleep.

"Yeah." He answered, his voice rough.

"Dean?" Xander's voice came to him over the line. "Somethings happened." His voice was soft and broken, as if he'd been crying. It scared the shit out of Dean.

"What is it? Is it Buffy?" Dean dragged in a ragged breath, something rattling deep in his chest.

"You know I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't." Xander's voice faded off and Dean forced himself under control. His heart slammed around inside his chest as if trying to break free.

_Buffy...what have you done now?_

"I'll be right there." He grunted and hung up.

A day later, driving at speeds that should've had him arrested, he slammed into the Summer's residence and knocked on the door frantically.

Anya, the weird one, answered the door. She didn't say anything, which was odd in and of itself, but hung back and let Dean plow into the house, searching for anyone with answers.

He found Giles first in the dining room at the table, piles of books surrounding him.

"What happened?" He ordered. Giles looked up from his text, red rimmed his eyes. Had everyone been sitting around crying? Dean fumed. "Where is she?"

Giles merely shook his head. "She hasn't been back yet. It's been far longer than before."

"Before? _Before what?"_

Giles removed his glasses and set to cleaning them nervously. "She'd been searching for a way back into Hell for awhile now. Ever since she came back..." His words trailed off but they both understood what he was saying. Ever since she left Dean behind at that hotel room, after he'd made the mistake of a lifetime and kissed her.

"She had been toying with idea for awhile now, of going back." Giles continued. "When you arrived a few weeks ago with the news from Bobby, it only confirmed it for her. Sam was in Hell and she knew it was where she had to go to get him back. It took her awhile to figure out a new path on how to get there. Willow's been... slightly out of commission."

Dean fidgeted, he was becoming impatient. "And?" He prodded.

Giles sighed and returned his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "When she found what she thought was a back door into the Hellmouth, she seized on it."

"And she didn't think to tell me?!" Dean exploded.

"She knew you'd want to go with her, because this time, it was an open hatch, anyone could pass through it. Even you."

Dean tried to get himself under control. He dragged a shaky hand down his face and gripped his jaw tightly, his eyes sliding closed in despair.

When he opened his eyes again Giles was watching him with a knowing expression.

"And she has been gone for exactly how long?" Dean forced out through grit teeth.

"Seven weeks."

Dean lost it. "And you waited _this_ long to tell me?"

Giles flinched at the tone but refused to back down. "You know her, she made us promise to give her at least twenty years down there. She made us promise. I believe in Buffy, even if you don't, I've seen what she is capable of. She has defeated the unbeatable, brought this world back from the brink of destruction time and again. Where her faith leads us we follow. Whether we agree or not, we trust her. She asked us for the time, how could we not give it to her?" His speech was defensive and they both sensed it. Giles felt guilt over letting her languish down there so long, but it was what she had asked for, and he didn't dare not give it to her.

Dean clenched his fists and released them slowly. "Tell me everything, from the beginning."

* * *

Dawn paced the empty house waiting. He'd been gone too long, this was some messed up test again and she knew it, everything with him was a test. "Don't leave" he'd said, "I expect you here when I get back." Time had stopped as it usually did beneath his gaze and she had merely nodded at him in frustration.

Where would she go anyway? Was it a joke of his? Or another lesson in trust?

She kicked at the wall in anger and felt the rubble crumble beneath her steel-toed boot. The aggression felt good, more than good. She swung again sending plaster up around her and denting the old house irreparably.

_This is a test. _Her gaze wavered towards the door and her heart latched onto the possibility of leaving, of escaping. It was all impossible and deep down she knew it, she hadn't spent a year with him for the fun of it. It had been only this, test after test, lesson after lesson. Her body grew stronger, her mind hardened, yet her soul was on the verge of crumbling.

"You don't have a soul darling. So stop pitying yourself." Dawn whirled on her capture/comrade in arms. He was just as beautiful as ever. Perfect really. Electricity followed their interaction as he reached out to put a playful lift to her chin. His warm fingers turned to ice instantly and he gripped her face harshly as they flew into the wall at her side. The weight of them both made a wide dent and pain reverberated up Dawn's back.

He glared down at her, his features impassive and cruel. "Don't think of leaving again."

"I-I wasn't-" She started, his finger on her lips silenced her.

"Lies Dawnie? Really?" He laughed then and a warmth spread across his dark features.

She frowned at his reaction. He read her mind, she knew it. It hadn't been something he ever admitted, but he answered her questions without her lips ever moving and found out her darkest fears with one glance. He had been inside her mind, there was no doubt. She scrubbed her hands together feeling violated. She wished there was a way to bar him from entering her thoughts, but in all the time they'd been together she still had found none.

"I actually did have something I needed to check up on. If you were wondering where my enigmatic self was." He grinned and her traitorous heart nearly stopped at the sight. _God he is perfect._

His smile instantly dropped. "If only God had really felt that way darling. We probably wouldn't be in this predicament, now would we?" He vanished as soon as he had appeared and Dawn let out the breath she had been holding.

This time her gaze remained fixed on what he had left behind on the table. Funny, she hadn't even seen him leave it. But then again she never usually saw him do half the impossible things he ended up doing.

Suddenly her thoughts of escaping were long behind her. Adrenaline spiked through her blood. For the first time in nearly a year she allowed herself to feel a shred of relief. Of hope.

He'd done it. He had always said he would, always pushed the idea of what they had to do next and that it was possible. But Dawn was sheltered, weak, her false memories plagued her pathetic life and turned her from who she really was and all she was capable of.

He'd scorned her for her weakness yet reveled in her glow, spurring her heart and shredding her hope all at once.

"_You were once so bright Dawn, you were more than the sunrise for this world, you were it's salvation. Yet you gave that up, let your sister's tainted blood mar the lock between realms. You should've been the one to jump." His fingers played in her hair and ran down her face. "One day you will begin to see how wrong the path is you've taken. Yes, one day."_

Dawn had cried her heart out at the thought of Buffy jumping for her. They had foolishly thought it was to save them both, yet Buffy had died and Dawn was forever left with a gaping hole in her heart. She sought to fill it in the most menial ways, stealing, kissing vampires, hanging out with the rebellious girls at school.

She saw now how that had all been the illusion in a world of truth. Dawn the human being was the lie she told herself to cling to this realm, but the truth was she belonged to many, and it was only when _he_ touched her that she truly felt it.


	28. Chapter 28

**And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon,**

**and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet.**

**- Revelation 16:13**

* * *

**Part 1 of 3  
**

**The Dragon**

Confliction didn't belong here. It didn't fit. Wasn't part of the living picture she had settled into. So when it reared its ugly head at her heart for the third time since the future visions had sprouted around her Buffy started to fight against it.

Her chest sang out in pain each time she shoved the feeling deeper. _Wrong. This is wrong._

"No." She whispered, no sound coming back to her. She flinched at the reminder that she didn't belong here. It was unwelcome. Her eyes met with her future-self projection and the sight swallowed her fears again and her heart sang out in rejoice.

I belong here. _No, you don't._

I deserve this. _Not yet._

She ignored the inner struggle, dampened the threat of her slayer side fighting to resurface against her human desires.

I've come so far, I can rest now. _Never. _

Who are you to deny me a future?_ I am you._

You are not all of me. I want what I see, you do not. _There was a time when you had buried this part of you so deep you'd never have been able to uncover it. Don't you remember that part? Do you not see what this is?_

It is what I want._ It is the lie you are telling yourself._

I would not lie to myself about this._ You lie to yourself even now._

I _do_ want this._ You can't want this._

Why not?_ Because this piece of you hasn't been born yet. It's before your time, before your fight. A fight you will not win if you lose yourself to this vision._

How can you know that?_ Because Slayer, your story is yet untold. You have not in your grasp all you see._

But I _do_ see it._ Your eyes play tricks on you._

No._ Call to yourself, can you hear? Touch that is not real, can you feel?_

No!_ Yes! Close this part of you, it can never be yours. _

No, no… "No!" Buffy's cries echoed back to her from somewhere distant, the sound pitched and strained. She blinked and for a second saw outside the warmth of her visions. The darkness engulfed her. The slayer inside reveled in it. The human in her flinched at the fear she felt.

She tried to remember a time she had ever felt fear, real and true fear. Did it even exist? _Yes,_ a part of her whispered back at her. She was separated against herself and it was a searing pain, as if every stitch of her soul was being torn apart.

I thought you were never afraid. _A true slayer knows fears and faces it anyway._

I don't want to go back. _Then you will die here, forever watching what you can never truly live._

I _am_ living it._ If you believe that then you are half dead already._

How do I fight this? I have no weapons._ You do, you always did._

Where? My hands are empty._ No Buffy, they are not, they never were._

Buffy moved her empty fingers before her face but saw nothing. Did she hold a weapon even now? Had she ever held a weapon? She couldn't remember a time when she had. Memories flooded her of the weight of Sam's warm palm against her own. She had held Sam's hand, that was what belonged in her hands. _You were not meant for this, turn away._

I belong with him. _You belong to the world. A part of you once knew that._

"No…" The whisper reached her own ears this time and the sound waves shot out around her, rippling the vision before her. Buffy blinked at the reaction, a piece of her mind cracking open to the lie.

No, please don't take him from me. _Too late._

I need him._ You don't._

Please don't do this to me._ I am you._

I don't want this! I need to stay._ You do want this. Because you know its right._

The ripples slowed and flattened then, returning for a second to the peaceful playground. She blinked, her mouth going dry at the thought of never seeing it again. A second later it was gone, as if it had never been there to begin with. Her mind cried out with clarity instantly. She was free. Yet a small piece of her roared in the back of her mind with grief.

Come back. _You want it? Go and get it._

Buffy's boots moved forward rapidly, her legs stiff from the foreign action as if she hadn't walked before and was learning how to all over again. She tripped and came crashing to the ground, rock and dirt grinding against her knees in the dark.

Laughter welled up from nowhere and seemed to surround her completely. At first she wasn't sure if it was her own or not. She reached for her throat and felt for the action. Her skin prickled at the touch but her jaw remained closed and yet the laughter continued on.

"Bravo Buffy, really, I'm impressed." The voice was her own, yet she heard it this time, outside of her own being. Chills shivered down her spine as a small figure emerged from the shadows before her. Instantly she struggled to regain her footing.

The thing that now moved to stand before her wore her face. Not her future face, not the visions she had indulged in for far too long, but her face now. She looked upon herself, and inside she felt her stomach quake.

"What are you?" She spat.

"I should be all cryptic and say you, but I've been there done that. Oddly enough, I find I am tiring of such games."

Buffy eyed the creature who had stolen her face warily. If it came down to it, could she fight herself? _Yes, and you will win._

"Why do you look like me?"

She shrugged. "Because you want me to."

"What do you mean? Who are you?"

She smiled then, something evil and unworldly lit her features and Buffy cringed at the sight of it on her own face. "I am the first."

"The first? The first what?"

She laughed then, as if to some inside joke only she was privy to. "The first of everything. First woman, first demon, first evil, first to fall, first to rise again, first to see what I was and want more, and the first to be cast out for it. I am the untold story my dear. The one overlooked and forgotten." She looked off into the darkness and smiled as if reminiscing a time long lost to her. "Yes I am the first. But you might know me as Lilith."

Buffy blanched. "Lilith? Adam's first wife?"

Lilith cackled and Buffy wondered how that sound even came out of her. "Is that all I'm known for now?" She looked up forlornly at the seals open door. "I haven't been outside for a very long time. All I see of the world now is inside people's deepest desires."

For a moment Buffy feared she would make a break for the entrance, but she merely looked away as if resigned to her space below the Earth.

"Was that you inside my head?"

Lilith rolled her eyes. "And the slayer gets a cookie."

Buffy ignored the twenty-first century jab and let the irony roll off her. "Are you trapped down here?"

Lilith laughed again, this time the sound was sweet and innocent. "You'd like that wouldn't you? Would make this all easier for you. Yes I've been inside your head, you compartmentalize Buffy, it's an odd thing. I say let it all bleed together." She paused as if lost in thought. "No I am not. Believe it or not, I like it down here. I chose to stay."

Buffy frowned. Lilith pretended not to notice.

"When you've lived as long as I have you begin to realize that nothing is as unattainable as the dream. And all the while nothing is ever as sweet."

"So you live down here feeding off peoples dreams?"

Lilith looked around as if perplexed. "Do you see any people down here?"

Buffy allowed herself the glance around the cavernous mouth to Hell. No, there was no other humans in sight, in fact she doubted if any human even lasted long down here.

"No my dear, humans have beautiful dreams, but they are so shallow, so redundant. The real wonder is the dreams of demons. The ones who were once human."

Buffy scoffed. "Are you saying that demons were once human?"

Lilith took a quick step forward and grinned. "Bingo darling."

"How can that be?"

"You have such small minds. I forget sometimes how little you see and understand." Laughter bubbled up from inside her then. "No I like it down here. There is no better existence than the one we create for ourselves to escape in. The journey from human to demon is the deepest and most stunning transition the mind can undertake. It really is something to behold."

"You are sick."

Lilith's dreamy smile dropped away instantly. "Of course a parasite like you wouldn't understand." She spat.

"Oh I understand completely." Buffy started, rounding on her own visage in the darkness. "You get off on the last shreds of hope a person projects to comfort themselves from the pit. You are no better than any other parasite on this planet, feeding off others to comfort yourself. At least some of us have our own dreams."

The hit came out of nowhere and in an instant Buffy was against the far wall, pain cracking up the side of her ribs and her jaw singing from the impact of Lilith's blow.

"Go ahead, smack me around. You can't break me with my own dreams so why not try your fists right?"

"Shut up human, you know nothing of my motives."

Buffy moved off the floor and inched closer to Lilith, bracing herself for another blow. "Why do you look like me? Too afraid to wear your own face?"

"I fear nothing anymore. And I told you, it's what you want to see me as."

"You're lying."

"Hun, when you live as long as I have, you realize that lies are all just truths we deny ourselves out of guilt. No, no, you do want to see me this way. It makes it harder for you to kill me, makes you hesitate."

"I wouldn't hesitate to kill you."

"You would." Her voice softened. "You are. See because you've seen me before, in another face, in another time. But they are all just suits of flesh and bone after all right? I often forget what skin I was born into." Her voice trailing off as she glanced back up at the seal.

"I have seen you before? When?"

"Oh we've crossed paths a few times before. The last time was when I meddled in human affairs for a bit of fun. About fourteen hundred years down here. A deliciously long vacation, yet a blink of an eye when all is said and done."

Buffy's mind reeled at the thought. Fourteen hundred years in Hell, that was a little bit over a year ago on Earth. What had she been doing then? That was just before she had been in contact with Chuck, a prophet who had led her to the Winchester brothers in the first place.

"Stumped you have I? Don't strain yourself too much little human, the look of thought doesn't become you."

"Show me your real face." Buffy demanded.

"Ha ha, you don't want to see my real face love. Just trust me on that."

"I do, show it to me now."

Lilith's lips quirked up and her eyes glowed. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Suddenly all of Buffy's worst fears were realized. Lilith face melted from that of her own into her sister's beloved features. Dawn's round cheeks and glossy brown hair, her dark green gaze alight with the torment she was inflicting.

"This is a lie." Buffy grate out.

"It isn't. Like I have said, lies hold no joy for me anymore, it's the truth that really hurts."

"How?" Buffy's heart hadn't altered its treacherous longing since Lilith's change. Her arms itched to hug her sister, yet she knew she might have to kill her in this form. _This isn't Dawnie._ Oh Dawnie.

"You think the monks who made your sister were_ that_ creative to come up with an original face on their own. No, they picked one they knew would never be repeated, one lost to the world long ago, one she could never be mistaken for anyone else in. Me and the old monks go way back. Several of them were immortal you know." Her face twisted into something Buffy couldn't fathom seeing on Dawn's inoccent features and she tried her best not to look away.

"So you were the one possessing Dawn?"

"Until I was forced out. Yes." Buffy frowned and Lilith took up pacing in circles around her, her grin growing in the darkness. "You didn't think a weapon as childishly mortal as those Winchester boys carry could really kill me do you?"

Buffy blinked. "Sam's demon blade." She said, realization dawning.

"It killed the body, nothing more. I simply moved on."

"How do you know about Sam and Dean?" Buffy pounced on the new information.

Laughter racked through Lilith. "I teased those two for sometime. Played a worldwide game of battleship with them."

"What do you mean?"

"Had some fun breaking seals, making things messy. It was a riot. See Dean squirm, see Sam run. They just didn't get it. I never really wanted Lucifer to rise. That bat-shit crazy angel stole my thunder. _I_ was the first to rebel, he simply followed suit and notoriously got all the credit. Yet another tift I had with the monks, did they ever try their best to erase my story from every damned testament they could get their hands on."

"So this is what? All just some cry for attention? To get your name back in some dusty old book?"

"You ask too many questions."

"I want you to look like me again." Buffy blurted out.

Lilith brows rose at the statement. "Don't like that your little sister was modeled after me? Tsk tsk, I don't think you should be making me mad right now, because I'll be forced to kill you and I'm really not done playing with you yet."

"I don't care what you do to me, just stop wearing my sister's face."

"This is _my_ face!" The ground beneath Buffy reverberated with the impact of Lilith's words.

"Not. Any. More." Buffy grit out. "Your time has come and gone."

Lilith shrugged nonchalantly, as if the cares of the world were suddenly none of her concern, as if she hadn't just exploded with anger. "Perhaps. But there was a time when I was the original fire bringer, I exploded through the world, killing any who dared try and put me back into that cage at Adam's side. I could've had the world, should've been granted it."

Buffy sighed, frustration in her blood. "Are you seriously pitying yourself right now? You are a murderer, a demon, you chose this path, and with it you lost any right for sympathy."

"I don't want your pity slayer, nor do I rejoice in my own. Feelings are for the weak, I gave them up long ago in favor of vengeance. A human woman's heart can do many things, burn many bridges or take flight in feelings above our own. But nothing is as sweet as both at once. I once took to those skies like a dragon, breathing fire on God's children for daring to be born into a world below the standards of the soul." She smiled wanly, lost in memories of times long past. "But all they saw was the blood shed, the murder in my actions, not the fire in my heart!"

"Are you seriously trying to get me to understand why you killed innocent people?"

Lilith's gaze steeled against the attack. "They were not innocent! They bowed to a man who thought we were not equal. Is this who you fight for? Even now, you forge forward for the love of a single man. Men are the weakness in our world, a plague upon the Earth."

"If you really believe that then you have lost sight of how the world has changed."

"I see everything. Nothing has changed."

"No, you are wrong." Buffy planted her feet on the stone floor in front of Lilith, her gripped tightening on the once forgotten weapon in her fist. "I am this world's power now, I am its defender. Good and evil know no gender. Man, woman, demon, angel, vampire, beast. No matter its regret. No matter what face it wears. I was put here to stop it."

Lilith's smile said it all. The conversation was done.

"Oh Buffy, if only I didn't have to kill you now."


	29. Chapter 29

**And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon,**

**and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet.**

**- Revelation 16:13**

* * *

**Part 2 of 3**

**The Beast**

Dean's trigger finger moved of its own accord. One second he was running towards the scene unfolding before him, the next he was firing into the fray at the figure standing over Buffy. His legs pushed faster and faster towards the edge of an enormous cliff dipping into a cavernous pit below where she lay beneath the fists of a scrawny woman above her.

Blood covered every other inch of her frame and Dean's heart screamed at the thought of her being beyond repair. _Too late, I am too late! _"Nooo!" He charged forward faster, colliding with the figure above Buffy and crashing it into the stone with such force it should've shattered bone.

He recovered from the impact, but too late, a fist collided with the side of his face instantly. Bracing himself for another hit he grit together his singing jaw and tried to twist out of the now vice-like grip on his jacket. Yet the next blow never came. Laughter slowly darkened the pit below them as it grew to something inhumanly sweet.

Dean dragged his star-filled gaze up to the face of the woman before him. "Dawn?" He grated out in confusion. The woman whose face held so much evil, the one who had been laying into Buffy not even two seconds ago, had Buffy's sisters features. He'd only seen her once, when he'd expelled the demon within her possessed body all those months ago. For him it had been a lifetime ago.

Yet Dawn's pictures had been sprinkled around the Summer's home, as if a reminder of what he'd once done, they had plagued him during his stay. He had committed her features to memory, he deserved nothing less than to always remember the face of the girl he had killed.

Now her lips twisted cruelly over her teeth stained with what could only be Buffy's blood. "No Dean, Dawn's meat suit is elsewhere."

Dean shook his head. "Where is she?" He spat.

Laughter again. "You think I know?" She stood then releasing him. He took the vantage point and got to his feet warily. He didn't allow himself a glance towards Buffy, it might just be the weakness that got them both killed. "How in the world did you find me?" She baffled in a playful tone. "Were you the back up?" She smiled and licked at the blood coating her teeth.

Dean frowned at the gesture. No way was this Dawn. "Who are you?"

"Ah Dean, so easily you forget. What, can't see past all this skin?" She splayed her hands over her arms and ran them down to each finger slowly. "Looks like you recovered quite nicely. I didn't see that coming." Her hand gently made a clawing mark in the air and Dean's heart stilled at the reminder of how he had been sent to the pit.

"Lilith?" He grate out.

"Ding ding ding!" She yelped, a grin spreading over her features.

"How do you..."

"-look like Buffy's obnoxious little sister who is apparently better at wearing my skin than me?" Dean nodded once. "Oh my, this sack of bones hasn't told you yet has she?" Her gaze moved down to Buffy behind him and he used everything inside him not to follow her gaze. "Well, looks like you don't know the origin of the second Summer's sister now do you? Must be a pain being so out of the loop sometimes."

Dean clenched his jaw but remained silent.

"Dawn wasn't born, she was created, made in my image." Dean blanched. "Not that it affected her one bit, no the beauty of it all only runs skin deep after all. I spent some time inside the twit, she was vanilla as the day is long. Very soft core, compared to most."

"What are you talking about?"

"Dawn of course. The little doppelganger was made to have my face, but the girls thoughts were all fluff."

"How was she made? What is she?" A small moan came from behind him then. He couldn't keep the relief from his face. Lilith laughed at the reaction. "Oh Dean, you really are an idiot aren't you? Falling for the slayer. Well I might just let you two live to see how that one plays out, might be more entertaining than just killing the mouthy bitch."

Dean moved to his right so he was standing in front of Buffy completely. He risked a glance down and saw her struggling to sit up. "You didn't answer my question." He tried to steer Lilith's attention away from Buffy.

"I think I'd rather not." She mused. "Would be more fun to have her do it."

Dean tried to get his temper under control. Last thing they needed after he'd practically beat Buffy's whereabouts out of Giles was to fail so soon. He'd come this far, no way was he going to lose Buffy to the evil bitch who had sent him to the pit. Revenge clawed at his guts but he pushed it down inside himself. It wouldn't win out today. Because as hot as vengeance sang out from inside him, cold fear suffused him to the core at the thought of Buffy dead.

Lilith grinned at Dean's obvious struggle. "Oh poor Deany boy, you wanna kill me don't you? The beast in you is practically singing with it."

He narrowed his eyes. "I am not the monster here."

"No? Are you sure about that? Humans don't just walk out of the pit Dean. Hell is an infection of the soul, it's inside you now, the mark of the beast. You live and breath for that darkness, it consumes you with the big question. Why can't I? The answer is simple, you can. Giving into it is much easier, it hurts more when you fight it, but it always wins. It might take years, but one day you'll wake up and you won't be living for anything but yourself anymore. You and the beast."

Dean's eyes remained fixed on Lilith. He refused to let her get to him. How could he be infected? He felt fine. "There is nothing wrong with me." He ground out in frustration.

Lilith merely shrugged. "Keep telling yourself that, but no human soul escapes what this place does to them. All of you will succumb to it one day, to the pull of the beast inside. Satan isn't a monster Dean, it's an idea planted," she moved to touch his forehead and he visibly flinched, "right here." She tapped his head lightly.

"Are you seriously trying to buy me on the idea that Satan isn't real?"

Lilith shrugged again, but this time her lips held a flirtatious smile. "I think you are confusing Lucifer with Satan. Time always ruins the best of tales. Satan isn't an entity, it's an idea, a plague meant to obstruct and oppose your better half. How easily even now it calls out, dying to be heard by the only part of you that even matters anymore."

Dean shook his head slightly and risked another glance down at Buffy who was now watching them with a rapt expression and widened eyes. Blood seeped from cuts and contusions all over her face and down her torso. His gut clenched at the sight.

"Enough talking Lilith. Are you going to kill us or let us go?"

Lilith's eyes grew at the bravery in his tone. "That tone should be making me angry Dean, but I still have the memory of you being ripped to shreds the last time we crossed paths, so maybe killing you again so soon would be a little bit redundant." She waved her hand at him as if dismissing his presence. "You are boring me now anyway. I have no doubt we will all meet again one day, when the beast inside you all has reared it's ugly head and laid claim to your souls. Now that will be a day worth resurfacing for." In an instant she disappeared.

Dean blinked into the dark for an extra second, hoping she had truly left them. He fell then to his knees in front of Buffy assessing the damage. She smiled weakly at him and batted his roving hands away. "I'm fine Dean. Not that I wanted _her_ to know that so she could continue wailing on me." Her playful smile came with a wince as her split lip trickled a drop of blood. She wiped it away with a dirty hand.

"We should go." Dean said, helping Buffy to her feet.

She nodded and they both turned in different directions then paused. Dean frowned at Buffy. "You have got to be kidding me!" He roared. "You barely even make it past the doorway of this place and you want to keep going?"

Buffy reared back at the accusing tone. "And where did you think I would go? Running back home to sip hot cocoa with whats left of my friends and wait for my soul to rot? No way, I came for Sam, and I'm getting him back."

"You make it sound like I don't want Sam back too! You came for Sam, you, you, _you_!"

"Well who _did_ you come for? Don't even say it was Sam because if so you wouldn't be here trying to talk me out of it!"

Dean's eyes darkened. "I _do_ want Sam back, more than anything, but I'm not willing to risk you in the process."

Buffy scoffed. "I think you are forgetting who got _you_ out of Hell in the first place."

Dean fidgeted with the strand of ammo across his shoulder. She was right after all. She'd been down below and made it out once before. Yet he couldn't stop himself from doubting her. Was this the darkness Lilith had spoke of? Wasn't there a time when he would've trusted his own judgement? Now it seemed like everything was tainted, the scales tipping from what felt right to wrong and vice versa.

He closed his eyes briefly and sought that part of himself he always listened to. It screamed at him to retreat, to just make a grab for her and go. If this was his instinct then he knew now he couldn't trust it any longer. His eyes met Buffy's and she pleaded silently for him to understand. She had been below too, yet her moral compass still steered in the right direction. How she did it he would never know. She was a beacon in this dull world, one that would hopefully lead them all to safety. If after everything he couldn't trust her, then he had nothing left to live for.

In an instant he'd made up his mind. He would follow her anywhere, even against his own judgement.

With a nod they took off into Hell together, leaving the seal's open hatch far behind them.

* * *

Sam's mind screamed against the pain but his body now leaned into it. It burned, his flesh smoked and tore open and all the while his body sought more. The beast had him now. He knew it by name, rejoiced in it, cried out for it.

Time had slid into an unfathomable thing down here. He didn't seek to understand it anymore. He was a beast, body and skin. He had no mind, sought no thought above the pleasure in pain.

Fire caressed his skin, hands of blue curling everywhere. _I char, my skin blisters, beautiful. _Bones fuse from the heat no human can endure and his smile spreads wide. _Good thing I am a beast no fire can touch._

He watched as the patterns of scars sink into his skin, heal, then dance up and down again, playing a game. _Nothing can mar my skin now, I am one with the darkness, I carry the light._

In the distance, someone barks commands. Sam hears many things yet understands none of them. Nothing is as important as the flames. A woman's voice echos up from behind. _What is woman?_

Life is not linear anymore. It happens in flashes. Flashes of lightning so fast you don't see those moments that really matter, because nothing matters but the heat the lightning gives off. A hand touches him and he recoils from it. _Cold, too cold._

Sam's hands move slowly again within the flames, his mind on fire now too with questions he hadn't allowed himself to think of before. _What is touch? What is skin? What is woman?_

Voices echo all around him, trying to break into his consciousness. _No, don't._

A man's voice now. It's us, Buffy is here, it repeats. _What is a Buffy? Do I know the word? Did I ever?_

The flames capture the air around Sam again and there is no choice, no other feeling, no questions. Only this.

The cold touches his skin again. _I am freezing! No! Cold everywhere, stop, please. _The cold doesn't stop. It moves deeper, surrounding, engulfing. Lightning flashes and the flames have returned. _Please._ Lightning flashes again and it is gone. There is nothing but darkness and cold.

The voices return. The woman speaks. _It_ speaks behind her. _It is like me! It will understand, I need the fire. It will bring it back. _No fire returns.

Sam whimpers. The woman and _it_ continue to talk. _I do not understand. I am not this Sam. I am only cold now. I was fire once, beautiful glorious fire. No I am nothing now, nothing but cold. It bites. It numbs. Please, no. I need the fire, I am the fire. I hunger for that which I was. I hunger without conscience. I yearn without qualm._

Another lightning flashes and _I am no more._


	30. Chapter 30

**And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon,**

**and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet.**

**- Revelation 16:13**

* * *

**Part 3 of 3**

**The False Prophet**

Lucifer stood at the edge of the seal like an avenging angel come to close the door on his past. His temporary vessel had started to show wear and tear in the form of pale skin as a backdrop to the deep blue veins beneath his eyes. Even so, Dawn couldn't look away. She saw beneath it, saw his true form, and it was magnificent.

She blinked and tried to focus. This was it. The day of reckoning. What they'd been working towards. Every test, every second of the past year, it was all for this moment.

She feared she wouldn't be able to do it. Her face must have read as much, because he crossed the seal to stand beside her now, placing a hand on either side of her face and forced her to meet his gaze. In it she always found her path, saw it so clearly it blinded her with its clarity.

"Remember Dawnie, you are not what they made you, you are what you make yourself." She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to nod. If she failed it would mean their only chance of closing the gates to Hell forever would be gone. It had to be today, it had to be now. Prophecy had foretold it.

"You can do this love, don't forget what you are. You know the path to your true self, have seen it, tasted it. It's yours for the taking, you are the key."

Dawn nodded at his words, letting them melt into her being. She wouldn't let him down, no matter the cost to herself.

With a small gesture the seal parted for them and closed again above their heads after they'd descended the stone stairs into the mouth of Hell.

"This is it Dawnie. No turning back." He said softly, a triumphant glow in his eyes.

"No turning back." She agreed.

* * *

**10 Weeks Earlier**

"I can't!" Dawn screamed, her body shaking with exhaustion, her mind stewing in its own chaos. It had been month after month of tests. To strengthen her mind he had said, yet sometimes she faltered in her belief. Her mind was anything but strong right now. It wavered, like her resolve, and it was constantly being tested by her patience to achieve what he so clearly believed in.

"Again Dawn." He grated, anxiety creeping into his tone.

Dawn struggled to comprehend herself, sought that place in her own mind where she could disengage from her shell. Lucifer had insisted it existed within her. The place where she could sift her true form from her skin and become what she once was.

At first she had thought him crazy, refused to help him. But as time had passed she saw him for what he really was. Desperate. Wasn't she desperate too? It felt like a hundred years since he had resurrected her from the cold wet ground that night almost ten months ago. She sighed, thinking of the memory of that night. He'd saved her life, but she had learned long ago that life only meant as much as you made of it.

"_Yes, Dawnie," he continued, "it looks as if you might just need my help…__again.__"_

_Instantly Dawn's wound closed beneath her fingers. Pain was a thing of the past. She gaped in wonder at the darkly handsome man standing before her. "How did you do that?"_

"_I like to think we are above such questions. Please don't waste my time with them."_

_Dawn clawed the wet material of her dress back down her legs. His gaze followed her clumsy motions with a smirk. "Done?" He teased gently. "Because we have a lot of work to do and not a lot of time to do it in."_

"_What do you mean?" She stood on shaky limbs. "Who are you?"_

_He crossed the rain soaked grass and shook a finger in her face gingerly. "Tsk, tsk Dawnie, questions." He held out a hand to her and beyond all circumstance and reasoning she found herself taking it._

_Instantly they were in another place. She backed away from him with a jerk and gaped at her surroundings. They were on top of what looked like a thirty story high rise overlooking Los Angeles. She had been here once as a kid with Buffy and her Mom, she remembered the fear of looking out over the city from so high up. _

_He chuckled softly behind her then, breaking into her thoughts. "Rule number one; everything you remember is no longer part of who you are. You are not your memories. Everything inside your mind is a lie."_

_Dawn froze at the accusation that she wasn't real. She _was_ real. Buffy had died for her because she believed in a chance for Dawn to live her life as a real person._

"_Your sister was a fool." He scoffed. "You are not a real person, never will be. The sooner you accept that, the easier this will be. I see you for what you really are and it's beautiful, one day you will see it in yourself as well. Until then, we have a lot of work to do."_

"_What kind of work?" _

"_Just some tests, to see if you are the one I am looking for. I can plainly see it, but whether you can or not depends all on you." He smiled then and crossed to stand before her. His bright blue eyes glinted with something sinister, yet held a promise of hope._

"_One day Dawnie you just might have a chance to fix all the wrong I've done."_

_Dawn frowned at his words. "What do you mean 'All the wrong I've done?' Who are you?"_

_He laughed then, a soft and evil trill that soaked into her being. "I'm the original fallen angel darling, but feel free to call me Lucifer, creator of Hell and voice of the lost."_

That was the night he had thrown her to her death over and over again. He'd said it was to drive her mind to a place of utter stillness and clarity. The place a persons mind goes just before all hope is lost. Dawn had never reached it. She still wasn't so sure she knew where to find it within herself. But time would tell, because they had run out of options.

The clock was up tonight Chuck had said, Lucifer's own personal seer of future events. It was now or never.

She took his hand as he moved them lower and lower into the labyrinth that was created at the time of his rebellious act an unfathomable number of years ago. She glanced around her, trying not to remember her time below, back when she was naught but a wandering soul so utterly lost.

His grip tightened and she knew he was willing her thoughts elsewhere. She blinked up at him. He'd saved her from the pit, then again on the surface, yet it was so much more than that. He'd taught her to see herself for what she was, not just who she was made to be.

She had a destiny, a purpose. That was something she'd never quite grasped as Dawn Summer's, sister to the slayer. Here and now she had the chance to come full circle, to return to what she once was, and she found that she not only didn't fear it, she yearned for it.

Soon they reached another seal that looked almost identical to the doorway they had used above. He knelt before it in reverence and closed his eyes. When he opened them again there was awe in his gaze, as if he was looking upon something once lost to him.

"This was where I fell." He smoothed the seals carvings with his hands lovingly. "I remember looking around at what I had helped create and feeling so proud."

He stood then, his eyes still fixed on the seal at their feet. "I couldn't have known I would birth a revolution of tainted souls."

Dawn fidgeted at the regret in his voice. She had seen him like this before. It was the part of him that she ached to help him end. The part that she saw inside herself now, for that day she had sat back and let Buffy jump in her stead. Sometimes you see things happening in slow motion, too slow to react. Dawn knew that sometimes those were just the lies you tell yourself out of fear. Because looking back now she could've reached out and made the right choice. Fear hadn't let her. Fear was something from her past.

He stood then, resolve in the set of his shoulders. "You ready?"

Dawn nodded, matching his expression. "As ever."

A second later a shot rang out. Lucifer slumped to the ground next to her. Dawn tried to react to the situation but everything happened too fast. In an instant her sister was in her arms again, throwing her off balance. Dawn stiffened at the warmth and love radiating from a sibling once thought lost to her. She'd steeled herself against the hope of ever having a goodbye with Buffy, and now…

"Is this really happening?" She whispered.

Buffy tore herself from Dawn, tears falling freely from her battered face and colliding with their intertwined hands. Tearing her gaze from Buffy she risked a glance at Lucifer on the ground, crumbled near the seal. He wasn't…he couldn't be.

"What did you do to him?" She asked, incredulous, on the verge of breaking down.

A second later Dean rounded the corner, gun raised, and Dawn immediately recognized him. Flashes of his face as the knife that killed her slid into her stomach like butter bled into him being put on the rack again and again in Hell under Alistair's knife.

"What is _he_ doing here?" She whispered to Buffy, who was now watching her closely.

"Dawn, what has happened to you?"

Dawn knew how she looked. Knew a part of her had aged, that her body grew, all the while they had continued training. Not that it mattered; she hadn't allowed herself a glimpse in months. But she could guess that the once fragile Dawn Summers was now long gone.

Dean joined them then, nudging at Lucifer with the toe of his boot. His gun remained trained on the downed corpse.

"He's not dead." Dawn blurted out, as if to reassure herself. "You shouldn't have done that."

Dean looked up now, his eyes fixing on Dawn's face with a measure of guilt she hadn't seen the likes of since Lucifer had let his guard down around her.

"He looks dead to me." Dean said a second later.

"You shouldn't have done that." Dawn repeated, her head slowly moving back and forth in denial. Buffy reached forward then and her frown deepened as she looked from Lucifer's body back to Dawn's reaction to their rescue.

"Dawn, what is going on? We thought you were in trouble. Who is that?"

Buffy stared at her sister trying to soak in the changes she saw now. Dawn had clearly grown up. But how? The last she'd seen of her was Sam lowering her body back into the ground. They'd put her to rest a child. The woman standing before them had a hardened look about her, one that spoke of a lifetime of suffering and resolve. She had grown an inch and now was taller than Buffy. Her muscles had grown too and her hair had darkened visibly. But it was her eyes that scared Buffy the most, as if her sister wasn't really in there, but something timeless and not of this world.

When they'd rounded the corner, on their last legs and running low on rounds Buffy had nearly fainted at the sight of her sister standing off in the distance. She'd slowed instantly, throwing the weight of Sam's unconscious body onto Dean with a grunt. He'd slumped to the ground with a curse.

Dean's gaze had followed Buffy's and his irises paled. "Is that...?"

Buffy's eyes were wild. "You see her too?" Their vantage point was a perfect one, literally in-between a rock wall towering upward and over their heads and a hard steel door leading to another room, housing yet another lost soul.

The opening to their right lead straight into another level of seals. They were like the elevators of the underworld, a shortcut to the next floor of torture and suffering. Buffy and Dean had passed so many now she'd lost count. Her arms screamed in protest with every step they had been forced to shoulder Sam's weight and they had lost their way long ago.

When she'd first laid eyes on Dawn she was sure it was a hallucination. Yet Dean saw her now too. She signaled for Dean to stay with Sam for a second but he shook his head angrily. As she stepped around the corner another figure came into view as well. Buffy's heart slammed into her chest. Was this who had been keeping Dawn from them? Who was he? Buffy didn't allow herself time to ponder it, she needed to get Dawn out of there.

She took off at a jilted run, her weak knees carrying her at an awkward gait. A second later the shot rang out and Buffy knew what Dean had done. She couldn't have been more grateful. _One problem down. One to go._

She stared at Dawn now, her gaze transfixed on the man at the edge of the seal. A single shot to the back of his head. No blood trickled from the wound. It was a clean shot.

"He's not dead." Dawn repeated. As if on cue the bullet slowly inched its way back out of the wound and clinked loudly onto the stone beneath their feet. Buffy and Dean backed up a step, Buffy shoving Dawn behind her in haste.

Dawn moved her hands to Buffy's shoulders, putting a strain into her grasp that said, "I'm not going with you." Buffy didn't stop. The body at the base of the seal stood then as if a puppet on strings, it's eyes opened on a snap as its neck twisted in their direction. Suddenly he was whole again, as if the last two minutes hadn't happened. Horror etched Dean's face but he didn't back down, simply raised the colt again to take another shot.

Dawn launched herself from behind Buffy with a cry. "No!"

Dean didn't stop. But this time no bullet sang through the air. Dean frowned and pulled the trigger again. Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat, they had run out of rounds. This was it. She squeezed the axe in her hand ready for anything.

Dawn stepped to Dean and put a hand on his gun, lowering it gently. "You don't understand." She pleaded.

The man inched out from behind Dawn with a wane smile of understanding on his face. "It's alright Dawn. I am unharmed."

Dawn's shoulders relaxed at his slight touch on her arm and Buffy saw red. "Dawn, what is going on?"

"It's a long story Buffy." She said, her eyes pleading for her sister to understand. "But we are about to be too late. This is our only chance."

"Only chance for what?" Dean grunted.

The man looked passively back to him now. "To close the gates of Hell forever."

Dawn shuffled awkwardly in-between her past and her future, trying to get both to understand her need for them both at this moment. "Open your mind Buffy and listen. Lucifer is an ange-"

"-Lucifer!" Buffy exploded her eyes wild. Dawn pressed hard hands into her shoulders holding her back with a surprising strength she hadn't gotten used to even now.

"An _angel_ Buffy, he is an angel."

Dean's laughter was clipped and haughty. "A _fallen_ one!" He accused.

Lucifer merely smirked. Dawn shook her head at him and he shrugged. "He saved me Buffy. When no one else could, he saved me. Showed me who I really am."

Buffy blanched. "_I_ would've saved you Dawnie, _I_ know who you really are."

Dawn merely shook her head sadly. "You knew what I was made to be. You saw what the monks wanted you to see. This skin, these bones, they are the mask I wear. You have never seen the real me, the me I was for a millennium and more before they hid me at your side."

Buffy shook her head, tears welling in them again. "No Dawn, no! We need to leave here."

Lucifer stepped closer to Dawn as if she was a possession he wasn't about to lose. "There isn't time for this Dawn, she won't understand. She hasn't the sight to see beyond what you've become."

Buffy stepped into him then raising her axe, but Dawn swung herself into the fray, her reflexes honed. "Buffy no!"

Buffy didn't back down. "Dawn," she grit out "get out of the way."

Dawn merely shook her head. "No Buffy," she began, her voice gentler this time. "Please try to understand. We need to do this. We need to close these doors. Haven't you seen what they are doing to the world? You can't guard them forever. They swallow good souls and spit them back out broken. The very things you fight everyday are pulled here to these seals like magnets. We can stop it, we can turn it off."

Buffy's arms lowered but she didn't give up her stance. "Dawn, he is the very thing I fight against, he is the _king_ of every broken soul. You can't trust anything he has told you."

Dawn sighed. "It's not what he's told me, it's what he's shown me."

"And what is that?" Dean interjected.

"What I am, what I was made for. I was a gift Buffy, to humanity. A way to close the door God opened when he cast Lucifer out. A key to the seals, hidden from this world by demons. They cast me out between dimensions, where I sat until the monks made me _this_." She gestured to her chest.

"Dawn, you can't understand how this sounds." Buffy shook her head slowly.

"I do understand." She agreed. "But it's true. I remember...everything. I've seen it with my own eyes. It took me a long time to crack open the past, but I had help." Her gaze moved back to Lucifer with a warm expression and Buffy's grip tightened on her axe.

"If I could show you, would you believe me then?" She asked. Buffy eyed her warily but gave one small nod.

Dawn closed her eyes, all her focus on that part of herself once thought dormant forever. She tested the strength of the wall between her flesh and that of the energy roiling inside her, waiting to be freed. Slowly, carefully, she reached out inside her mind and chipped away at the plaster separating her two halves.

In an instant a crack appeared in her chest, brilliant green light poured from it illuminating the darkness around them.

Buffy gasped. Dawn struggled to regain control of the light but it continued to seep out. Fearing the battle almost lost for her sister, she redoubled her efforts to stem the flow of her soul trying to escape the bonds of flesh. The effect was like holding your fingers over a broken water pipe. It would hold for now, but not long.

"Please Buffy, you have to go...without me. Once I close these doors there is no way out for you."

Lucifer stepped back towards the seal then and all their eyes followed his path as he circled it slowly, appearing to be lost in thought.

Buffy looked as if her world had been destroyed, her eyes never moving from the light escaping Dawn's chest.

"There is another way." Lucifer said wanly, resolve gone from him then.

Dawn rounded on him. "What do you mean?"

"A portal I once used to come and go from here."

Buffy grit her teeth, fire in her eyes. "We know about your portal, it almost killed Sam when he escaped through it!"

Lucifer's eyes widened at the accusation. "I think you speak without knowing what you say slayer. That portal hasn't been working in years. It was only reawakened when Dawn came through it."

Buffy shook her head. "He passed through it, it's how he got out."

Lucifer suddenly looked surprised. "A human escaped my Hell? That's impossible, none can pass through it save for myself and..." He laughed then, something cruel and knowing twisting in his features. "This Sam wouldn't happen to be a one Sam Winchester, would he?"

Dean's eyes suddenly held an edge of murder. "How do you know that name?"

"Long story boy, but from the twitchy trigger finger on you right now I am going out on a limb when I say you must be his brother. I had heard rumors of your recent stay with us. How did you like it?"

Dean exploded forward then, fists flying into Lucifer's face. Lucifer stood, accepting the blows with mild interest, when Dean tired, he cocked a brow at him in question. "Done?"

"What did you do to my brother?" He spat.

"I did nothing to him Dean. If he passed through that portal it was because of the blood in his veins, because he is my one true vessel."

When Dean's mouth opened to protest, Lucifer held up a hand to silence him. "Arguing won't change the fact he is. I have no designs on your brothers vessel. I do not know the state you found him in afterward, but my guess is that he didn't fare too well from the journey. It wasn't made to be a smooth ride, it was my escape hatch. My back door to this pit." He looked around as if disgusted. "I closed it behind me years ago. It wasn't meant to be reopened. You can thank Dawn for that." He smiled at her then, a warmth in his gaze.

"Why do you want the door sealed?" Buffy accused. "Isn't this your _home_ as you called it?"

He quirked a brow. "Ms. Summers, I happen to like your world. It crept up on me, albeit slowly, but it did. There was a time at your creation that I couldn't have hated you more. A disgusting race, far beneath us. I could never understand what plans God had for you, nothing could be as important as his first children in my mind. Nothing as beautiful as the ones who loved him so dearly. But he ordered us to love you anyway, as flawed as you were. We all know the tale from there. I spent many a millennium hating you, reveling in breaking your weak souls and turning you against him. Yet somewhere down the line I started seeing the things in you my father always had. The obedience I couldn't muster, the strength I never had to stay and do as I was told, the love for him despite his absence from their lives. Humans will always be flawed, but some of you," his gaze moved slowly to Dean "never give up, never break. I spent a long time trying to find that in myself. But I found I had grown weary of it all. I myself had given up. Time does that to a man."

"You are _not_ a man." Dean grit out.

Lucifer merely smiled. "No, I am not. But I _am_ tired, tired of this rebellion, tired of fighting for something I long lost belief in. I know now that humans are not the plague upon this Earth, it is the demons I have created. They rebel against me now. I have a taste of what my father went through, and the tables have turned. It is _I_ who must cast _them_ out. Lock them away. And when Dawn awakened my portal and walked through it, I knew my long lost prayers had been answered."

Buffy shook her head at Dawn quietly, reality clawing at her in the darkness. "Dawnie, you don't have to do this. We can save this world together. _Fight_ together."

Dawn traced the path of wet tears down Buffy's blood stained cheeks with a shaky finger. "Go Buffy, build a life for yourself. You've given me so much. Let me give you this in return."

Buffy shook her head, denial rising up within her. "I can't let you do this. We don't know what will happen."

Dawn moved to Dean then and silently touched his chest. In an instant the pendant around his neck lit up (the necklace his brother had once given him, so many years ago for Christmas), glowing a radiant green so beautiful and bright it cast shadows everywhere it didn't touch.

Dean's mouth hung open at the sight, his lips moving wordlessly over a thousand questions he dared not ask.

Buffy bit her lip on a question of her own, and when she let it out it was merely a statement. "You aren't coming back with us." She looked towards where they had left Sam, slumped against the rough stone wall. Dawn's eyes followed hers, a knowing expression painting her features.

When Buffy looked back to Dawn, she broke down, tears flowing freely, desperation in her tone. "Please Dawnie, come back with us, we can find another way, you don't have to do this." She clung to Dawn, her grip like a vice that once would've left her bruised but she now welcomed.

"Yes I do Buffy. I once let you give up your life for me, all I am asking is for the chance to do the same."

Buffy's hysteria bubbled over then. "No, Dawn, no, no, no. Please don't do this to me. I should've saved you, I should've found you!"

Dawn stepped back from Buffy's grasp. "You wouldn't have been able to. Because I didn't want to be found. I wanted you to move on, to mourn me. I am asking you to do that now, and not just for me, but for every human once lost to a selfish war over pride."

Buffy still shook her head, disbelief in her eyes. "We can stop this together. We can fight it."

Dawn couldn't help but smile at Buffy's ferocity, she was always looking for something to grasp at, something to sink her fists into. "Not this time Buffy. People think that Armageddon will be a struggle for the flesh, something they can struggle against, something they will be able to resist. No, evil was never quite that easy to spot was it? Look at Angel's fight in this world, or Anya's, or yours, nothing is black and white anymore, evil is not so easy to see. It's not fire and brimstone, Armageddon is a struggle for the mind. It sneaks up on you, comes at you from your worst fears and clings to you through your deepest dreams. It is you, it is me. It is now. And I need to stop it."

Buffy cried freely now, her words fumbling and raw. She looked for all the world like she wanted to make a desperate grab for Dawn but held her ground. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Remember me with life. You once told me that the hardest part of life is living it, now you have to do that...for me. The fight won't be over on the surface, it will be the beginning of the end. You are this worlds best chance. Keep the seal safe, remember me with it. But don't dwell on this. Know I'm not unhappy, this is what I was created for, what I always should've done."

Buffy shook her head, madness clouding her vision. "I just found you."

"I never belonged to you Buffy. I belong to the world and every single world beyond this one."

A shiver racked Dawn's body, breaking the small crack of light emitting from her chest a wider path. Dawn struggled against the feeling, resisted the urge to give in to everything she longed to be. Just another moment more.

Buffy seized on her last few seconds, forever the hero trying to find a way out of the inevitable. "Maybe you can come back from this. Close the seal, come home."

Lucifer shook his head in unison with Dawn.

"That is not how it works." He interrupted. "Once she has reverted to her natural state there is no going back. She is the key. To be forever turned. If she is pulled from the lock, the seal will open again and all of this will be for nothing."

Dawn stepped back into Buffy arms one last time, quaking with the need to be set free from her mortal form. "Please understand Buffy, you have given me the foundation to do this. I watched you growing up..." She paused letting the irony wash over them that she had never actually done so yet spoke of it being the reason for her bravery, "I saw you go from what you once were to this great woman, capable of stopping anything. You are the reason for me, if I am the key, you are the force that helped turn me. All I am is because of you. I couldn't have been given a better home. Thank-you for everything you gave me."

Buffy broke on a sob but caught herself. If it took everything she had she would be brave for Dawn. Just this one last time. "You know I am proud of you...right Dawnie?" She played with a strand of Dawn's hair absentmindedly. "I always thought it was _my_ job to protect _you_. But you have given us all something to live for." Buffys finger slid into Dawn's hair for the last time and a deep peace surrounded the sisters in blood, body, heart and soul.

"Dawn..." She whispered, embracing her sister for the last time. "the reason why it's safe to walk outside while the sun is sleeping."

Slowly Dawn's visage faded and her once warm flesh evaporated between Buffy's fingers in a brilliant blast of green light. Nothing had been so beautiful, nothing so devastating. Their tears fell freely now, seeking a reassurance in gravity.

"I love you Dawn." Buffy said, her voice carrying over the strange wind set on taking her form from her sister forever.

Dawn smiled warmly, a strength unlike any she had ever known encompassing her in her last moments on Earth. "I love you too Buffy. _Always._"

Suddenly Dawn was no more, and Buffy found herself grasping at the air blindly. The seal slowly started turning, green light spreading slowly within it's pattern. Buffy watched in awe as the light moved faster and faster, the ground beneath them shaking with the effort. Dean was by her side now, calling to her over the sounds of the rock shifting around them.

Lucifer met her eyes over the seal. What Buffy saw there was something she was sure she'd never have set eyes on in her life. The devil, the creator of all that had stood in the way of her happiness, what she spent her whole life fighting against, was crying. A single tear slid down his broken face.

The ground erupted a few feet away from them and Buffy snapped back to her senses. Dean was pulling on her arm, dragging her back towards Sam as the quaking continued to pitch them to and fro.

They grasped at Sam, yanking him up beneath their shoulders. Suddenly a lost strength rose up in them both. Shoving their tired feet towards the door they raced upward, back up the quaking labyrinth, retracing their steps. Door after door crumbled around them, urging them on faster.

A second later they burst into the mouth of Hell. The seal above them was inches from being closed. Buffy darted forward then, pushing her fingers into the space between the wall and the heavy circular metal grate. It strained against her hands and she fought back with everything she had. Her hands were sore and battered yet the seal kept coming for her, trying to close in on her last hope of escape.

Suddenly she heard Dean calling for her. The seal moved swiftly into place, locking them inside forever and Buffy's heart screamed. She darted back into the opening to see Lucifer standing before a frantic Dean struggling to hold up Sam's weight.

Lucifer looked back to Buffy, a cold look on his face. "I owe her one." He yelled over the crumbling stone above them. With the snap of his fingers a portal appeared before them. "It's a one way trip, take it or leave it."

Buffy gaped at him for a second. Could she really trust the original fallen angel with their lives? Another stalagmite crashed near Dean and Sam nearly knocking them both to the ground.

Yet if they stayed, they would die for sure. She nodded to Dean who was making his way towards the portal, half dragging Sam behind him.

When he dispappeared into it Buffy held a breath.

She paused before the wavering door to the unknown and frowned at Lucifer. "Aren't you coming?"

He smiled brightly, an odd contrast to the sadness in his eyes. "And miss all this? Not for the world."

Buffy didn't think twice, she leapt in after Dean, accepting this may have been the biggest trap ever laid for her. When she landed on the ground outside just a few feet from both brother's, alive for the most part, but a little rough around the edges, she found herself on the verge of laughing hysterically.

This had been her life, for longer than she'd have liked to admit. She had lost friends, family, innocents, even herself to this war between good and evil. Yet in the end it had been Dawn who had turned from the comfort of one life for the purpose of another. It was the story of her life. Called forth for something greater than herself.

Dawn Summers. A key. Forever turned.

Buffy stood now, sliding her hand over her brow and squinting into the beginning of a new day. Whereever they were the sun was just ribboning out over the horizon and for the first time ever Buffy saw a hint of green among the bright yellow and pink of the new day.

She smiled stupidly at Dean who returned her joy for the sake of a bright new world. Maybe they had a fight ahead of them, maybe it was for as much their own souls as Sam's sanity.

But maybe, just maybe, it would all be worth it.


	31. Epilogue

Willow rapped her knuckles softly on the wooden door to Dawn's old room where Dean now sat in silence. He jerked his head up at the sound, relief painting his features. She shifted the mug of hot tea she'd concocted nervously from one hand to the next and hedged closer to him.

"It's uh, my own personal blend. Breaks any demonic related blood infections or spells that have any sway over the mind." She paused before the bed and extended the mug. He took it gingerly.

Willow turned then and headed for the door in silence.

"Willow?" He asked quietly, making her freeze in the door frame.

She turned then, a question in her gaze. "Yes?"

"What if it doesn't work?" He suddenly looked ages older, like the weight of something unmovable rest on his shoulders. "What if it's not the beast inside me? Maybe this is just who I am now."

Willow shook her head sadly at him. "If we all gave into the darkness so easily who would be left to save this world from itself?" She turned then, leaving him alone.

Watching the top of the dark liquid steaming Dean closed his eyes slowly. This was it. If this didn't rip the beast from his soul he really was lost. Things inside him had only taken a turn for the worse since they'd returned from Hell a second time.

Sam was touch and go, flashes of Hell resurfacing in spouts and seizures, leaving them with an empty shell from time to time. Yet Buffy never gave up on him, always sitting beside him, stroking away the demons with her gentle hands. Dean's envy for what they had had only grown, he craved her more and more and hated everything inside himself for his dark thoughts of having her for himself.

Willow had seen it clearly in the boys immediately, the beast writhing inside them. She had singled Dean out after a few days and he had broke down, confessing his dark desires and the growing need in him to take and leave nothing behind. Regret was becoming a thing of the past for him and the last shred of conscience left inside him screamed in warning.

It had only taken Willow a couple of weeks to connect the dots. The mark of the beast had taken hold of Dean down below, infecting his soul and plaguing him with the seven deadly sins. His lust for Buffy was becoming unquenchable, his envy for his brother's attention unbearable, his anger almost uncontrollable.

He couldn't go on like this and he knew it.

Willow had said she could save him though and he could only throw himself on her mercy. She had made a batch of the amber brew for Sam as well, insisting the marked beast could've fooled them all before and very well could've been the thing holding Sam under after he returned from Hell.

The infection obviously held the weight of all sins but targeted the strongest need in each human differently . For Sam it had been sloth, an inexhaustible desire to rest. She explained he had probably been craving the need to stop moving forward, settle down, even give up trying to escape Hell down below, so his body did just that. The beast preyed on a persons darkest thoughts and deepest desires and brought them to the surface.

When she had tried to expel the beast it had merely gotten rid of that one sin, leaving all the others in place. Dean shook his head sadly at the thought. Yet Sam had barely been changed from his curse. He was still so much like Sam. Dean could hardly function, his sins roiling through him constantly. He was the weak link in the Winchester line and he was beginning to understand that now.

Without another thought he gripped the brew tightly and swallowed it in one gulp.

* * *

Willow returned to the living room where Sam and Buffy sat intertwined, Buffy's head resting protectively against Sam's shoulder. When Willow's shoes sounded on the wooden floor Buffy's eyes found hers, a question lingering in them. She whispered something to Sam and joined Willow in the dining room.

"Willow I.." She began, her eyes moving back towards the living room and her voice dropping to a whisper. "Do you have anymore of that potion?"

Willow frowned. "I thought you weren't infected. You said-"

Buffy waved a hand cutting her off. "I know what I said. I lied. It was the pride talking, it's been consuming me for some time now. I figured because I was the slayer I was immune. I was wrong. There have been things, things I've done." She bit her lip, tears welling in her eyes. "Things I let him do to me, things I craved but never really wanted."

Willow's eyes widened, her eyes moving back up the stairs where Dean rested. "Buffy you didn't."

She shook her head quickly. "No, but I wanted to. It was…someone else, someone worse."

Dawning came over Willow then and she could only reach out a hand to grasp Buffy's arm gently. "Don't you dare punish yourself for this Buffy. Whoever it was…" Her voice trailed off for a second, Spike's unspoken name thick in the air between them. "It doesn't matter now. It's over. I'll get started on another batch."

She left then, leaving Buffy behind, her tears unshed. She wouldn't cry, no. Tears were for the weak, not a girl who'd come back from Hell unharmed, not once, but twice. Buffy blinked at the thought. She was stronger than this curse, this beast. If the pride swelling inside her taught her anything, it was that she always won, no matter the cost.

* * *

A week later Buffy admitted that life had returned to normal, or as normal as it could get for a slayer, yet Dean was growing restless. It'd been three weeks since they'd dragged Sam back from Hell and they'd been getting bits of pieces of what had happened down there from him slowly.

At first he'd been confused, all of it a black void. But the memories started resurfacing in dreams and now in flashbacks, sometimes dragging his conscious mind back into the torture he'd experienced below.

The first time it had happened Buffy's heart had nearly exploded from her chest. Her worry over Sam now eased a bit. If anyone could get through this it was him. He'd return to her, _always_, he'd said.

She had smiled wanly at the statement and he'd captured her chin with a frown.

"Hey," he started, searching her eyes. "Don't you _ever_ think I'd leave you willingly. You are my world now, have been the moment you burst through that window and into my life."

Her smile brightened then and when he returned it her heart glowed.

He was her world too, yet somehow she knew she'd never have to say it out loud. The way he saw into her, closing the gaps between them when they couldn't speak or didn't know what to say, it humbled her like nothing else ever had.

Pain flashed across his face as another memory of his torment down below seized him, trying to take his mind from her. She laid a gentle hand on his face and with a small kiss brought him back to her.

"Do you ever regret it?" She whispered softly. "The day you followed me into Hell?"

He took her in his arms, his dark gaze swallowing her whole. "The truth is that I'd rather march into hell with you than bask in heaven without you."

"We still don't know how you ended up back there." She started, worry etching her features.

Sam shook his head slowly at her. "It doesn't matter now. The beast is gone. Why I let it march me back into the pit is a question for another day. Those sins were not me, not really. I know where I belong, and it's not in a dream far from where I can touch you."

She moved closer to him then, melting into his touch, his hands like fire branding her skin. His lips slanted over hers drinking her in desperately. She returned the kiss, giving herself up to him. Nothing had ever felt so right, nothing ever would again.

When he pulled back with a small smile her heart skipped a beat in her chest.

"Thank you for coming for me." He said, gravel coating his voice.

"I go where you go." She murmured against his lips. "Besides, nothing good ever came easy."

He couldn't help but laugh as he swung her up into his arms and marched towards the bedroom. He was midway up the stairs when the phone started to ring. With a groan he placed her down and nodded in silent agreement for her to answer it.

She bounded to the kitchen, picking up the receiver lightning fast. "Hello?"

"Buffy?" Giles said from the other line. "You sound out of breath, is everything alright?"

"What's up?" She said quickly, ignoring his question.

"I have the deed. Everything's set, took me awhile to convince the town to sell the plot of land, but considering all that happened there, it wasn't too hard for them to see what a mistake it would be to rebuild the new school in the same spot."

Buffy slid her eyes closed, a weight lifting from her chest. "Thank you Giles. You don't know what this means to me. She still down there, she always will be, but as long as I'm alive, she will be remembered and protected."

"I know." He said softly and she had the oddest feeling that Giles was on the verge of tears. "I'm just going to be finishing up here. Then Xander and I will move onto the site tomorrow." He continued after a moment of silence.

"Do you want me to help? I can meet you there."

"No. I want to do this for you. For once in your life Buffy, rest, mourn, try to move on. I'll let you know when we are done."

A second later they had hung up and Sam was watching her from across the hall.

"Everything alright?" He asked.

"It is now."

* * *

She crossed to stand in front of him and he quickly enveloped her in his arms. When she finally pulled back from him there was a small frown on his lips.

"What is it?" She asked, concerned.

"Over the last year, did you ever consider giving up on me?" He asked, almost as if that would be the logical thing to do, and he held no blame if she said yes.

She gazed up at him. "What are you talking about?"

He'd feared losing her, remembered clearly the day they had parted in the labyrinth below. It was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. Now she stood in his arms, and no matter how tight his grasp a part of his mind was bruised, possibly beyond repair and he worried it'd drive a wedge between their future.

"I'd understand if you did, we hadn't known each other that long before..." His voice trailed off.

At once, her slim shoulders stiffened. Her lips set in a hard line and she gave him a look that spoke of dangerous things. "I swear to you Sam Winchester if you ever think for one second that you haven't completely changed me inside and out, well then know this. I want you, and I am insatiably selfish. I need you, and you are _not_ getting away from me ever again. And I..." She paused for a moment, her gaze softening. "I _love_ you. Okay?"

His dark gaze widened on her and she dropped her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking lightly. He frowned at the action not sure if she was upset or laughing.

When she threw her head back her smile blinded him. He blinked at the reaction.

"There I said it first, happy now?" She teased, grinning ear to ear.

Her smile slowly crept away and was replaced by something fierce. "No I never really thought of giving up on you. I _feared_ losing you."

A memory washed over him then, stabbing at his senses. Waking up the next morning after Dean had left town and finding Buffy gone too. He'd raided the house hoping to find her, anger blinding him when he couldn't until there was nothing but white hot rage. The next thing he'd known he was in the pit. He scowled inwardly at the thought.

Buffy's eyes searched his. "Another flashback?"

"You left me." He said stunned, realization gripping him tightly.

She shook her head at the accusation. "I...I didn't want to. I felt like I had no choice."

His face hardened. "Why?"

She sighed. "I was infected too." The guilt falling freely from her lips. "Pride consumed me. I thought at the time I was making the right choice, felt it clearly." She shook her head, urging him to understand her with her eyes as she often did. He always saw her so clearly when she did that. As if she was baring her thoughts to him and suddenly they were a part of him too.

His hand was in her hair then, pulling her up to him. When their lips met it was in as much frustration over what they had been through as sharing in a victory over what they had overcome.

She slid her hands around his back and held him tightly. When they parted on a gasp he rested his forehead gently on top of hers, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"I love you way too much." He exhaled.

She clutched at his shoulders and gave him a soft kiss that promised so much more.

"I love you too, Sam. With all my heart."

* * *

**1 Month Later**

Buffy paced the hall waiting for Sam to join her. Giles had called earlier and explained the site was ready. Buffy had nearly leapt out of her skin waiting all these weeks to see where her sister was now buried.

"I don't know why I let him keep me away from this. It should've been _my_ hands on her grave burying her." She called down the hall to Willow.

Willow appeared in the doorway with a small smile, adjusting an earring with both hands. "It will be perfect. Xander is an expert at this sort of thing."

Buffy only shook her head. "I should've been there."

Willow crossed the space just as Sam joined them and they all smiled awkwardly at each other. Buffy was dressed in a simple black dress that came just above the knee and clung to her small chest under her overcoat. She felt self conscious in it. Dawn had never liked the color black. Shouldn't they be celebrating her new life with color?

As if reading her thoughts Sam placed a supportive hand at her back. "You look beautiful."

They joined Dean downstairs and the four of them drove in silence to the old high school.

Buffy fidgeted in her seat, trying not to worry over the details she had been kept out of the loop of. It was Dawn's funeral, she should've been the one calling the shots. Yet Giles and Xander had insisted on taking care of it. She drew the line at Anya having any input, Xander had agreed.

As the impala pulled up to the site Buffy's heart literally stopped. The soft sun shone brightly over the newly constructed park. Hundreds of thousands of flowers of every shape, size and color weaved a web of designs across the earth where the old high school once stood.

It was awe inspiring and breathtaking.

A gigantic gazebo rose up from the center of the gardens stretching to and fro. It's wood glistening with a deep red stain and peaked at the top like an old cathedral ceiling. Benches sprinkled the area all around it.

Buffy got out of the car on shaking limbs, her hand at her mouth. Tears welled in her eyes as she joined Giles, Xander and Anya at the front of the park.

She threw herself into Giles' arms, trying her best to ease her grip when he let out a small groan.

She smothered Xander with an equally engulfing hug before moving on to the path leading up to where the library had once been.

Over it was an enormously intricate web of green and pink tinged wildflowers. The pattern they wove was that of the design on the seal Dawn now rested inside. Buffy knelt before the grave and choked back a sob. Her hand moved softly over the fresh earth, memorizing the path Dawn's essence had taken within the door to Hell.

Somewhere below this pattern was all that was left of her. A locked door to Hell. And Dawn Summers inside it. A key. Forever turned. Buffy closed her eyes and let the tears fall onto the plants below.

When she rejoined the group they were all waiting for her at the gazebo. Giles stood at the back of the structure, a book in his grasp, ready to start the ceremony. Buffy stopped at the stairs and glanced at the plaque adorning the entryway.

It read:

_In memory of Dawn Summers_

_A garden filled with life for a place that once knew so much death._

Willow joined her then, placing a warm hand on her shoulder. Buffy followed her gaze from the plaque to a side planter filled with bright blue azaleas. She smiled at the sight.

"They were Tara's favorite." She said lightly, her voice catching. She waved a hand over the small buds at the base and they sprouted upward and came to life, growing before their eyes.

She placed her hand in Buffy's and lead her into the gazebo where her future stood.

As Giles began to speak Buffy's mind settled into the present. She looked from face to face at the only friends she had left and vowed she'd do anything to keep them as they were now.

Hopeful and looking towards the future.

She knew Dean would eventually set back onto the road and Sam would go with him from time to time, but they _had_ a future now. Something to work towards. They all did. And it was because of the bravery of one girl. Buffy slid her eyes closed at the memory of her sister coming undone before her eyes.

_Remember me with life._

Buffy couldn't help but smile as she looked around at all the blooming life around her, soaking up the sun. She would try her best every damned day, for Dawn. Fight to clear this world of the last evil and maybe have that future she once thought lost to her.

She turned to Sam. His eyes speaking volumes. He was her hope when she had none, and it illuminated from him now. Their hands slid together like magnets, as if that was where they belonged.

When Giles finished speaking and slid the book closed everyone moved off silently into the gardens, mourning in their own way and paying respects to everyone once lost to Hell's gates.

Sam joined Dean off in a far corner and Buffy studied their interactions. They had come a long way from all that had happened. She could only hope that the past was really in the past with them now. From the looks of it, it really and truly was.

"Hello Ms. Summers." A deep voice rumbled from behind her. Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin at the recognition. She turned and met Lucifer's eyes.

"How dare you come here." She accused, suddenly on point.

He merely shook his head as if she was being absurd. "I only came to pay my respects, same as you." He walked in a circle around her but his eyes were on the garden.

Buffy balked a bit at his stature. It was deflated, sad almost. Could he really be mourning Dawn?

He reached into his pocket then and produced a small package. "And to give you this. It was the price for your sisters services. She once said if I could retrieve it for you, she'd begin to believe in my cause." He smiled faintly at the memory. "It was worth everything it cost me."

Buffy took it slowly, staring down at it like it might explode at any moment. "What is it?" She asked, but it was too late.

He was gone.

She turned the box over in her hands and lifted the lid. Her eyes went wide when they fell upon what was inside. Laughter bubbled up from inside her then, echoing out into the gardens.

Across the fields of flowers Sam caught her gaze, returning her joy as if the sound of her laughter alone was a balm to his soul.

Buffy's heart fluttered at the sight.

Things weren't perfect, no. But damn, they were getting close...

**The End...for now.**


	32. Promo Info

A quick thanks to everyone who read and reviewed this story. Especially considering I didn't really bother to actually edit it. One day I plan on doing just that. Also I do have some ideas for a continuing story. So maybe sometime this year I will have a crack at that and see where it leads me.

In the meantime I uploaded a short promo I slapped together last year. Just wanted to share for anyone who also enjoys the visual arts as well as the written ones.

www-youtube-com/watch?v=9dW4Mm1rFXE

Just replace the dashes with dots.

And thanks again reviewers, you really did keep me uploading when I might otherwise have not shared.

Love, Jane


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